[erased for personal security reasons]

Hello again

The Mexican was out of town for a little while last week, so I utilized my time and got my ass into work. Did pretty well, guess it's like riding a bike.

Three of my most recent exes (the ex, colorado guy, and ga tech kid) have all contacted me within the last two weeks. All out of nowhere. I don't talk to them ever, and I'm not even friends with them on facebook, yet I got three emails (and a phone call, and an appearance at my work) from them all within a week and a half of eachother. Guess it's the holiday season?

Welp, going to try and start updating a little more often. I'm working thanksgiving, so hopeful something eventful will happen

Boring update

I'm back at my old club. Surprise surprise. For the past few months I haven't worked much, but I'm starting to get back into the groove of things.

I'm still with the mexican...I dunno. I like him, but I just know it's not going to work out. He doesn't like my job, and at the end of the day I'm going to choose my job (money) over any guy. I find myself being resentful at him for taking up my time that used to be taken up by work.

Money is as good/bad as it's always been. Not much really changes on that front.

I haven't been drinking at work lately because I live sort of far from my club now. I actually blew a .00 last night. Cannot remember the last time that happened.

I guess I'm starting to feel bored with my life, which means I'm probably going to move halfway across the country or something soon.

Goodbye club

It's been a while since I last posted. I've only been working intermittently lately. Let's see, I worked last Tuesday and Wednesday, but skipped the weekend. I'm not working this week except for Friday and Saturday. I'm actually leaving my club in a week for a new club because I'm moving, so Friday and Saturday will be my last nights. Unless of course I hate the new club, and decide to commute to my old one because it's worth it. This may very well happen.

Last week was meh. On Tuesday the bouncer recommended me to a customer who just likes to sit and talk to the girls (while paying them, of course). This worked out well, because he did indeed just want me to sit and talk. I stayed with him for ~3 hours, and only got $300, but I didn't mind. It was so easy. I also smoked a huge cigar and sipped Baily's on the rocks. How classy!

On Wednesday, a regular of mine came in. Unfortunately he brought his wife, so there was no vip :(. I sat with them for, I dunno, maybe two hours and he gave me $200. I guess that means my sitting rate is around $100/hr. I suppose that's not bad for what it is. I liked his wife, she was the ideal strip club customer wife. Friendly but not gropey, not pissy and angry, and not completely wasted. They're a cute couple.

My summer semester just ended, thank god. What a boring one it was.

I'm still hanging out with the Mexican...I'm not sure what we're doing exactly, still. I hate discussing those sorts of logistics. We did agree that we wouldn't sleep with other people, so I guess that's a start. He keeps telling me he loves me, and that he loved me since he first saw me, but I don't know-he's cheesy as hell. It's funny because I thought he was gay when I first met/saw him.

I did get a message from a client of his the other day, thanking me for picking him up (drunk) from a dinner party she threw. She mentioned in the message that he mentions me a lot, and that she wants to meet me. I told him this and he got all embarrassed. It was cute.

I guess it's time to start packing!

Getting to know the neighbors

Had to get a new permit on Wednesday. That's always a blast because the permit office is at the courthouse/police station/jail, so there are always a lot of shady looking characters slinking around. There weren't as many as usual this time, I think it's because I went really early.

Something funny that happened a while back. A few weeks ago my friend and I were at my apartment pool, just chilling, when we notice a large older man acting sketchy.

"I think he's taking pictures of us," my friend said

"No, we're not doing anything that interesting..."

Now, he was holding his phone in a weird manner, but I think it's just 'cause it was sunny out and he was texting.

Fast forward a week later. I'm at work, when I'm suddenly approached by a large older man.

"You live at [my apartment complex]," says the customer

"Uh, yeah...How did you know?"

"I saw you and your friend the other day at the pool."

"Oh, haha," I say, slinking away.

Now, I was a little creeped out, I'm not sure why, but I didn't think too much of it.

Fast forward another week or so. I'm sitting at the bar at work when I notice apartment man with a girl. A girl who also happens to live at my apartment complex. I try to ignore them, but they motion me over. I go over, somewhat reluctantly, and make small talk.

Well, as usual, the drinks start flowing, dances are had, and somehow we end up in vip. I know, awkward. Made even more so when I ask the girl how this guy is in vip (he was at the atm getting $$$).

"Well, we usually go with glitterboobs, and she's definitely pretty friendly, and he's one of my best customers, so I probably am a bit more lenient than normal, but he's cool."

Oh great, I'm thinking.

He comes back, and the first thing he does is take of his shirt and pants. So he's standing there in his boxers. WTF. Then we all start talking about porn, and the other girl suggests that we watch some redtube (streaming porn site) on his smart phone. So I'm standing there naked, next to a short old fat man in his boxers and another naked girl watched some girl get nailed on this tiny little screen halfway across the room. I mean, I guess it's better than being molested, but still weird.

At least I'm getting to know my neighbors!

moving on

So, I'm sitting here feeling sick to my stomach and I don't know what to do. I don't think things are going to work out between me and the mexican. He's an alcoholic. I realize that I drink a lot, probably too much at times, but not like him. Despite my sometimes heavy drinking, my life is pretty together. I make it to class four days a week, I am able to keep my apartment clean, I have no DUIs. I very rarely get blackout drunk.

He's been drunk for 4 days straight. He left me at the bar last night, crashing his car on the way home. I finally realize he's left the bar (as well as our tab, which I paid, and it wasn't just our tab, his other friends were drinking on it, too) and walk home by myself. The next morning when I wake up and go outside, I see his car with a huge scrape down the side, and a blown tire. He's lucky he lives so close. He's lucky that there weren't any cops out patrolling for fourth of july drunks.

Today the drinking starts right after we wake up. Bloody marys with his friends. I drink one, and call it a day. He's on the floor of his friend's place with no idea what's going on by 3:00. I finally hit my breaking point and leave. Of course I haven't heard from him, probably because he's passed out somewhere and his phone is dead. He wont remember any of this tomorrow, and it'll be all 'sorrys' and 'i messed ups', Too bad I've heard these words a million times, but the actions aren't matching.

The thing is, he is a sweet person. When he's sober (and even when he's drunk-he's definitely not a mean drunk). I can just tell at this point that I shouldn't even bother getting any more invested in this...relationship. I can tell it will not end well, and that breaks my heart.

It has helped me in the sense that I'm much more aware of my own drinking. I can now see how obnoxious some of my past behavior must have been to the sober people around me. I now understand how being a drunk not only disrupts your own life, but the lives of those around you.

I want you to beg

So, I'm finally getting around to posting this...

Friday night: I go in with a slight buzz, seeing as I haven't worked in two weeks, and that can be terrifying.

The night starts out normally. I sit with a drink buying regular and chat a bit. After my stage set I dance for a few customers, one who gives me $100 for two dances. Things go stagnant for a little while.

As I'm walking around somewhat aimlessly, a dancer friend of mine calls me over to her table, where she's sitting with a single dude.

"He likes you," she says with her country drawl.

I sit down and we begin talking. I encourage some more shots all around, and they're taken. I can tell the customer is getting pretty drunk, and decide it's time for something to happen. I tell him that both me and the other girl are going to dance for him, and he agrees. We do one dance and he gives us both a hundred dollar bill. This alerts me to the fact that this man has money, and he came to spend it.

I start pushing for vip. Normally, I'm not a big vip hustler. If the guy brings it up, i'll go, but I don't normally try for it. Except in cases like this. If I know there's a lot of money at stake, I up my game.

After some hemming and hawing, he agrees to go with both of us. I can tell by how I made the sale that this guy likes to be ordered around. I love these ones.

We get into the room and he does and hour off the bat, as well as buys a $300 bottle of champagne. Then things start to get weird.

I'm not sure how any of what happened even started, because I was pretty buzzed, but somehow (after some coke was snorted, by him) my friend and I get into some pretty heavy dominatrix-y type shit. We're taking turns hitting him with his belt, choking him (worried me a bit, certainly didn't want to do actual damage), making him beg and plead to touch us, ordering him to refer to us as master...It was fun, but my friend and I just kept shooting eachother these looks, like 'what the hell is going on?'.

He ends up doing two hours, and then tipping us $300 on top of that, so we both made out pretty well.

He leaves, and when the waitress comes in (I also got him to tip the waitress $300), she notices that we barely drank any of our champagne. She takes the bottle back to one of the waitress stations, where I will be reunited with it later.

Later being about 15 minutes after leaving the vip. So I'm back there, chugging champagne from the bottle, when I look over in the direction of the bar and see...the ex. He's been popping in almost every weekend lately, not sure why, and this time he's brought a girl with him.

So, of course he first sees me going to town on a huge (it was larger than the normal size) bottle of champagne. I walk over to him to give my usual 'what the fuck are you doing here?' speech. He introduces me to his little midget female who looks like she should have been an extra on the wizard of oz. Then he starts trying to get all touchy with me, and I shut that shit down immediately. I then proceed to drunkenly go off on him, and tell his chick that he's nothing less than an asshole piece of shit who I never want to see again. Not yet satisfied, I go and tip the bouncer $40 to have him removed. He is told to leave, hopefully making him look like a jackass in front of his date(?).

The rest of the night went fine. I blew very high, a .21 I think, and get a cab home. When I get home, I must have had some sort of temper tantrum, because when I wake up the next morning there's crap strewn about my apartment, including a broken plate.

All other facets of my life are going well, and I'm resuming my regular work schedule.

Finally...

Friday was my first night in almost two weeks, and boy was it crazy. Unfortunately I have to go to class for two hours, but when I get back I'm gonna suck it up and write.

I actually really hate writing, if it's not apparent.

Suspended

So, I've been suspended from work all week (til Friday) because I didn't work last weekend and didn't call in to inform them that I wasn't working. Being suspended from work is a lot like being suspended from school; not really punishment.

The last night I worked was Wednesday, and I did well. Except for the fact that one of my customers (who is a regular) only gave me $300 for our hour vip, which I didn't realize until later in the night, after he left. I made up for it a little by charging the next guy $250 for the half hour, so it's not that bad. Still pisses me off, especially if he did it on purpose.

Thursday evening I decided I wanted to go to the beach. I let the mexican know of my intentions and he wanted to go too. We tried to get more people to come along, but it ended up just being us. We left around 3:00 in the morning, and got to the beach around 8:30. It was fun. We were wasted the entire time (as usual) and I'm too lazy to write out all the shenanigans we got into.

I proceeded to spend the entire rest of the weekend with him and his roommate, who is one of my best friend's boyfriend. We all hung out at the pool and drank through sunday. Monday came, and I found out I was suspended from work, which I honestly think is a good thing because it allows me to be sober for a week. So far it's been almost 3 days, and I still haven't touched alcohol.

I have a feeling I'm hanging out with the mexican tonight, so we'll see how my sobriety goes then...

What nice feet you have...

I didn't do particularly well at work any of the days I made it in this week. Not horrible, just not great.

I did have one customer who wanted to eat m&ms from between my toes. He was a foot fetish guy (and maybe and m&m one, too). At first I was like 'hell no,' but then I figured I'd rather deal with that than the usual gropeasaurus rex. So, I raised my price a bit (hey, gotta pay more for out of the ordinary shit) and off we went. It was weird, but not too bad. No regrets. It's funny getting the fetish guys, 'cause they often look nothing like you'd expect.

Tonight at work I'm going to be harassed by the bouncer, as he keeps harassing me about our next date. I just don't want to date him. Hell, I don't even want to go on any more dates with him, fancy free dinners and all. Gah. Such a shitty situation. Any suggestions on what to tell him without making our working relationship weird? I've already told him I feel weird about dating a coworker, and that I'm just not sure I want to be dating anyone right now, to no avail. What makes it worse is that all the other bouncers know about the mexican (who i'm pretty regularly sleeping with at this point), so I wonder if they told the bouncer about him.

Speaking of the mexican, we hung out this weekend and acted like drunks. It's one of those relationships (and I use that word extremely lightly) that is super fun, but probably unhealthy. Oh well. I'm not good at reading people, especially when I'm sloshed all the time, so I have no idea what's going on in his head (I'm not sure he does, either).

While I'm on the subject of men I've slept with, the ex decided to pop into the club Friday night...He's been doing that a lot lately. Luckily for me, I left 2 hours early that night, so I was literally doing my last dance of the night when he walked in. I went straight to the back after that without saying hello, and went home. Of course he had to send me some smart ass message. I really don't know what's going on in that man's head...

I would never let her do that...

This weekend, like most, was spent drinking, drinking, and drinking some more. I'm not even sure how I managed to make it to work on Saturday night, granted I was over 2 hours late. Even with my late fines and short shift I did well. I think I might do the late thing every weekend.

It's funny how it seems that the crappier you look at work, the better you do. Maybe guys really do go for the disheveled look. There will be nights where I'm super done-up; skinny body, very tan, perfect outfit, hair perfect, nails done up, impeccable makeup, the whole nine yards...and nothing. Then, there are nights like Saturday where I'm suffering from alcohol poof, pool hair, skanky nails, bathing suit tan lines and I do great. Probably just a coincidence.

Friday night I went out with a bunch of people, including the Mexican (new name for my friend's boyfriend's roommate). It was fun, but I drank a bit too much. When I go out I dance; I'm not one of those sit-at-the-bar and look bored types. I'm out on the floor. Apparently this bothered some people the other night, as a group of girls approached the Mexican and said something to the effect of "I can't believe you let your girlfriend go off and dance with other dudes like that...I would never do that." A few things about that

a)I'm not his girlfriend

b)I would never want to be with a guy who 'lets' his s.o. do stuff. wtf?

c)Why do people care so much about what other people (who they don't even know) are doing.

d)What a tacky way to hit on someone.

e)It's weird hanging out with a guy who's attractive enough to get hit on by multiple girls in the course of a night.

Anyways. Night ended and Saturday started way too early. Somehow almost our entire group had disappeared through the course of the night and when we woke up it was just the Mexican and me. We promptly hit up McDonalds, Target, and the liquor store (in that order), and started day two of the holiday weekend. Saturday consisted of both of us being trashed the entire day. Our friends rejoined at some point and we spent a few hours at the pool. I remember we kept trying to go off and...make sexytime, and we kept getting interrupted. Then the Mexican passed out and I decided about two hours too late that I should head into work. Glad I did, though.

Sunday was fairly tame in comparison, just the traditional cookout and chill at the pool memorial day thing.

Refreshing

My week-long hiatus from work came to an end on Wednesday. Things were definitely slow this week, maybe because this is the last week of grade school?

On Wednesday one of my easy regulars came in and did an hour. That was basically most of the money I made that night. I somehow kept my drinking to a minimum, even though I hadn't imbibed for a week. I'm trying to lose some of my tolerance for memorial day, so I can get nice a tipsy without too much effort. It's kind of sad how much thought I put into these things.

Last night was blah-tastic. One of my friends almost got fired for pouring juice on a guy-multiple times. In her defense, the motherfucker totally deserved it. First, he tried to slide a nickel between buttcheeks. Now, I guess this could be silly/funny if you have really strong rapport with the guy, but she didn't. Then he made the mistake of slipping a dime into her garter. She flipped the fuck out. She went to grab the carafe of cranberry juice that was on the table. Luckily, a girl grabbed it out of her hand before any damage was done. Unfortunately, there was another one filled with orange juice within reach, and this one met its target. Clearly feeling that the oj was not enough, she then started grabbing rogue drinks scattered about the table and dousing the douche with those as well. She got a stern lecture from out manager, who kindly asked her 'not to be so ghetto', and the offender was kicked out.

Other than that, a totally boring night.

Hey ma

Soooo.

Wednesday night was lame. I was pretty bored/annoyed all night. I felt like I drank a ton, but ended up blowing really low. That was nice. Now I have a week off work since I'm out of town!

I hung out with my friend's boyfriend's roommate again. He can be really dumb, but I like him. It's weird, the thing/s that cause you to like someone. I don't even know what it is, there are just some people I'm attracted to, regardless of their looks or personality. Maybe it's pheromones or something.

We didn't have sex, mostly because we were in the bed with two friends of mine, and I thought it would be pretty gross to go at it right next to them, even though they were passed out.

Apparently he's referring to me as his 'girl' to our friends. Funny. He's half mexican, so he always calls me ma, and that cracks me up.

I'm in sort of an odd position right now. There's the bouncer, who I don't really have an interest in, but kept bugging me for another date, which I mistakenly accepted. Now he's insistent that we do it again, and I don't know how to end things. Normally I'd just tell him that it's not gonna happen, but because I work with him, it's weird. Plus I already tried that and it didn't work. Gah.

Well, maybe I'll meet a hot Harvard graduate while I'm up here and just stay here. That would solve all my boy problems.

Hit me baby

I have to tell you about this hilarious customer I had tonight.

He summoned me while I was dancing for another group of guys, and he told me that he wanted to go to the back (vip), pronto. This always makes me suspicious, but he seemed harmless enough.

We get back there and the first words out of his mouth are

"what do you want to do to me?"...

So I start talking shit, and mention that I want to spank him. He's really into this idea and he bends over in spanking position. I start slapping his ass as hard as I can, because why not... Then he takes off his belt and tells me to hit him with it. I'm a little hesitant at this point because I don't want to get in trouble for hurting this dude, but I oblige.

So here I am smacking this dude's ass with his own belt in vip and it's loud. Really fucking loud. I'm trying my hardest not to crack up laughing as I'm smacking this 45 year old bald man from New York on the ass with his own belt, and it's hard not to.

Of course he then tries to get me to go back to his hotel room with him, telling me I can "do whatever I want to him". I throw out a ridiculous pricetag that I'm sure he won't be willing to pay, and he tries to haggle. I finally tell him that I had a nice time, but it's just not something I can do.

Later, as I'm tipping out, I see him talking to another girl who I'm sure won't hesitate go back to his room and beat the hell out of him. I wish I could be a fly on that wall.
I like beating men up, but this was just too much.

Nothing noteworthy

Work was...work-esque this weekend. Nothing particularly noteworthy happened. Well, besides all the bouncers asking me questions about my bouncer suitor and our date. I still haven't decided how to deal with this situation.

Last night I did threaten to 'kick some guy in his fucking face', which put a damper on the rest of my night (luckily his obnoxoius behavior occurred later in the night). He was one of those ones that think it's a good idea to try and tickle(?) my ass-crack with a folded dollar bill while I'm dancing for him. Except I wasn't even dancing for him, I was dancing for his friend. Neither of those scenarios are ok, but that pissed me off even more. His face after I snapped at him was priceless, though.

I'm thinking of switching clubs soon, I think I need a change.

Date with the bouncer #2

So, in traditional me fashion, my date was...interesting.

I arrived at Captial Grille about 20 minutes early. Being an alcoholic, I decided to sit at the bar and enjoy a cocktail in my spare time.

Unfortunately, as I walked in I was recognized by none other than a customer of mine. He was dining with a friend and beckoned me over. I reluctantly meandered over to his table and took a seat. They ordered me a drink (a delicious concoction of stoli and pineapple) and made small talk. Then my customer decided to take a trip to the restroom, leaving me alone with his friend. Of course his friend inquired as to how I know said customer and I sat there and muttered incomprehensibly. I had told them that I was there for a date that I was less than excited about, so of course this lead to them encouraging me to ditch my date. I stood firm in my decision to not ditch my date, even though my customer's friend is one rich motherfucker. I mean, VERY wealthy. I did get his number ;). He told me about his house in Florida, and his house in Colorado, and talked about other rich person stuff that I wanted to roll my eyes to.

My customer (his friend) arrived back as we were exchanging numbers, which was awkward in and of itself because we've spent hours in vip together, and he (my customer) has asked me for my number numerous times (I always refuse him). Gah.

My date arrived, and I ate a lot of delicious food and blah blah blah. We went to Tongue and Groove and then went bowling (I won, btw). It was fun, but I'm sooooo not attracted to him. I used my best kissing avoidance techniques and got away pretty easily. For some reason he enjoyed himself and wants to see me again, despite him spending $200 on me and not even receiving a kiss.

I hate this situation and I want out.

Getting to know my new friends

So I slept with my friend's boyfriend's roommate on Friday night. The hot fitness model one...What's wrong with me? Actually it was fun and he is hot, so I'm not really disappointed or anything. Not sure where things are going to go from here, though. I guess it would be convenient. He's an alcoholic as well, so that would be fun, but probably not too healthy.

Work was decent last night as well. I was trashed-I actually went into work drunk-and was pretty lit all night. Had exactly 8 one hundred dollar bills when I got home. No tens, twenties, or ones. Weird. I must have tipped them all out.

I'm sooo tired, it was a long weekend.

Rewind

Where do I start...

As I was leaving for work on Friday I hear my phone vibrate. It's a text from the ex. I haven't talked to him in months, and didn't plan on ever seeing or talking to him again. Of course, that never seems to happen. The text simply says 'sociopathic stripper' [it actually says my stage name, but I didn't want that to be public].

I decide to ignore it and head to work. Unfortunately curiosity got the best of me and I responded with '?'

"are you working?"

I respond a few hours later (hey, I was working) with a 'yeah'

When I check my phone towards the end of night this gem is waiting for me

'I was at your club earlier but i didn't see you...must have been in vip'

Now, I was in vip, but only for an hour, so I find it hard to believe that he happened to be at my club during that time.

He then makes shitty conversation and tries to get me to go over to his house. Hell to the no.

The next day I get more texts from him.

"Come to Opera with me tonight"

"I'm working" I respond.

I go off to work and everything is going well. I go to check my phone around 1:00, and there's a text. A one word text. I get a bad feeling and realize that he's probably at my club.

I start to walk out to the floor and *bam* I see him. I beeline back to the dressing room and bitch to the housemom and other girls.

I finally get the nerve to leave the dressing room, and go to the bar. Of course he sees me and comes over.

"what the fuck? I told you not to come to my club. I could have you kicked out."

"Wow, I haven't seen you forever"

"Will you buy me a shot?"

"You should buy me a shot, you're the one with all the money."

I walk off.

Of course I get called to stage 2 minutes later because the universe hates me. My ex is standing in the corner, not watching me on stage of course. He does come up and tip me 8 dollars as I give him the death stare. He leaves shortly after I get off stage and continue to ignore him.

Of course I get a text about how I should come over. I'm almost impressed he has the nerve to booty text me after the fact that I've told him numerous times I hate his guts. I reject his offer and tell him to have fun sleeping alone.

The next day, I have this gem waiting for me,

"I finally found that middle eastern girl I'm gonna do"

"Wow, that took you a while; almost a year. Glhf."

I mean seriously? Was that some sad attempt to make me jealous, because if anything it made me relieved. Go booty call some middle eastern chick and leave me the hell alone you disrespectful sleazy-ass motherfucker. Gah.

In other news, I went to a cookout with my friend and a bunch of her coworkers (she works at a gym) on Sunday. Now, in Georgia you can't buy alcohol on Sunday, and due to poor planning, we had none. So we all decided to go to a mexican restaurant for drinks. I got trashed and blacked out (surprise surprise). Apparently I was all over one of the guys there, but I don't remember. He's a fitness model, and pretty attractive, so that's good.

I'm hungover as hell today. Work is gonna blow tonight.

Stomp

I worked Easter Sunday and it was pretty good. Not as great as Easters passed, but decent enough.

We barely had any girls, in fact, when I got there I was the only girl on night shift, and we had two 4:00 to 12:00 girls. Eventually, more girls showed up; I think we had ~20 by the end of the night.

When I went on my first stage set this table of Dubai(n) guys kept coming up and tipping me. They were tipping me big money, all 10s and 20s. I think I made ~$100 off them at that stage alone. I went over there to thank them and see what they wanted, and ended up doing a few dances for them. I think they gave me a 100 dollar bill, so that was $200 in the first hour of work. They were really grabby though. I've been tolerating a bit more grabbiness than normal lately...I think it's because I'm not as skinny as I'd like, so I don't feel as pretty. Kind of messed up.

Last night was slow slow slow. There were a lot of thunderstorms and tornadoes and such, so not many people went out. I think I actually made the most money of the night because when I went to get my credit card money from the manager, the conversation went like this:

"Looks like you're the big winner tonight."

"What, that can't be right, I'm never the big winner."

"look."

So I looked at the sheet where they keep the money totals for credit card vips, and sure enough I had the highest total! Now, this sounds great, but last night was so bad that the highest total, mine, was only $400. That's one hour of vip. Bleh.

One of my stripper friends called me the other day to tell me about a customer that she got. He was a fetish guy. She gets those all the time, but I never do. Anyways, he was into trampling. Trampling involves the girl stomping all over the guy, with stilettos on and everything. He also liked to be spanked, and ridden around like a pony.

I wish I could get customers like that; all mine just want to grope/try to kiss me.

You must hate men

I get the question "So working here must make you hate men?" a lot.

First off, I think it's interesting that the people asking think that men's behavior is so abhorrent and disgusting in the strip club that it would incite hatred in me. Tells me a lot about what certain men think of their own kind.

Secondly, no, I don't hate men. I go through periods of disliking men, mostly specific ones, but I think most people who have been hurt or pissed off by the opposite sex go through these periods.

How can I hate men? How can I hate anyone who on a routine basis gives me so much money?! Sure, I think a lot of men have issues. Maybe not even issues as much as differences that are manifested in behaviors that tend to be offensive.

Yes, sometimes I'm saddened at how men see women-but as an ardent supporter of the 'we're all just trying to reproduce' theory, men's behaviors make perfect sense. Is it hurtful to be constantly objectified, both inside and outside of work? I suppose, but certainly not hate worthy.

That said, thanks to men and their objectifying ways, I made lots of money last night!

The weekend of a drunk

Let's see...

Woke up Friday morning and had champagne for breakfast. I went to class, took my quiz and then met up with a friend for lunch and some beers. Met up with another friend afterwards to go shopping for work stuff, and then we stopped at a cute little bar for dinner and more drinks.

We decided to check out a house party that her friend was throwing, and drank another bottle of champagne. The party was boring, so we went back to her place and played DDR; of course we were drinking more (champagne!) while playing.

Later that night we decided to meet up with more friends of mine at a college bar/pizza place we go to a lot. Ended up seeing ga tech kid there and yelling at him for being annoying. More shots were had. Crashed a my friends' place.

Woke up the next morning and went to get brunch at a mexican place. We ordered two pitchers of margaritas. Drove home (probably a bit too buzzed, but my breathalyzer put me at exactly a .08.), and got ready for work.

Got to work and did maybe around 6 shots throughout the night. I ended up blowing a .22 at the end of the night, but didn't feel overly drunk. I think because I had been drinking all day, as well as the previous day, my bac was super high. Got home and drank another half bottle of champagne and passed out.

I decided to breathalzye the next morning when I woke up, and blew a .09. After an entire night of sleeping...

Of course it was now Sunday funday and we had a festival to go to, so I drove over to my friends' place. We drank greyhounds and got a ride to the festival. Of course it was a beer festival, so we had some beers...and some shots. One of my friends passed out on the lawn so I slept there with her for an hour or so until she woke up (stopped being unconscious). After we left the festival we went home for about an hour, so she could sober up a bit. Then we hit up a mexican place for a pitcher of margaritas.

I made it home last night, which was harrowing because one of my headlights is out. I made sure that I was way under the legal limit before I left because I certainly didn't need to get stopped for having an out headlight and have the officer realize that I'm drunk. Luckily I made it home without trouble.

I woke up this morning with a sore neck (not throat), and a cough. The cough had blood in it, which was a bit disconcerting, but I decided to ignore it because I don't feel like dealing with that sort of thing right now.

I'm on a serious diet this week.

Work saturday wasn't as great as I had hoped because my customer who spent $800 on me last week only gave me ~$250. I also have these crazy looking scratches/cuts on my leg because I was playing with my knife when I was drunk, and didn't realize it was actually breaking the skin until I looked down at my thigh an hour later. Now I look like some sort of weirdo.

I was supposed to go in tonight, but decided I needed a day to detox, plus I haven't gotten my headlight replaced yet.

You should have...

Monday and Wednesday were both quite slow.

Apparently little asian man came in on sunday to celebrate his birthday, and got $10,000 in funny money...Of course none of the other girls bothered to call me and let me know this was going on because they're mostly catty bitches. Argh.

Then one of the waitress was all,

"You should have been here last Monday, I had some customers in and some girls made a lot of money." "They were dirty though-all three guys were getting blowjobs, so you probably wouldn't have stayed for very long."

"..."

Sometimes I just don't know what to say.

I'm bored.

question

"If you could ask one question knowing you would receive the correct answer, what question would you ask?"

I have been thinking about this all day.

unremarkable

I'm very drunk...again.

I think i am going to be dating the bouncer soon. I'm such a cliche.

I made a lot of money saturday, but only made 350 tonight.

I heard that little asian man came in last night and spent 10 grand. I am very sad that I did not work last night.

I'm drunk and want to cuddle :(

eejddhdkedfikfnj

I am very drunk. I just took a shower and took the bottle of rum with me in the shower...after work. I had to safe ride it because I was blowing a .15.

I made a little over $900, so I guess I'm not too upset about my drunkness.

I have a new customer that is 'in love' with me. unfortunately he does not yet realize I am able to fake cutesy awkwardness...He will soon figure this out. I am a little fatter than I wish to be, but I have been making a lot of money at work so I guess it's not too bad.

All my friends are dating men, older men, and I feel very left out. Unfortunately I have realized I do prefer the one night stand over any other sexual encounter.

I cannot type anymore because I am so drunk...this is why I like living alone!!!

fucking fuck

I left my goddamn bra at work again and my bottle of champagne and 6 shots of vodka a day diet is starting to show. Fuuuucccckkkk.

A fabulous club and a fabulous life

Back to the world of my strip club. It was nice having almost two weeks off, but I must admit, I kind of miss the club after a while.

Saturday was fine...Nothing eventful really happened. My club has undergone a bunch of renovations lately. First, the club was expanded. Then both bars were ripped out and redone; now they have marble tops and nicer finishings. Then the neon orange plastic palm trees were added; they also light up with chaser lights. All the stages were redone and the lights as well. Saturday night the manager told me that they're putting in new carpet soon. It's nice when your club doesn't look like a shithole, even if it still is.

Sunday night some friends and I went to this mexican restaurant in a very gay section of town. Then we went to the gay club next door. Like I'm sure every woman who's ever been to a gay club before has said, I want to be a gay man. Or even just hang out with gay men. They're all attractive. Nice bodies, stylish clothes, they smell nice. They're friendly and happy and drink a lot. They can dance like nobody's business. Best of all, they aren't trying to sleep with me.

I'm pretty much only going out to gay clubs from now on.

sb 2011 pcb

I got back from vacation on sunday, but decided to postpone work until Saturday. I'm still in lazy vacation mode, even though I did make it to class today.

Panama city was...fun. Definitely going to be the last time I do the whole spring break thing-everyone was a lot younger than we were.

As far as vacations go, it was fairly eventful. We were first to the scene of a car accident on the way there. Two middle aged men crashed their car on a construction bridge. Luckily the guard rails held, so the car didn't end up in the ocean. They seemed (smelled) drunk. The passenger was laying on the ground, pretty bloodied up, and the driver was stumbling about. We're pretty lucky because if we had gotten there 1 minute earlier they probably would have collided head on with us. Plus, it was 2:00 in the morning and there weren't many people on the road.

We saw a man have a heart attack on the beach. CPR was administered, we're not sure if he lived.

While we were walking, we witnessed a car crash into a glass store front. It was very loud and startling considering we were about 30 ft. away.

Then, there was some gigantic shark off a pier. We later found out it was a basking shark, so essentially harmless.

As for the bulk of our trip...

My friend and I were walking about, trying to find a bar to drink at, when a gorgeous ford f250 pulls out from a gas station. There are two young men in the truck, and they ask us where we're going. I drunkenly look in the distance and see a sign that says 'pizza', and I say "we're going to the pizza". Then the extremely hot driver says "do you want a ride?" Of course, lacking all judgement and being absorbed in the handsomeness of the driver, we get in.

Now I know everyone (anyone?) reading this is shaking their head. Really? Getting in the car with strangers? Natalee Holloway, anyone? And I agree. It was a monumentally retarded thing to do. Luckily, karma (from helping the accident victims prior) was on our side, and we were not murdered. I remember feeling extra confident because both my friend and I had out 3 inch switchblades on us. In hindsight, I don't think that would have helped much.

So anyways. As we're driving around we realize that the guys, while veeeerrrrrryyyyyyy hot, are also extremely dumb. That's ok, because I've realized that I have an affinity for really dumb guys. We end up just riding around for what seems like forever, and then we decide to head back to our condo. We all exchange numbers and that's that. Oh yeah, and it turns out driver boy is a cop. A very hot, very dumb, cop.

The next night we're out at a club and we get a text. A horribly misspelled and nonsensical text, from the hot men. At this point we're both drunk and getting tired of the people who we're hanging out with, so we ask them to pick us up.

"we have our bikes tonight."

Knowing these two, we figure they are probably on actual bikes of the bicycle variety.

"that's ok, come get us."

So they do, and thankfully they are motorcycles. We helmet up and ride off into the night.

Well, more like back to our condo where I proceed to have sex on my friend's couch sans condom. I needed to get tested soon, anyways.

A good month

So last night broke my awesome streak. I've made over $700 50% of all the nights I've woked this month. Totals for the month: $160, $80, $870, $730, $760, $400, $450, $800, $700, $300. Man, those first two nights really fucked me over. Unfortunately last night was a $300 night. Plus, I needed safe-ride (that thing where they drive your car home for you), which put me out an additional $40. I'm working tonight, so hopefully I won't dip under the 50% line.

I have a new customer who I can tell is going to become obsessed with me. He's actually not too bad, and pays really well, so I hope we can just keep things as they are, and he doesn't start trying to date me.

My bouncer on the other hand...He came in on saturday (as a customer) and tipped me $200 on stage. Both hundred dollar bills. I was complaining to him the other night about guys that make it rain, because while having all that money is nice, it's a pain in the ass to stack and face it. I mentioned how I wished they could just give me a few $100s instead. Of course once I went over to talk to him he started bugging me about going on another date with him. I may or may not have agreed to a date next thursday. God, I think I just let the bouncer 'buy' me.

Ga tech kid still calls and texts a few times a week, and I still ignore him (for the most part).

I love how the less you want someone, the more they want you. Well, except when I'm on the wanting end of that deal.

'til death do us part

I often wonder about the wives of the men I dance for.

Do their wives know what they do in the evenings?

Do their wives know that some 22 year old is shoving her tits in their husband's face and grinding on his erect penis?

Do they know that their husbands are propositioning women to meet them at their hotels when they get off work?

Maybe they're ok with it. Perhaps they're involved in an open marriage. Maybe their wives have men on the side as well. They could be bitter and cold or have neglected their appearance and sex life altogether.

I know this probably isn't the case for most of these women. They probably have no idea. Would they be devastated if they knew?

I used to be angry at men, all men, for what they were doing. That anger has slowly faded to acceptance. I suppose in a similar vein as the stages of grief...even the depression that comes with the reality of what's going on is no longer present.

With that said, I did very well on Wednesday; made over $800. This month has been exceptional thus far.

Thank god for married men and their icequeen wives I suppose.

relativity

After the greatness that was last week's income, this week has been a bit disappointing.

I've been stuck in the $400-$500/night range so far. Hopefully tomorrow night will break that trend.

Last night was dead, as mondays have been lately. Luckily my new strategy of giving the bouncers lots of money paid off, as one of them hooked me up with a vip. The vip was an asian man who spoke absolutely no english. It went well enough, but it was weird not being able to talk to my customer at all.

I had another guy who wanted me to look him in the eyes the whole time I danced. For 6 songs. I did, because I have no problem with eye contact, and he gave me $100.

I've decided that shopping is way more rewarding than relationships. I've spent over a grand in the last week on clothes and accessories!

On tipping in excess

I feel like crap this morning. Drank too much and did a bit too much coke last night, I guess.

There is good news, though. Last night was my third $700+ night in a row. Perfect timing, with spring break coming up.

We had 88 girls last night, it was insane. I was actually about to leave, then as I was tipping out a guy grabbed me. I sat down on his lap and 5 minutes later I was in vip with his whole group (4 guys and 4 girls total). Two bottles of champagne and lots of lines later I was $600 richer. At one point the guys were snorting lines off of our bodies, which seems so cliche, but it does happen.

I'm trying a new strategy at work regarding tipping. I'm just exorbitantly tipping everyone. I think I tipped the manager, both bouncers, and the housemom all an extra $20 last night on top of their regular tip out. So let's see: DJ got $80, house got $70, bouncers got $50, housemom got $20, bathroom mom got $10, and the valet got $10. That's a grand total of $240 tipped out. That means I made over a grand before tip out. Nice.


My spring break plans are slowly deteriorating, just as i figured they would. Originally we were supposed to go on a cruise. Then we realize one girl doesn't have a passport, so we can the cruise idea. Then we were just going to head down to florida for a few days. Got an email from one of the girls saying that she just can't afford it because her parents are making her pay her own rent this month. Haha, I remember the days of having to rely on my parents for shit and I fucking hated it. I wish my friends weren't so broke...I just need some adequately funded friends so I can vacation with them. That's all.

a numbers game

Just as I had hoped, saturday was pretty good.

Early in the night, as I was getting done with my first stage set, a middle aged asian man called me over. I had a good feeling about him, so I went and sat down. He asked about vip right away. I told him the price was $200/half hr., and he balked a bit.

"I paid $150 the other night."

The way things work at my club is like so:

There is the room fee, which varies depending on the size of the room. All this money goes to the club. The room fee is $30/half hour for the smallest rooms, and goes up to $100/half hr for the largest room.

Then there is the tip for the waitress. I suppose this isn't absolutely necessary, but you do not want to be on the waitresses bad side, trust me. I usually tell the customers to give her $20/half hour, plus tip her on any drinks that we order.

Last, there's my money. I generally charge $200/half hr. I'll explain the generally in a second.

That makes the grand total $250 per half hr.

I still haven't found the best way to relay this information to the customer. Sometimes I tell them the total price, and deal with the breakdown after we're in the room, other times I tell them my price, and then mention that there's also a room fee. I bring up the waitresses tip after we're in the room. The reason I have a hard time with this is because I don't want the customer to feel like I'm scamming him by not telling him the full price, but I also want to make sure he knows that I'm not getting the full $250.

So anyways, I tell my customer the price is $200, figuring that I'll let him know about the room fee/waitress tip later. We get into the room and the waitress comes in. She asks for the $30 for the room, and he starts talking about how I told him it was going to be $200. The waitress tells him that is what he owes me, and the room is a separate $30. I can tell he's freaking out a bit so I tell him to hand me the $200 and I'll sort it out. I give the waitress her $30 and a $20 tip, which leaves me with $150.

Now, $150 is the minimum we can accept for vip, and I don't generally like doing it because most girls charge $200, and it's shitty to undercut. In this case, I bit my tongue and took it. Luckily he tipped me an extra $60 while we were in the room, so I ended up getting $210 for the room, but the waitress probably still thinks I'm one of those cheap girls.

We end up staying in the room for 2 hours. I end up with $700 after the two hours. Mostly because I also tipped the bouncer $60 for renewing a bunch of times, after we told him we'd only be in there for 30 minutes.

My vip was slightly annoying, but not too bad. He was really clingy, and didn't want me to leave the room because he didn't 'want other men to look at or touch me'. He also wanted me to play with his nipples for what felt like forever. Even though I've been doing this for over 3 years, I still feel like a bit of a weirdo sitting in a tiny room, playing with a middle aged asian man's nipples. I dunno.

I ended up netting a little over $800 for the night (after tipout), so that helped make up for the shittiness that was wednesday and thursday.

On another note, I'm not sure that ga tech kid is understanding that we're not together. I even called him again to re-affirm the fact that I was not interested in a relationship with him, but still got a friday night 'what are you doing text'. And then two saturday calls and a voicemail. And then a sunday morning movie invite. Also a sunday night 'what are you doing' text...So, I don't know.

I wonder if this general sense of annoyance I feel towards him is how the ex roommate felt about me. If so, I feel like a fucking retard.

Sippy cup

My keyboard miraculously started working today. A lot of weird stuff has been going on in my apartment lately.

Work was terrible this week. Not just 'oh I only made $300 a night' terrible, but 'I made $160 on Wednesday and $87 on Thursday', terrible.

Last saturday was good, so hopefully this one will be too.

As I was applying my makeup in the dressing room last night I overheard a conversation between a few of my fellow strippers.

girl 1: "I spilled wine all over my new shorts on the car ride over here."

girl 2: "How'd you get away with having an open bottle of wine in the car?"

girl 1: "I hide my wine in my daughter's sippy cup, the cops would never think to look there."

girl #2 takes a swig from a gatorade bottle which she shook up a few times before drinking.

girl 2: "Yeah, I know what you mean."

It's exchanges like this that make me love work.

Do most of us suffer from some form of alcohol dependence?

Yeah, probably.

But at least there's this feeling of comaraderie. It's hard to explain, but no one will ever understand what it's like to be a stripper, except another stripper. Even though we're all so different, every one of us had that something that caused us to choose this profession; a profession that many people would not even consider an option.

Oyster fest 2011

So, Sunday...

I'll start at the beginning; Oyster fest. Oyster fest is a festival held every year where oysters are eaten, alcohol is consumed, and music is listened to. I had never been to oyster fest before, so me and two faithful companions of mine decided to check it out.

We got there around 11:45, and much to our dismay, alcohol was not allowed to be served until 12:30. We decided to fill our sober time with oysters. We purchased a bucket and got to shucking. Now, I've never shucked an oyster before, and there were no instructional videos or seminars on oyster shucking, so we were left to our own devices.

Oysters don't taste that great. That's why people smother them with lemon juice, hot sauce, crackers, breading, etc. Even though they taste like snot textured ocean blobs I was determined to eat the little fuckers. Mostly because they are such a pain to get to. If I spend 10 minutes prying the little bivalve out of it's house, I'm definitely going to eat the little fucker, if only out of spite.

About halfway through our oyster bucket, 12:30 rolled around. Cue people cheering and running to the various alcohol vendors scattered about. We each got a bud light (1). I'm going to keep a running alcohol tab during this post, as this is important to understanding the crux of this story.

After we finished our oysters we decided to do a celebration shot of vodka (2).

We walked around a bit and chatted with some radio show guys and a dog rescue lady. THey were holding a raffle for the shelter dogs. I asked what the prize was and she said "a stay in the no kill shelter for the weekend." "..." "for the winner?" "No for the dog you sponser." Ok, that makes more sense. I didn't buy a ticket, but I did make a donation.

We decide it time for some more drinking, so we head to the bar. We order two long islands (one for me)(3), and a sex on the beach. I finish my long island pretty quickly and order another (4).

We decide to go exploring again. We run into some people we know. They were boring, so we head back to the bar. I order yet another long island (5). Some older folks start talking with us, and this one lady is taking pictures of me. At first I figure she's just taking pictures of her friends and I happen to be in the frame, but no. My friend informs me that she's taking pictures of me-my face-zoomed in and all. I guess she hears my friend mention this, and buys us all a shot (6).

We then join another group of younger people and do another shot (7). They tell us we should go hang out and party with them after the festival and...I don't really remember what we say, but somehow we get out of there.

We go up to the lawn where the band is playing and dance around. I remember feeling this older lady's fake boobs. I also remember getting another beer (8).

At this point things get start to get fuzzy. I think we met up with some people that we knew and I get one more long island (9). Then one of the guys from the group buys me a shot (10). I think that last shot is what did me in.

From this point on I'm just going off what my friends (who were trashed as well) told me.

I'm sitting on a bench talking to one of my friends when suddenly my head flops down. I guess I'm unresponsive to stimuli and some guy freaks out and yells to call an ambulance. Thus an ambulance is called. By the time the ambulance arrives I am awake but not feeling cooperative. I am fighting with the emts and refuse to get on the stretcher and into the vehicle. This prompts them to wrestle me onto the gurney and strap me down.

While this is going on, the friend I was talking with starts freaking out. Her freak out prompts the police to shove her to the ground and handcuff her. Of course a huge crowd has gathered at this point-to watch the crazy girl get strapped to the stretcher and the other crazy girl get handcuffed on the ground.

I do not remember the ride to the hospital, and none of my friends were allowed to ride in the back of the ambulance with me, so I'm just going to assume I had enlightening conversation with the emts about string theory or something.

When I get to the hospital and wake up I'm still not feeling cooperative. I decide to keep ripping out my IV, which causes my blood and saline solution to spray everywhere. I do this a few times, until my nurse proceeds to tape my whole arm up after inserting the IV, so that I cannot rip it out.

I keep requesting to talk with my doctor, and tell them they can't keep me here against my will for no reason. My nurse informs me that they just performed a blood test and my blood alcohol level is at a .37. My response, "clearly that's not high enough to put me in a coma or kill me, so why am I still here?"

My nurse (who was actually really cool for putting up with my obnoxious behavior) tells me that my doctor has issued me a 2320 (I don't remember the exact number), which basically means I can't leave on my own will because I'm psychologically unstable. Of course this infuriates me even further.

My one friend was with me in the hospital room the whole time, she ended up riding in the front of the ambulance, and she's crying. Of course I can't take anything seriously, so I keep laughing and joking about, which makes her even angier.

My other friend then shows up. She's pissed about being handcuffed and keeps ranting about the police. Apparently she walked three miles to get to the hospital where I'm located.

We're there for however many hours before the doctor finally tells me that if I can find someone sober to come drive us home, I can leave.

One of my friends calls this guy she's seeing, and he agrees to pick us up. They make him sign a release form saying that if I die it's his fault (probably didn't say exactly that), and I apologize to my nurse for being annoying and getting blood all over the place.

I can't wait for oyster fest next year!

Three's a crowd

So, the weekend...

I’ll start with work Saturday night.

I don’t even remember the beginning of the night. Not because I was drunk at the time-but because my memory of the entire weekend is blurry due to the events on Sunday. Anyways, as I was walking around I’m flagged down by an older couple. Well, an older man and a younger Asian woman. The younger Asian lady was very pretty-skinny with fake boobs and long hair. The man explained that his girlfriend was bisexual and wanted to explore that. ‘oh god’, I thought to myself. The thing about couples in strip clubs is that they’re either really freaky or the chick is really pissy about being there. This was going to definitely be the former.

So I sit with them for a few minutes and the man mentions getting a vip room. At this point they seem like typical weirdos and not too fucked up. So we go back to the room and the lady immediately takes off her dress. She’s not wearing any underwear, and a few seconds later she takes off her bra as well. I’m standing there-a little uncomfortable at this point-when the bouncer pokes his head in to tell us the waitress is on her way to collect the room fee. I was hoping he’d tell the lady she needs to put her clothes back on, but he just looks at her and leaves.

While all this was happening her boyfriend was using the restroom. Well, he walks back in and has brought another girl with him. The waitress then joins us to collect the room fee and figure out payment stuff. Well the guy then decides he only wants to pay one girl-me. The other girl starts getting pissy and demands some compensation for her time.

At this point I realize how fucked up (drunk) the guy is. I finally manage to convince him to pay the girl some cash. She leaves, but things continue to get worse. He isn’t cooperating with signing the receipt and keeps scribbling everywhere. Finally he produces a legible signature and the waitress can go.

At this point 25 of our 30 minutes have been used-thank god. He keeps telling me that if his girlfriend likes me, an arrangement can be made involving some sum of cash to fuck his girlfriend on a monthly basis.

Finally time is up and the bouncer comes in and tells the girl she needs to put her clothes back on and they need to leave.

The whole ordeal wasn’t worth the $200.

Sunday was even crazier. I’ll hash it all out tomorrow, but it involves oysters, alcohol, me being strapped to a gurney, handcuffs, and hospital time.

Please like me

The relationship I have with my club is very similar to an abusive relationship with a partner.

I notice that the worse the club is to me, aka-nights where I don’t make money, the more I want to be there. I have a need to impress ‘it’. Inevitably this won’t go on for too long, and I’ll have a big money night once again. This restores my faith in the club, and encourages me to stay with it. This cycle of abuse and reward is probably similar to the dynamics of an abusive relationship, and I take the bait hook line and sinker.

With that said, the past few nights haven’t been very prosperous for me. It’s the combination of an empty club and unmotivated attitude.

With that said, this entire weekend was extremely eventful, both at work and not. I don't quite feel like writing about it yet, though.

Done and done

I finally ended things with ga tech kid.

We met up on Friday after my classes (and tanning). We were eating lunch at some Mexican restaurant and I brought up a text he had sent me a few days ago consisting of two words; “I’m done”.

“What was with that ‘I’m done’ text the other day-was that meant for me?”

“Uhh, I was stuck in traffic and feeling frustrated with our situation…”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like you aren’t making any effort to be with me. It’s like you don’t even like me.”

“Hah! I’ve heard that before…” “I didn’t think we were really doing anything serious.”

“Well I’m starting to develop a lot of feelings for you and I care about you a lot.” ”I think this relationship could be a long-term thing…Of course I have a lot of issues with what you do for a living, and there’s a lot of stuff I have to block out, but you have all the qualities I look for in a partner.”

The conversation went on for a little while longer. I brought up distance and our schedules as factors, but I honestly know none of these things are the problem. I also knew at this point that I needed to end things.

I told him to call me after work.

Went out to the bars with my friends as usual, and got the call around 10:30. I told him to meet me at the bar, where we stayed until closing. After dragging one of my very drunk friends to her room, we started talking in my friend’s kitchen.

I don’t feel like typing out the whole conversation, but it basically boiled down to me telling him that I didn’t feel like things were working and that the chemistry just wasn’t there.

I was a bit brutal about the entire thing, peppering our conversation with jabs about his economic situation, shitty living situation and lack of sense of humor, and looking back I wish I hadn’t mentioned those things. Not because they aren’t true-they are-but because they aren’t the real reasons I didn’t want to be with him. When it came down to it, the attraction (physical and mental) just wasn’t there, and without that how can there be a relationship?

Of course he was upset after this. He mentioned that he felt like he could really be himself around me and that he had become quite attached to me, but at this point I just didn’t care. It’s not fair to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about you.

He drove himself home, as did I.

I honestly feel so much better now that I got that over with.

In other news, I’m buying a tent so my friends and I can go camping, because that will be hilarious.

My one true love...

Is money!

Valentine's day is so much better when I'm $600 richer at the end of it.

I had an easy night at work...did some coke (valentine's day tradition to do drugs of some sort), made money. No difficult vips, no puking or getting too drunk to drive home.

The guy that I puked on in vip a few weeks ago was there, so I apologized for that. He did admit to switching my water shots with his real vodka shots...I knew it!

I met ga tech kid's family, well what's left of it anyways. He's technically an only child, but has some step siblings that aren't genetically related to him at all. Blah.

I'm getting a new keyboard thursday so I can type like a decent human being once again.

So tired

Spent the night/morning [5:00 am-11:00 am] in the [Grady] ER waiting room, and now I have to go to work.

Kill me.

Just one more chance

Work has been…uneventful.

Last night I worked during ‘the bouncer’s’ shift, and he still seems to be pursuing me, even after I told him I was dating someone and that I didn’t feel like dating fellow employees was a good idea.

“Call me”

“Call you what?” (laughing nervously).

“Just give me one more date.”

“Have you been working out? You look really jacked.”

I’m holding strong. Sometimes I have trouble being firm and saying no; especially when it comes to relationships and dating.

Last night was slow. I drank a lot early in the night, but my tolerance is back up because I’ve been drinking pretty heavily lately.

I’m going in tonight, even though I have class tomorrow…I not only made an A on my last test, I made the highest grade in the class!

Still haven’t cut the cord with ga tech kid. He even mentioned introducing me to some of his family members this weekend…Again, apparently I have issues saying no and being truthful about what I want.

I still need a new keyboard-ugh.

Here comes the bride?

Work Saturday night was interesting. I was called over by a fellow dancer to go to vip with a group. They wanted girls that looked like her (tall, thin, brunette), so she summoned me and another girl. The guys had just gotten back from a wedding, and I somehow got stuck with the groom. That’s right, he was at the strip club on his wedding night. Where the bride was, I have no idea…

Anyways, we get back to the room and things start to get (more) depressing. My guy keeps trying to finger me, and I finally tell him the pussy is off limits. Then they decide to renew and my guy complains a bit, saying, “but my girl won’t even let me touch her pussy.” This is awkward enough as it is, but it’s even worse because one of the girls is letting her customer finger her in clear view of everyone else. So she sits there looking sheepish and everyone is just waiting for the waitress to say something and end the moment.

When that hour is finally up they consider renewing again, but I tell my customer that I think I’m going to head out early.

Not really a horrible night, but I still don’t understand why the groom was there on the night of his wedding. Working at the club definitely makes the idea of marrying a man somewhat repulsive to me.

In more lighthearted news, I went out on Thursday and got sufficiently drunk. When I woke up Friday morning to go to class I was still drunk and feeling sick so I took another shot (or two). By the time I got to class and started taking my quiz I was fairly wasted. Can’t wait to see how that turned out.

After my quiz I was supposed to meet up with ga tech kid and tell him things weren’t working out. I did meet with him, but chickened out…so we ended up going out for Mexican and drinking margaritas.

I suck.

Let's make a deal

Last night I did a ton of cocaine and got paid very well for it. Normally when I partake in the ingestion of coke, I do a few bumps or a line or two, last night I probably did ~ 6 lines. Granted they were small lines, but still, probably too much.

I was sitting with a regular of mine when another customer whom he’s acquainted with calls him over. My customer does mergers and acquisitions, and apparently this guy is looking to sell his business. This man comes in the club a lot, and it’s widely known that he has tons of money and does copious amounts of coke. I’ve never been one of his girls, though.

In some sort of business deal/bonding attempt, he invites my customer and myself to the vip room with him and his girls.

This was early in the night, and I hadn’t been drinking much, so that was nice.

We get up to the room and right away the guy hands my customer a baggie of coke. Ahh, business is so cute. My customer is surprised that I occasionally partake in using; I guess I don’t seem the type. The coke is pretty high quality, and I did so much that the rest of the night was spent trying to recover. Coke always makes my mouth sooooo dry.

The girls were surprisingly clean; I think everyone was more focused on drugs than sex at this point. There was one shooter girl who was letting us take her test tube shots out of her pussy. Not that bad, except for the person who has to touch the shot tubes before cleaning them at the end of the night.

As much as I love it, I always feel so shitty and depressed a few hours after it wears off.

You just don't get it

So, I'm working on breaking things off with ga tech kid. By working on, I mean ignoring him until I come up with a good way to say "I have no interest in hanging out with you anymore, not as friends and not as sex partners."

I've realized that there's just no chemistry there. We have a completely different sense of humor (I'm not actually sure he has one at all). We'll be out with my friends, who joke around a lot, and you can tell he's just not 'getting' it. He takes everything so literally. I suppose it has to do with how he was raised, mostly.

There's also the fact that he has no money. If I'm going to be with a broke motherfucker, he better at least have an interesting personality. Meh. The whole thing is just meh. At least it's only been 3 months or so-not too much time wasted.

Work has been incredibly boring lately, due to me not drinking.

Two of my friends just joined match.com, so I can't wait 'til they start going on dates. I can date vicariously through them, since I don't really seem to be that interested or cut out for relationships.

slow typing ahead

Keyboard is still broken. I'm probably going to buy a new one this weekend.

I worked sat and sun. Of course a million people had to come up to me and remind me of how drunk I was two weeks ago. No shit, I was there for that.

I finally had the balls to talk with the bouncer and let him know our relationship wasn't going to happen. I told him it was because i had met someone, but the truth is I don't want to date someone I work with.

That's all i can manage to type with this on-screen keyboard.

fuck water

Some retard spilled water on my keyboard (not me for once) and a bunch of keys aren't working. I've been using my on-screen keyboard, but it takes forever, so until i get things fixed I'm not going to have the patience to post.

I suck.

Thursday night was nothing short of a disaster.

I had drastically cut down on my drinking for the past month and a half. I've gone from drinking quite a bit nearly every night to drinking once a week, tops.

I had a feeling I'd get drunk on Thursday but it wasn't a big deal because my friend was working and she'd give me a ride.

As soon as I get out on the floor a customer of mine who is notorious for buying drinks calls me over. Then the shots begin. Apparently my club is no longer carrying stoli o, my drink of choice, so I was forced to drink ketel o. This is nearly a reason a quit altogether.

Four shots down. I'm feeling pretty buzzed, but not too bad. I decide to move on and try and make some money. I track down my friend, who's sitting with a customer that we're both familiar with. He's a really cool guy-adorably awkward.

A round of shots is ordered. Then another round...

This guy does go to vip, and he goes for a hours at a time. Somehow my friend and I convince him to take us both to vip. I remember nothing beyond this point, so the rest of the story is what I've managed to piece together using what witnesses have told me.

We get to the back room and decide to do one more shot. My friend and I ordered our shots as water shots but the customer switched mine with his and I ended up getting vodka-again.

Then, with all the charm and poise I can muster, I vomit on the vip bench next to my customer. This clues my friend and the customer into the fact that I am not feeling very well due to alcohol consumption. I am then escorted out of the room and back to the dressing room by my lovely bouncers. I spend the remainder (4 hours) of the night slumped over in a chair by the trashcan in the dressing room.

Towards the end of the night as I am starting to regain consciousness, my friend walks back into the dressing room with a mouthfull of blood and a shattered tooth.

"I fell and smashed my face into the floor," she says in a nonplussed way. Her thumb also appears to be broken and is swollen to twice its normal size.

The house mom is having a bit of a rough night at this point-with me as a pukey drunk and my friend with her bashed up face. I give mom the money to tip out and tip her extra (luckily I had money from my vip in the office), while my friend does the same. She was in vip all night and made over a grand. Too bad that's going to go towards fixing her mouth.

We get a cab ride back to her place and I pass out on her couch. Except I don't pass out-I remain awake. I decide to text ga tech kid, but get no response. Annoyed by the lack of response from him, I make the mistake of texting the ex, and of course get an immediate response. We have a text conversation that goes on for about an hour...I'm still not sure what to make of it.

The next morning I feel absolutely terrible and we start to deal with the aftermath. Blah.

I'm not working tonight because I'm going to a going away party for a customer of mine.

I'm embarrassed to go back to work. At the beginning of the night on thursday, the house mom made an announcement specifically asking us to puke in the bathroom if we had to puke. I guess there was a lot of puking all over the place wednesday night. Of course I had to the be the one of fuck that shit up.

It doesn't help that I get two texts from customers this morning informing me that they heard I had a rough night on Thursday, and they hope I feel better.

I'm supposed to be hanging out with ga tech kid tomorrow. I wish I liked him more.

vodka + mario kart

Man I haven't been working AT ALL lately. heh.

Tomorrow and Friday are going to be the only days I work this week. I would work Saturday but I have to go to a going away party...for one of my customers.

Little asian man is throwing the party for my customer who's going to singapore soon. A few other girls from the club are going...it shouldn't be too bad. Probably not getting paid, though.

One of my ex roommates went to my club with a friend of his on Monday. I wasn't working, but I had given him a bunch of free entry passes (no cover!) and I guess he wanted to use them. I can't see him at a strip club.

I've been ignoring the bouncer, which is going to end up awkward when I eventually decide to work a night that he works. I really just think that dating him would be a terrible idea.

Not to mention ga tech kid sprung the idea of exclusiveness on me the other night. Whatever. My sex drive is pretty non-existent, so I doubt that I'll be sleeping with anyone else soon, but if I see or meet someone I want to fuck, I'm going to do so, exclusivity be damned. I'm kind of a hypocrite in that regard. I tend to be pretty jealous/possessive, but don't exactly practice what I preach.

I just went and picked up a bottle of delicious, delicious vodka. It will be extra nice since I haven't been drinking much for the past month or so.

Time to play some mario kart drinking games.

not much going on

December was a lazy month for me. I'm getting back on top of shit now that it's January.

New Year's eve was alright. Like always my original plans fell through with my 'best' friend, so I spent the evening with my summer roommates and ga tech kid.


Because I haven't been working, I also haven't been drinking. I'm not sure if this has had any effect on me, as it still took a lot of alcohol for me to get drunk last night. I also did a bit of coke with ga tech kid and this other guy. Way to start off the new year.

I find myself not really liking ga tech kid. I mean, I like the company, but the person who provides it is interchangeable. I always feel like I'm acting when I'm around others. Especially men. I start to play this role-a very specific role-that isn't really me. I guess it is me, since I act that way in those moments, but it's not...genuine. I can't even really explain it.

I also feel like I might be a pathological cheater when it comes to relationships. It's not that I have a particularly high sex drive, or am attracted to many people, but as soon as someone I'm dating wants to be exclusive, I get the urge to cheat. Just to do it. I dunno.

I'm considering trying women. Not just for sex, but dating too.

I think I'm going down to biloxi with some friends in the near future so that will be a blast.