Shitty coke in the parking lot

So a friend and I hung out in little five a few nights ago for the purpose of watching her friend's band. I don't often go to little five to party because it's just not my 'scene'. I'm not really into the whole dirty pbr drinking hippy thing.

Anyways, when we arrived there weren't many people there. Maybe....15. I felt like it was going to be a pretty lame night, but I'd stick it out. I went and ordered a stoli o shot from the bar and sat perched to people watch. There were some interesting characters in there. From the far-too-old to be here creepy guy to the heroin skinny skanky girl with her douche-bag boyfriend, quite an odd assortment. And then the dancing. Hipsters dance like epileptic squirrels.

So about 2/3 way through the night some northern accent having asshole comes up to me and starts making conversation. He buys me a few drinks (YAY) and proceeds to talk my ear off about his baby mama up in Detroit and blah blah blah. About 30 minutes into the conversation he asks me if I want to do some coke. What is with guys at the bar/club approaching me with coke. Do I look like a fucking coke addict? Anyways I partook in the snorting of said coke (which wasn't that awful) which must have caused the guy to think he had the right to suck my face off. I not-so-politely declined stating that 'I have no idea where your mouth has been'.

You think I'm going to fuck you because you gave me some drugs? Fuck off. Yeah, that's all really.

All alone again...

Holy crap I miss living alone!!!

Slow

Work has been so slow lately. Last night I showed up late (around 10:00) and it was dead. It remained dead all night. At 2:00 it was probably the most busy it had been all night and there were still tons of open tables.

I talked with this one customer who used to come in all the time and thinks he's tight with all the girls. He is always telling me how him and so-and-so are like this (crosses fingers) and how he hangs out with her and her family and blah blah blah. This guy is short, really short, like 5'1 or something, pretty heavy and unattractive. He's knows this and the titty bar is the only place he can get pretty girls to talk to him I guess. If I had a soul I'd be a little saddened by this.

Then I got a VIP with this guy who was a real mushy type. Great VIP, though. He was giving me a back rub and actually asked me if I could take my bra off. I was confused; you mean you aren't going to immediately attack my breasts with your hands with the intensity of someone who hasn't touched a boob in decades...

My bartender is still out of town so I've been sober at work lately. Boring, but nice being able to drive my own car home.

Good Customer, Bad Roommate

Work has been very slow lately, though my money hasn't been too bad; I feel it's mostly because I end up getting lucky.

My bartender is out of the country for two weeks, which means no free drinks at the bar for me (or free rides home). Probably a good thing considering I'm an alcoholic. Right now I'm experiencing some vitamin B2 deficiency, which is apparently fairly common in people suffering from alcoholism.

I'm working tonight and hoping that one of my good customers comes in. This could be considered a regular, but I often forget about him because he's so easy. I actually met him at my last club and then we ran into eachother a year or so down the road at my current one. He's a really smart guy so when he starts talking about work related stuff a lot of it goes over my head, but that's ok. You can pay me to not understand what you're talking about anytime.

My roommate is moving out at the end of August, it's for the best I guess. He's been kind of edgy lately but he's the type of person who always insists that nothing's wrong and he's happy and zen all the time. I've been a bit immature at times regarding him, but it's only 'cause I liked him.

Some girl was getting fired last night as I was leaving work. I heard the manager telling her she can't do 'that kind of stuff" in VIP, so I'm guessing she was being a whore. Good, I'm glad she's gone.

I feel pretty apathetic about life right now. I'm not upset or excited. I guess it's a good thing.

Confused

I don't know what to do.

Sometimes I think about bad things I've done that no one knows about and I get freaked out. I'll be paranoid for a few days that people are catching on and they know.

Why do people do things that they know they'll regret. Is immediate gratification that important...

Every so often I'll get in a mood. I get this feeling of complete control. Everything I say and do is just to evoke a certain reaction to amuse me. I don't care about any of these people or things. It's a state of complete selfishness. I can get whatever I want and do anything to get it. No remorse or regret. Every feeling that I emote is fake-just another tool to achieve what I want.

Then other times I do a 180. I wonder about everyone else. Why people do the things they do to eachother. About people who get married and supposedly love eachother more than anything in the world, and then go and get divorced a few years later and never speak again. Were those feelings they had real? How can you love someone so much and then just cease to care about them out of nowhere.

Wednesday night was my first night back after a 2 week hiatus.

I made absolutely no money until 11:15.

I did do a lot of shots with the bartender, the floor guy, the dj, and the manager!

I was saved by an hour VIP with a guy who i've been to VIP with a few times before.

He didn't remember me as evidenced by his exit statement: "I had a really good time, I think we have a lot of chemistry."

...

I blew too high so I wasn't able to drive home. I tried to call my roommate to pick me up but his phone was off. I got a ride from the bartender (who's in love with me).

When I got home I didn't see my roommate's car in the lot so I checked his room. He was there-along with some random girl in his bed. Whatever.

I was far more upset than I should have been. Mostly because he couldn't bring me to my car the next morning. God forbid he goes out of his way to help me out. The fucking universe might collapse inside itself or something.

I'm moving in a month. I can't wait.