Running away

So I moved out of colorado guy's place. I figured I better get out before I get too attached. After our little fight the other night he started talking about his feelings for me and I think maybe I freaked out a bit. In true sadsociopath fashion I ran away. I'm really regretting it I think. I feel sad and alone. I want to go back but then I feel like I'm being weak-I dunno. Plus living out of hotels is so expensive, I was saving so much money living there for free.

On another note I talked to the ex today and he was pretty upset because he found out his ex (the one he left me for) is getting married in a few months. I do feel bad for him. I know he really loves her and it must be crushing to watch the person you loved and we with get married to someone else. It must make you wonder what was so wrong with you that they didn't want to marry you. Oh well.

I'm in a hotel room right now, it's pretty nice. I miss the boy a lot but I do appreciate the real bed, cable TV and strong internet connection.

%#$^@*

So we got into our first fight. Well, not really. I got upset at him for the first time is more like it. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

I can't wait to travel this May. I'm getting pretty sick of Boulder already. At least the weather's been nice.

I'm sort of oddly upset that I'm not working, pathetic, I know. I wish money wasn't the fuel that drives me. Damn my materialistic nature!

Time for a drink!

My new life-sort of

So I'm in Colorado right now-and have been for the past month. I'm living with a guy that I was renting a room from. I'm no longer paying rent, which is nice. I guess we're kind of dating. I mean, we're fucking and we spend 80% of our time together, but it's only temporary. Colorado is alright... Not somewhere I'd want to live.

I did get a job at a strip club here, but I decided not to work. The club seemed weird and oddly pretentious. They had a pretty strict dress code for the dancers and the manager/owner kept stressing how they try to keep it a 'classy' club. I was just like get over yourselves, it's a fucking strip club-we grind dick for money-it's not classy. Plus I didn't want to buy a bunch of new non-strippery outfits.

I'm still drinking pretty heavily. One thing I like about this guy is that he drinks with me. It's fun to be able to drink with the guy you're dating. He also doesn't talk about philosophy and spirituality non-stop.

I did call the ex the other night. I was a bit drunk and me and my (roommate, fuckbuddy, boyfriend, whatever) had gotten into a bit of a fight so I decided I was going to go out and party. Well, I still don't know my way around very well so I ended up in a parking lot of a shopping center. I decided to call the ex to get some perspective on men because I don't really get them. We talked for a bit and I realized that my feelings for the ex have completely evaporated. Yay for that.

I just paid my taxes, and that's always a bit painful. Happy birthday Uncle Sam.