Things that start fast end fast...

I still feel numb. I stopped taking the medication - I wasn't noticing much of a difference and I wanted to enjoy food again. I'm not unhappy; I just feel blank. Well except when I'm drinking, which hasn't been often lately.

I'm still dating knuckles. Things are moving kind of fast but it doesn't bother me. I guess because I'm not emotionally attached I don't have the fear of losing him that would normally make people hesitate to move quickly. He's very nice to me. Almost too nice - makes me suspicious. Maybe I'm just so used to being ignored or treated not that well that this seems less genuine. I do hope I grow to like him. I spent the weekend at his place and met his brother and his brother's wife. I got drunk with his brother's wife on Saturday night and things were fun and going well until the very end of the night when I started to be mean to him. I think this drunken meaness is a learned response from when I was with the Mexican. Since every other night ended in him yelling at me for various reasons (mostly my job) I learned to start being mean back. Now I just go into attack mode when I'm around a guy I'm sleeping with. I only become a mean drunk around guys I'm sleeping with; I'm all laughs and smiles when I'm drunk around my girl friends.

Not only was I being a massive bitch Saturday night, but the Mexican decided to blow up my phone with what I assume were drunken texts and calls. Of course knuckles was a little annoyed by this (I would have been too), but there wasn't much I could do other than ignore them. Here is the string of texts I received:

Mexican: What you doin?
Mexican: Come here
Mexican: Hello???
Mexican: SociopathicStripper!!!!
Me: Are you drunk? (note this is the only response I gave)
Mexican: No I'm babysitting
Mexican: Come over
Mexican: You coming???
Mexican: Hello?
Mexican: Welp. Seeya later
Mexican: Jerk, where are you? Let's make love maybe?!?!?!
Mexican: Never mind good night
Mexican: Are you awake? Just tell me
Mexican: SOCIOPATHICSTRIPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mexican: Dude are you awake? why won't you talk to me?
Mexican: There is something I have to tell you?
Mexican: Are you coming over, I'm going to bed if your not, let me know ma
Mexican: Just say yes or no babe, I've been waiting
Mexican: I know your up, why wont you talk to me? I miss you
Mexican: Welp. Seeya later.

And then there were phone calls and a voicemail which I still haven't listened to. I know it will either piss me off or make me sad and I don't feel like having either of those emotions at the moment. I don't know what's going on in his head. I'm guessing he saw that I started dating someone on facebook somehow (we're not facebook friends) and that's what triggered that little episode. I do miss him for some odd reason. I actually hold off on crying after having sex with knuckles on Sunday because I felt guilty for still having feelings for the Mexican. I'm still hoping I will start to become more attached to knuckles; I remember not really liking the Mexican for the first few months too. It takes me a while to warm up to people.

I think I got a part time job as a math tutor. I think I'll like it - I love teaching people and I love math.