Being a loser

Not so much going on...

I still haven't gotten my ass out of state to work a weekend and make some cash. I'm not skinny enough right now. Working at the club put enough pressure on me to maintain my weight (well, for the most part) no matter what. If I felt like eating junk food all I had to do was picture myself naked with cellulite and fluff dancing around at work and I could resist. Now there's no reason for me to be thin - not that I've gotten obese (or even overweight), but I'm just not at my 'comfortable in public" weight.

The Mexican called me the other night. Asked if I wanted to go to the bar with him and his friend. I said no. I don't much miss him anymore. I just get annoyed with the type of girls he hangs out with. It kind of hurts my ego that he considers retarded waitresses and skanky coworkers better to hang out with than me.

I don't want to fall in love with anyone - I just want everyone to be in love with me.

A trip to Mexico

So I accidentally slept with the mexican last night. How does one accidentally sleep with someone? Well, it was accidental in the sense that I did not intend to sleep with him at the night's beginning. My friend and I were supposed to meet up with some other girls at some bar, but the girls didn't show. They're the bitchy ex-sorority types who think they're way cooler than they actually are. Well, we ended up going to our local dive bar; the bar that the Mexican and I spent many a night. We go there quite a bit, but the mexican has become less of a drunk and doesn't spend so much time there anymore.

As soon as I approach the door I see him and all his friends. At this point they see us so turning around would have been awkward. In to the bar we go. The mexican is pretty happy to see me, I can tell. We drink and of course end up back at his place. I also lost my phone. His life seems the same - so does mine I guess. He invited me to hang out today but I don't think it's a good idea.

I need some changes in my life. A stagnant life leads to destructive behavior.

Leaving retirement

So I've nailed down the club I'm going to do my '2 weekends a month' stint at. It's in Tennessee, so no familiar faces. I'm hoping once I get there I'll have an epiphany and realize that I don't miss it and I quit for a reason and that will be the end of that. It's just something I need to do - for my piece of mind or something.

I partook in some cocaine usage the other weekend. It sure has been a while! I do love it; though it's a different type of love than the love I have for alcohol. I wish my relationship with alcohol was similar to my relationship with coke. Oh well. I'm here writing about 'relationships' with substances. That's how you know your life is pretty empty!

My coke night was quite exciting. I ended up in some crack house in the ghetto. Well, eventually I ended up back in my hotel room, but there was a 4 to 5 hour period of crack head madness post-club and pre-hotel. I did not try crack, even though the offer was on the table (both literally and metaphorically). It's kind of a convoluted story, I don't feel like relaying it at the moment, perhaps later.

I went on a date last Wednesday. The subject was a very obnoxious and ego-inflated 38 year old lawyer. Dating used to be pretty fun, but now, like with most things, I find it annoying. I told Mr. lawyer that I would not be disappointed if I never heard from him again at the close of our date. I'm so charming.

I'm hoping to start my weekend stripper madness at the end of October or the beginning of November. Hopefully I'll then have some actual content for my STRIPPING blog.