Never let a dude cook in your kitchen?

I worked the Thursday before Christmas. I felt kind of sick at work, mostly because I had been out drinking the night before as well as earlier that day.

I had a customer in who I spent the entire night sitting with save a few dances here and there. He only gave me $300 or so, but I was feeling too crappy to get up and work.

He's moving across the country in a few weeks. I'm somewhat relieved by this because I think he's got quite a crush on me, and he's too sweet-I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I was shaking my ass for some old guy I was dancing for and he made the comment, "It winked at me," referring to my asscheeks slapping together and then separating exposing my asshole. That's when I realized my job is kind of gross. Ha.

Ga tech kid came over last night and we made waffles with my new waffle iron. He bought me a mixing bowl for christmas, since I didn't have one for waffle making. The waffles turned out pretty delicious.

I think this kid kind of likes me. I'm not sure what to do, or how I feel about that. I guess I like him. He definitely has some qualities that the ex didn't, which I appreciate...but I still find myself missing the ex. We had a more playful (when we werent hating eachother) relationship, which I liked. I'm going to give this new guy some more time. I think he'll grow on me.

I'm driving my friend to the abortion clinic tomorrow, that will be a blast!

life without work

I haven't been working much at all this month. I think i've worked a total of 5 nights so far...

I spent the whole weekend in Atlanta.

Saturday morning I went to my friend's graduation reception/lunch thingy. I got to meet her entire family. Very traditional southern. Super religious, super friendly, somewhat racist...delicious food-making abilities. After the lunch we were all supposed to go back to her condo (all being me and her friends; family not included) and drink in preparation for the night ahead, but graduating girl freaked out and decided she wanted to spend the rest of the weekend at her parents' house so she left.

Her roommate and I decided we were going to go out regardless. Ga tech kid came along, which was useful because the bar we went to happened to be charging a cover, but since he used to work there we got in for free. He also drove and bought us libations. Once the night was over he dropped my friend off and we went back to his place, per usual.

The next morning we went and got breakfast and hung out a bit and then I decided to meet back up with my friend from the night before and watch the Falcons game at a nearby venue. We arrived at said venue at 4:30 and left around 11:00. She used to work at another restuarant with the manager there so we got a few free drinks out of that. There was also this company christmas party thing going on, which started at 9:30. I suppose the courteous thing to do would have been to move downstairs as to not interrupt the party, but we decided to make things as awkward as possible and stay.

After we get home my friend is acting a little weird. I confront her about this weirdness and she confesses to me that she is with child. wtf. Apparently the guy she's been hooking up with impregnated her, so yeah. She keeps trying to call him to inform him of this, but because he's a doucheface he isn't answering his phone. She finally decides to text him the news. Nothing like finding out you knocked some chick up through a text.

Speaking of texts, the ex texted me the other morning. I hadn't texted or called him for over 2 weeks so I guess he was due. He acts annoyed whenever I contact him, but when I go too long without contacting him, well you know. I think he may have some sort of sense that allows him to know when I'm dating someone. It seems he always starts trying to talk and hang with me once I get with someone else. He has no way of knowing these things, though...

I'm still undecided about ga tech kid at this point. He calls me a lot. Almost every day. I usually answer about 1/3 of the time. Despite this he remains stoic and lacking in affect. I can tell he's bothered by my job yet knows that he doesn't have the standing to say much about it at this point. We'll see how that pans out. I like him when I'm drunk and couldn't care less about him otherwise. Maybe this will change with time.

My social life

So I've kind of been hanging out with ga tech kid for the past few weeks.

I've realized that I have a hard time hanging out with men when I'm sober. I just don't like them. Everything about them annoys me to the point of ruining my mood. Maybe I'm just conditioned from work to associate with men in an inebriated state.

So tech kid. Hung out with him this weekend and a few times last week. He's cool but I only want to see him when I'm drunk. His affect is so flat it cracks me up. He does have a sense of humor but it's pretty dry which is awesome.

Him and a friend of his met myself and a friend at a bar. When he arrived there was a group of probably 7 guys around my friend and me. Of course...we drank. And drank...and drank some more. His friend kept congratulating him and telling him 'good job', 'nice work' in regards to me and it was hilarious, if a bit awkward.

The friend seems like someone who I would have fun going out and drinking with because I got the feeling that he's a bit of an alcoholic party dude. Restaurant people usually are. Tech kid is a bit of an anomaly in that regard, doesn't seem to be a huge partier...though he does drink and go out (which is nice!).

I've been very lazy as far as work is concerned. I have months where I'm at work all the time and really motivated, and then I have months like this where I have to force myself to make it in twice a week. Meh.

A friend from out of town in coming in next week and we're (a bunch of people I know from high school) all gonna hang out and do acid. I'm excited because, believe it or not, I've never done acid. For some reason I've always been terrified of hallucinogens so I've always stayed away. Kind of funny that I'll try meth or heroin but am nervous about acid and shrooms.

It's slightly snowing out right now.

That's why I say 'hey man nice shirt.'

Just got back from my date with the bouncer. He was cute. Younger than I'm used to, 27...He also doesn't drink or do any drugs. He's been to rehab a few times and he's been clean for 2 1/2 years, so yeah. I guess I'll hang out with him again.

A few hours before my date ga tech kid called. I have hung out with him a few times in the past two weeks and we've talked on the phone quite a bit. I don't know what to make of him. He's very...stoic. I kind of like it because it gives me the chance to be the animated one. I'm hanging out with him tomorrow night.

I don't really have any sort of feelings or chemistry with either of these guys (maybe ga tech kid a little), but I need something to pass the time. I miss the ex.

I made $1,100 at work last night which was nice. I lucked out.

I had sat with little asian man for most of the night and made about $200 off him and then he left.

A few minutes later I was called to stage two.

A nerdy looking dude came up and tipped me on stage two and I made a comment referencing his shirt. He was so thrilled that I knew the meaning behind his shirt that he tipped me a $20 on stage. After my set I went and danced for another guy who had tipped me and then returned to nerd guy. About 2 minutes after I sat down the waitress came over with a bucket and bottle of champagne in hand and asked the guy if he liked me. He responded that he kind of loved me and then she said the magic words.

"Well, your friend is back in room 6 and he's paying $500 for an hour for you and your girl of choice so go on back."

Score!

So we go back to room 6 and talk about nerdy shit for a while. I dance a little and there's a lot of champagne and shots. The other guy has two girls back in the room with him and he's drunk. I don't even know how much time goes by, but eventually both guys leave and it's the end of the night. I figured I had only been back there an hour (the money is on credit card) so I'm estimating my nightly income to be around $600-$700.

When I go back to the office to collect my cash, low and behold the manager hands me 2hours worth of vip money. YAY! One of my easiest nights ever.

oh god...

I'm going on a date with one of my bouncers on Thursday...wtf.

You look familiar

Work went pretty well last night. It was the first night I worked since Monday (which was pathetic). I didn't work much this week because I got a pretty nasty black eye Tuesday and it was too swollen and unsightly to exhibit at work. Last night it was easy enough to cover with makeup, though I kept going back into the dressing room to make sure no bruising could be seen.

Speaking of the dressing room-they redid the entire thing. It looks much nicer. Strip club dressing rooms are notoriously shitty.

They also hired about 20 new girls. Most of the new ones are pretty trashy looking so I'm not too annoyed. I guess they want the house fees, but I feel like having crappy looking girls is detrimental to the club's money in the long run.

Speaking of new girls, the house mom was telling me a story about a girl they hired last week. Apparently she had a 1/2 hour vip and came out after ten minutes. She told the floor man that they were done and he informed her that they still had 20 minutes remaining. She then said "well I blew the guy and he came already so we're done." Now this is something I would say sarcastically but this girl was serious. The house mom had to then explain to her how prostitution is illegal and how what she did was considered prostitution. I guess her final words were "so we can't do that here?". Needless to say, she no longer works there.

Last night I had an hour vip with a customer who I've had before. It was funny because he tipped me on stage and I knew that I recognized him, but couldn't place him. He said I also looked familiar but couldn't remember why. I went and talked with him and did 5 dances for him. Then he asked about vip and asked if I partied. BAM. Those words triggered my memory and the mystery was solved. He was my first vip customer after coming back from colorado. The one who did tons of coke in vip. The one who kept "complaining" that I ripped him off, but not in a pissy way.

I reminded him of our previous night together and reminded him that I was a pretty clean dancer. "Oh yeah..." "Let's go to vip anyway."

So we went and both did quite a bit of party substance and he kept asking to do lewd things to me and I kept denying him. Almost identical to how it went last time. Despite his requests I like the guy. Even though he's a hornball he isn't physically pushy and I get the feeling he's more so playing around than being serious. Plus, he's generous with his coke.

One sucky thing about saturdays is that the vip rooms fill up pretty quickly so if you get any vip requests after 11:30 you're probably not going to get a room. I had a guy come tip me on stage and tell me that he wanted to pay for his friend to go to vip for an hour. He said he'd pay $500. I went to go reserve a room and there was a 2 hour wait. Of course they weren't going to be there in two hours and I missed out on $500. Oh well.

Little asian man was there so I sat with him for the remainder of my night occasionally dancing on the table.

Grand total for the night was $600 and change. Would have been more but I accidentally over tipped the dj by $50-gave him $100 instead of $50 because I forgot about my credit card money in which 10% automatically goes to the dj. Oh well again.

Little asian man was in so I sat with him a good bit of the night.

Number 5

So I definitely slept with georgia tech kid last night. The one I met walking back from the football game. He called me a few days after we met (this was in October) but I ignored him like a bitch. Then I contacted him a few weeks ago and we were supposed to meet up but I cancelled (aka got too drunk and didn't show up). All of this probably made him think I'm a terrible person but I'm not.

The only way I can interact with guys is if I'm a) drunk and b) in an impromptu situation. I cannot do the whole planned date thing unless I've already slept with them.

Anyways, I decided that he wasn't too bad and went back to his place instead of my friends' condo where I had planned on staying. His apartment was tragic. Messy and terrible. Really old appliances and just...sad. Apparently I like these kind of guys. With all the wealthy men I go on dates with I always end up liking the poor ones.

This kid does have his degree and is in grad school at tech so that's good.

Back to the story. So I'm rummaging through his stuff like I generally do-checking out his passport and the contents of his fridge (nothing but bud light...)-and of course I suggest more drinking because yeah. I had already decided I was going to sleep with him at this point. I needed to sleep with someone besides the ex and this guy didn't squick me out like most guys. I didn't feel repulsed by him touching me, which is a good sign.

So had sex, went to bed (futon on the floor, of course!), woke up and went to McDonalds for breakfast! I also drank a delicious bud light breakfast style.

He had to work today, he works at a restaurant...I know how restaurant employees are and that makes me nervous but happy. At least I know he likes to party. He mentioned lunch or something tomorrow. I think I'll go out with him again. For some reason I kind of like the kid and think he's a good person.

On the topic of insanity

Worked Thanksgiving night and it wasn't as good as in past years. Made just under $500-and more than half of that was from stage. On one stage set I made $228 on stage in all ones. Nice but annoying because I had to face them all before I could put them through the money counter and trade them in for bigger bills.

The crowd was really young and annoying. I didn't go shopping after work like I had planned because I didn't make my goal (at least $700).

This morning I was woken up at 8:30 in the morning by a phone call from a man we'll call T. T called to tell me that a friend of mine was ready to be picked up from the police station. I wasn't even aware that said friend had been in jail for the last three days but apparently this was the case.

My friend had been arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. Not surprising. This girl is crazy. Not just normal 'girl' crazy, but paranoid schizophrenic crazy. She has been involuntarily committed to mental institutions before and I'm pretty sure she's on her way there again.

I've never been this close to someone as crazy as her. She's convinced that the feds are following her. Every goddamn car beside us, in front of us or behind us is a fed. Every phone she uses is bugged. When her phone cuts out it's because the police are blocking the signal. She told me she can communicate with the feds telepathically. One of her caps just came off her tooth and she's convinced it happened on purpose and it's the government trying to kill her a la tooth decay. She makes all these weird hand gestures and the volume of her voice will go from sane person volume to blasting schizophrenic volume in a split second.

Unfortunately for her she's pissed off a lot of people and if she doesn't get some professional help she's going to end up dead or in jail.

There's nothing I can really do for her at this point because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of my life being interrupted.

She's a brilliant artist. The lyrics she comes up with are genius. Her memory concerning music is incredible.

All the labels that have been interested in her refuse to sign her because she's a goddamn liability.

I don't know what to do. I talked with her ex and he told me to drive her to the hospital so she can get help, but she's 24 so if she doesn't want to go she doesn't have to. She's going to have to get baker acted again.

She stopped taking her meds before because she says it messes with her creativity concerning music. I'm sure this is true, but I feel like it's better that she's able to live a somewhat normal life without musical genius than end up in an institution with her musical ability intact or six feet under. Ugh.

Out of pills.

I really want to sleep for a while but unfortunately I only had 4 sleeping pills left. Enough to put me to sleep but not enough to knock me out for a good 12-16 hours.

I drank two bottles of wine tonight. I'm not sure how many shots that translates to.

I had a decent night on Saturday. Little asian man was there and I had an hour vip. My vip kept rubbing his face on my ear and his face was stubbly. This resulted in my ear being rubbed raw so I had to tell him to stop. When I went to the dressing room afterwards my ear was all red.

Last night was kind of shitty. I sat with this guy who I've sat with once before. I kind of have a crush on him. He's a police officer. He said if we go shooting he'll bring his all his guns (incuding a machine gun!) and I can shoot them.

I texted the ex today and asked him to come to the club for thanksgiving. He tried to start some kind of argument/conversation and I just felt sad. I know he just wants to hang out with me to fuck and it breaks my fucking heart. For some reason I miss him so much and I just wished he liked me for more than sex.

I hate men.

MMA psycho

Last night was my best money night this week. Still wasn't great, but I walked with almost $500 and only worked 5.5 hours.

The little asian man is back. He'd been gone for about 3 weeks because his mom was sick but she finally passed away. I sat with him for much of the night and made most of my money there.

The other customer of mine that night was a fucking psychopath.

I was on the main stage for my first stage set of the night and a larger blonde man with a fresh black eye came up and tipped me a $20. Then about 2 minutes later he came up to the stage again and tipped me another $20. He tells me to come see him after my set and I'm like "yes sir!"

So I go over to his table and sit. He immediately hands me another $20 upon my arrival. Then things start to get weird. He tells me he's an MMA fighter and he had a fight earlier in the day, hence the black eye. It's pretty brutual as far a black eyes go, the whole left side of his face is swollen and bruised and his cheek bone feels broken (yes, he made me feel it). He seems ok with this. He immediately orders two shots of tequila for himself and a shot of vodka for me.

When the shots come he aggressively squeezes the lime into the shot and then tosses the juiceless lime at a girl's ass who is dancing at the table beside us. Hmmm. She turns around and he just smiles at her and then hands her a $20. I guess she decides that the $20 is worth not making a fuss and turns back around to continue her dance.

Mr. MMA is not done with his shenanigans yet.

He starts flinging stuff off the table like a child throwing a tantrum. The ashtray, cigar menu, redbull can, and an empty box of cigarettes are all casualties of his outburst. I start to feel annoyed and tell him I need to go walk around and make some money. He hands me two more $20s and tells me to stay. Ugh.

He then decides to shove a $20 bill into a beer bottle. Once it's in there he turns to an innocent bystander at our table and tells him he can get it out. He takes the bottle and smashes it against the base of the table, shattering the bottle. Not only is there broken glass all over the floor, he managed to cut his hand during the incident, so his hand is all bloody. Of course he doesn't notice right away and gets some blood on my new white top. "you just got blood on me sir," I say in a rather annoyed tone. He hands me two more $20s. He pours some beer on his hand to get the blood off.

The fun isn't over yet, though. He decides to go back to harassing every customer within a 3 ft. radius of himself. He throws a straw at one guy's head. He then makes fun of another guy's jacket. This goes on and on until I finally tell him that I need to go because he's acting like a child and he's going to start a fight. He gives me 40 more dollars and I get the fuck out of there.

About 7 minutes later I see him being escorted out by two bouncers and have a happy party in my head. At least I made $180 off him and only sat there for around 30 minutes.

Still, I'm not entirely sure it was worth it.

The ex started laying it on pretty heavy yesterday and casually mentioned that we should hang out again. Hmmm. I think we're both kind of lame, really.

I'm a poor whore

This week was a vortex of suckiness.

Monday I made just over $200.

Tuesday I lamed out and didn't even go to work!

Wednesday I left with $150.

Thursday my grand total was...$300!

Holy fuckballs. I wrote a fat check to the Georgia Department of Revenue this week to the tune of $900 and I wanted to buy a new laptop this weekend. I guess I'll work tonight and tomorrow and try to scrounge up $1000 between the two nights.

I know exactly why I haven't made any money, too. Tons of tactical missteps. I'll have a guy call me over and instead of going over and sitting with him I go talk to a regular (who doesn't spend money) or one of my stripper friends. Then about 7 minutes later I'll see him go to vip with another girl.

I don't even get too angry or care too much about this. I'd rather not do vips to be honest. If I could consistently make $300-$400 a night without ever doing vip I'd do that. Unfortunately that's not usually possible these days. I do remember when I first started if you worked the floor all night you could make $500 of floor dances alone.

Hell, on the first thanksgiving I worked I made almost $700 off the floor alone. I need to get back to that!

I'm feeling like a fatty blob mess today because my diet has really slipped this week. On Wednesday night I ate potato skins at work that were covered in cheese, bacon and sour cream. Along with a hefty dose of alcohol.

Last night was the worst. I had a huge piece of cake before work. Then 6 or 7 shots of vodka at work and a redbull that wasn't sugar free. Before I left, I ate a snack bag of lays potato chips. Then I smoked a ton of fucking weed when I got home and knocked out an entire bag of ranch doritos snack mix. Not a snack sized bag, either. I threw the bag away without even looking at the calories because holy fuck, I know it was a lot. Today it's vegetables and calorie free drinks for me.

Apparently the ex is living near me again. We had a short conversation yesterday in which I was informed of this move. Not sure at this point how or why it matters.

Then I got an email from the ex last night talking about communication and a link to an article talking about the psychological differences between men and women with regards to communication. I have a feeling this email was somehow prompted by our earlier conversation, but maybe I'm just being self-absorbed.

The ex always sends out these emails after we have any kind of conversation or argument. He'll send them out to his entire contacts list though, so I don't know. This last email had slightly more palatable content than usual. I'll take evolutionary psychology bullshit over law of attraction new age bullshit any day of the week.

Replaced

Last Wednesday I got replaced in vip.

I had an hour vip with two guys and another girl. Apparently the other girl had told the guys that the hour would cost them $300 (this is the minimum we're allowed to charge and most girls wont go that low). After we get into the room the waitress comes in to collect the room fee of $100 per guy for the hour. Then she tells the guys that they need to pay us up front and asks how much they owe us. $400, I blurted out. The guys stammered a bit and then the other girl tells me that she told them $300 earlier. Fuck. They had money, they would have paid the $400 if retard hadn't opened her trap and low-balled that shit.

So now I'm pissed because I'm only getting $300 for my hour and that's not a good way to start off a vip. At least they paid with cash.

My guy wasn't too bad, a bit handsy but listened when I told him "no." Then I notice that the other girl's dude had pulled his penis out. She's visibly upset about this and he reassures her with

"it's ok, they won't even notice."

Uhh, incorrect. I noticed your tiny white limp excuse for a dick hanging out of your pants you dumb piece of shit. Whatever.

About 40 minutes into the vip I tell my customer that I have to go to the bathroom and I'll be right back. I headed to bathroom and tried and waste some time in there. Then I went to the dressing room to check my phone.

I finally decided it was time to head back to the room (I was gone maybe 5 minutes) and as I entered I saw a girl. Some fake-tittied asian bimbo dancing before my customer. The waitress is in there and the whole thing was quite awkward. I figured out pretty quickly that I'd been replaced.

"So, uh, I guess I'm done here," I muttered as I collected the rest of my outfit and exit the vip.

What the fuck? Did they think I just wouldn't notice this? Did they think I wasn't going to come back?

Even more hilarious was the fact that my customer kept complimenting my boobs and telling how nice they were and how he picked me because I have nice real boobs. His exact words were

"That's why I picked you, I hate big fake tits."

...My replacement not only had fake boobs, she had poorly done fake boobs. The kind that look like they're melding together in the middle.

Honestly I didn't care too much about being replaced since I got paid and didn't have to be in there the entire time, but I'm pretty sure I still bitched about it to everyone.

If at first you don't succeed...

Last night seemed pretty dire when I arrived.

There were a ton of girls (there weren't really but all the pretty girls were there). There was a distinct lack of customers. I did two shots at the bar (on a regular's tab who wasn't even there!) and didn't feel buzzed at all.

Then as I am feeling happy for myself for doing four dances for a customer after my stage set I see my stripper friend go into vip. About 45 minutes into the night bitch gets a vip. Of course I was just being jealous, but it's impossible not to be in those sorts of situations.

I am sitting with these two redneck dudes for a while because they are buying me lots of shots. We're playing this game where I do two shots to their every one. I'm about 7 shots in (counting those two I did at the bar and a single one I did with another customer) and starting to feel a bit drunk. I see my stripper friend (the one who got the vip) sitting with some rich looking dudes and start to feel annoyed. There are two guys and she's the only girl over there. I decide to go over and try and procure a ride from her while also giving her an opportunity to include me in their little pow-wow, but no; she blows me off.

At this point I'm getting really pissy because I am always getting that girl in on my vips. About 10 minutes later I see her go back with the guy she was sitting with.

I have a stage set and am practically fuming at this point.

Finally I get a break when a waitress approaches me and tells me a customer at her high top wants me and mentions that I should definitely go (meaning he has money). As soon as I waltz over to him he says "let's go in the back", and I'm like 'cha-chinnnng'.

About 10 minutes into our vip he asks me how much he owes me. "$200, but our time isn't up yet." (I didn't get the money up front but I know he has it 'cause I saw it when he paid the waitress so I'm not worried about getting stiffed). He then hands me the money plus $50 extra and says he thinks our time is up. Ok, whatever. If you're unhappy with my vip then maybe you should have talked to me about what goes on before you insist on going back there Mr. moneybags. Anyways, we leave the vip super early and this always makes me feel like a whore because I feel like everyone is assuming I finished him off early or something. I dunno.

I'm feeling a bit better about the night and start to do a lot more dances.

With about two hours left in the night I'm walking around and my vip guy motions for me to come over. I give him a confused look and point to myself to verify it's me he wants. He nods his head so I head over. Then, I kid you not, he says "let's go to the back again." ... Uh, okay.

So we're back there a second time and he hands me $250 right away. Now this is just really weird because we didn't talk or anything the first time so I know it's not my personality he likes. Plus he left super early (and he sure as hell wasn't satisfied) the first time and seemed bummed about my dancing.

I start dancing for him again and about 10-15 minutes into it he asks what we can do differently this time. "uh, nothing really," I say. God, men never learn. This time he does finish out the vip instead of leaving early. When time is up he actually asks me how much it would cost to stay a bit longer. Then he checks his wallet and sees that he has no money left so he decides to leave. He leaves the room and doesn't even wait for me to put all of my outfit back on. Whatever, he is kind of weird and I'm just happy to be paid.

Near the end of the night I'm over by the front door flirting with the bouncer and my vip is walking out the door. He gives me a pat on the shoulder and says something to the effect of "good luck kid". I don't even know. What a weird job.

So I left not broke (I by no means banked, but I did make over $500 so all was not lost).

When I checked my phone last night I noticed that the ex had called. He's been texting me a bit lately and I've been completely ignoring him. It's funny how when I ignore him he wants to talk. I haven't seen him for nearly two months now and haven't talked with him nearly as long.

I think I've finally gotten bored of him.

Pretty pretty

Work went surprisingly well for me last night. I didn't drink (too much), I got a vip, and I did lots of very clean dances. I didn't make a ton of money, but I made enough.

I've lost some weight, so I think that may have something to do with it. I always feel a bit more confident when I'm skinnier. I've been taking this fatburner stuff, and while I'm skeptical about its fat burning ability, it does kill my appetite. In fact, it depletes me of my appetite so well that I've taken to smoking weed in order to make food appealing and tasty enough for me to eat it.

Actually I've been smoking a lot lately because I'm finally starting to appreciate my weed buzz.

The pill also gives me a weird but awesome buzz when combined with a bit of alcohol (it does say not to use alcohol while using it), which has upped my productivity at work.

I hung out with another stripper friend of mine on Friday. We went halloween costume shopping for work in the hippie district of my city. Then we went to the liquor store and rented Barbarella because I had never seen it. My friend got pretty trashed and was hitting on me so that was a bit awkward. She has a fiance so I don't know what's up with that.

It seems that most of my female friends try and sleep with me. I'm the least sexual person alive and no one seems to notice.

Haven't talked to the ex in ages. It's a good thing. I guess.

Anyways, the girl I hung out with is on alcohol restriction at work (she's more of an alcoholic than myself) so she's been in a bad mood at work lately due to her sobriety.

My first night in a clean club (ha)

Last night as my fellow strippers and I were about to leave the dressing room the house mom stops everyone and tells us she has two announcements.

First, the dressing room is being renovated (YAY) so get all your ho shit out of your locker.

Second, in an effort to clean up the club the rules concerning floor dances are going to be strictly adhered to. If a floor man sees your breaking the rules you'll be sent home.

Now, if you know anything about atlanta strip clubs you'll know that the law here dictates that all floor dances must be completed 6 inches away from the customer and no contact is allowed. This means; no grinding, two feet on the floor at all times, no leaning against a customers chest, no sitting on laps, no boobs in face shakes...etc. If you know anything about atlanta strip clubs you'd all know that these rules are generally disregarded.

It had gotten especially bad in my club as of late. You'd see girls grind for an entire song out on the floor. That's what VIP's for dammit.

So, after this announcement we all head out to the floor. At first you see no dances going on. Then I get summoned to do a dance. Only then did I realize how many rules I'd been breaking with my dances, and I'm a relatively clean dancer. Hmmm, going to have to incorporate some new moves into my dances.

As my friend and I look around we notice some girls haven't changed their ways at all. Do I see any girls sent home or even given a warning? NO. Basically I'm going to go ahead and bet that nothing changes.

While I'm proud of my club's half-assed attempt to clean itself up, I really wish they had started with more important issues like the girls who suck and fuck in the back or use to the club as a prostitute dating center.

I decided last night that I wanted to be a 'floor man' (bouncer). I took over the front door floor guy's post for a while. The club must have been really dead 'cause they didn't even tell me to quit hamming it up and pretty much let me be floor guy for a night.

At the end of the night I asked the manager how I could procure a floor guy position and he looked at me and laughed. Oh well.

Like it used to be

Tonight reminded me of the old days.

Made $600 with minimal effort, like I should.

I had one half-hour vip with another girl and two guys. They were young, and pretty cute. Especially mine. I generally date guys a bit older than myself because... I don't actually know why... but I have to admit that there's something about the younger guys that's appealing. They're so...healthy. And more innocent. Also, appreciative. You'd think the older guys would be more appreciative seeing as they're old and less physically attractive, but no. Old guys (at least the ones I date) take me for granted.

The rest of my money I made off working the floor. I was fairly drunk most of the night (as I said, like the old days) but managed to sober up in time to drive.

My last customer of the night was a wacko. He was fuuuuucked up on coke and just really out there. He would tip me on stage by arranging dollar bills in a very precise pattern on stage. He also kept talking about living in a tent and joining the army.

The ex tried to hang out with me this weekend but I was out of town. I think (know) I need to end it with him. I think I'm going to text him something along these lines next time he tries to hang out,

"I already told you I don't want to be one of your fuckbuddies and that seems to be exactly what you're after so I don't see a reason for us to hang out. Cheers."

Yes? No?

On developing a personality

Worked monday, tuesday, wednesday, and thursday of last week. Complete and utter shit, every. single. day.

Monday was sad. I don't even remember it very well. Left at 1:00 with just over $200. Was able to drive home.

Tuesday was...slightly better than monday. Old asian man came in but didn't spend as much as usual. Left at one with just under $300. Once I got home I decided to polish off a bottle of vodka because I was mad about work sucking. Then I decided to email both colorado guy [sorry :)] and the ex. I'm pretty sure I also attached a picture of my boobs to the email. Sometimes I swear I'm 16 years old.

Wednesday I got trashed. The beginning of the night held promise. I made tons of money on stage and everyone seemed to love me. Unfortunately I drank. A lot.

My night in drinks went something like this:

~Two shots at the bar, stage.

~Sitting with a customer, three more shots.

~Friends join me-share two vodka redbulls.

~Share a hennessy cranberry with a friend.

~Join up with friend who is celebrating her birthday and drink a shot of patron.

~Random table, one more shot of vodka.

~Table with cute black guy-one shot of patron.

~Back to the bar for one more vodka redbull shared.

~Drink total: 12

Very unable to drive home.

I also remember hitting on my manager and maybe the bouncers. Of course they had to make fun of me all night thursday for being a lush.

Me and the birthday girl ended up splitting a cab and she crashed at my place. She was trashed and arguing with her hood rat boyfriend over the phone all night. He beats the shit out of her pretty regularly.

Thursday I took it easy on the alcohol. Did maybe 2 shots all night. Left early with just over $200. Acted really out of it all night. I think people probably thought I was on something.

I was talking with the bouncer who's in love with me (wants to fuck me) and he basically told me that I have a shitty personality and that I was born tall and skinny and pretty and get by on my looks so I never had to develop a good personality. For the record mr. bouncer, I like my personality and think I'm hilarious so I don't know what you're talking about.

I barely made a grand last week and worked four nights! Four fucking nights. It's weeks like these that make me feel like this job isn't worth it. I just have to remind myself that I made over 3 grand in one night a few weeks ago and that's how this crazy job goes.

Annoyances

Work last night was...annoying. Really my whole day yesterday was annoying.

It started at 10:30 in the morning. Woken up by the ringing of my cell phone I answer groggily. It's a girl friend of mine who wants to discuss her man failures with me at 10:30 in the morning. Annoyance #1.

"why do these guys I sleep with want nothing to do with me other than to fuck me? It makes me feel like shit"

"Do you like them?"

"No, not really."

"Well, you can either sleep with them and just enjoy the sex and not feel bad about it or you can not sleep with them."

"I only sleep with them when I'm drunk."

"Don't drink so much..."

I'm not really one to give advice in this department, but it's loads easier to dole out advice than to follow it. Plus, this girl puts my drinking to shame. She gets blackout drunk every damn weekend. I drink a lot but rarely to the point of completely blacking out; just to the point of fuzzyish memories :(

Around 12:00 I gather up some motivation and make it out to the game. Of course we all drink for the two hours preceding the game so I'm fairly drunk by the time it starts. I then realize that it's sort of late and that I'm working that night so I start to walk back to the condo to get my car and drive home. I saw absolutely none of the game. Annoyance #2.

On my walk I'm approached by a man who starts to converse with me. Turns out he's a 29 year old grad student at my school and that's all I remember about him due to my prior alcohol intake. I'm pretty sure I gave him my number because I had a text of the friendly variety in my phone from an unknown number after work last night. He was pretty cute so maybe I'll hang out with him one of these days.

After I make it home I pass out. Fortunately I wake up just in time to prepare myself for a night of nudity. I'm still buzzed when I get to work, so in the spirit of saturday night I keep the buzz going with 3 or 4 vodka redbulls and some glasses of NUVO.

Being somewhat slow for a saturday night a friend and I decide to try a new style of hustle. We approach the customers and immediately sit on their laps. We angle ourselves so that our boobs are right in their faces and wiggle them a bit. Then we ask if they'd like to see us naked. This strategy was surprisingly effective and required little to no conversation. Score!

A regular of mine came in last night, but unfortunately he came in quite late and the vip rooms were booked for the rest of the evening. Instead of getting $400 out of him I only got $120. This was annoyance #3.

As the end of the night approached I went to the back to breathalyze and someone managed to not pass with a .098. WTF? I drank less than normal at work so I guess the drinking earlier in the day combined with the fact that I hadn't eaten any actual food that day caused me to fail. This was annoyance #4 as none of the girls who normally drive me home were there so I was forced to take a cab.

This means I was without my car most of the day today, until 7:00 when a work friend picked me up on her way to the club. I have no food in the house so I was starving all day and don't live within walking distance to any food. Annoyance #5.

I caved and texted the ex yesterday as I hadn't heard from him in a week. Got a response today that he was backpacking. Cool, I guess.

Pornography today.

Work last night was pretty easy.

The little asian came in and I sat with him until I chose I leave early at 1:00.

I've gotten into the (bad?) habit of refusing to dance for certain customers. Not customers that I know are dirty or obnoxious, just customers that I don't even know.
I get kind of annoyed when they ask, so I tell them that I'll be over in 5 minutes and then just never go back.

I suppose it's bad business practice and I'm missing out on money but there you have it.

I'm just frustrated with men as a whole right now. Not customers or boyfriends or one specific group of males, but all of them. I'm frustrated by how men talk about and view women.

I honestly feel like a lot of this stems from the porn that's so prevalent today. Seems like most porn today consists of nasty, degrading shit aimed towards the woman. It's not about sex that both partners enjoy, but brutalizing the woman. All that seems to be out there these days is shit like "nasty slut gets ripped apart in every hole.'

I mean seriously?

Is this what men want sex to be like? Is this the male fantasy? Clearly most porn is aimed towards men because let's face it, men are the main consumers of porn. So if this is what's popular is must be because this is what most men want to see.

Nearly all men look at porn, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Jacking off is natural and having materials to fuel that activity seems fine. It's just the content that's a bit disturbing. I feel like young (and not so young) boys see the porn of today and think that it's ok or normal. That women should be treated as nothing more than fuck holes and whether or not they enjoy it is irrelevant.

I wish men could see girls as something more than something for them to stick their dicks into and realize that they are people with feelings and desires and emotions.

Today it seems that sex isn't something you do with a woman, but something you do to a woman. This mentality disturbs me and causes me to resent men. Oh well.

A bit from the past

Work was...alcohol fueled tonight. Made over $500, so not too bad. Plus I'm in possession of my car.

I'm going to post the email I sent the ex after we decided to part ways (as roommates ;). Maybe this will give you some insght into our relationship...

I'm done with all the whiny pitiful bullshit. I think both you and I know that it's not really me. It really never had worked on you, and I have to say that I like that about you-but I'll get to that later.

I'm going to start from the beginning, well, sort of.

Back in October of 08 I was cruising around on Craigslist (it's an addiction, I swear) in the roommate section 'cause I was getting a little bored of living alone and I stumbled upon an ad that seemed familiar. Low and behold it was yours! You really shouldn't have put your name at the bottom, if you hadn't I might not have been so sure and probably would have never contacted you again, but hindsight is 20/20. Anyways, the contents of the ad led me to two conclusions; your current roommate had vacated and you probably weren't getting back together with Name Redacted (like no one saw that coming).

It was then and there that I decided I was going to try and get you to be my roommate. Why? Well, I was bored and it seemed like a nifty little challenge, plus you always kind of intrigued me. Anyways, I decided the best bet would be for me to contact you on your birthday because let's admit, who isn't flattered that someone whom they haven't talked to in a while has remembered their b-day. From that point on it was actually easier than I expected, I honestly didn't expect you to be so open to talking with me again.

Anyways, I started throwing out not so subtle hints about needing a roommate and all that jazz so that you could be the one to suggest it. I've noticed it's always best to let men think they're the ones' coming up with the ideas. That was it-mission accomplished. So yes, it was pretty 'dramatic' of me I suppose.

Now I really did like you as much as I can like anybody. Disregarding the fact that I think you're delusional and you believe all sorts of spiritual bullshit, I think there's an intelligent person underneath all that. I'm not sure if I care about you as a person, because I don't really understand what that means or how one knows those things. Maybe deep down I hoped that if I spent a little more time with you you'd come out and be like "joking! I'm not really a religious freak who latches onto every crackpot theory to make my life easier to cope with!!!" and I'd be able to really respect you as a human being. Oh well, clearly that's not going to happen.

I've always liked to push people's buttons. I used to do it with my father all the time. You aren't really that easy though...I've only seen you show anger towards me a handful of times, and you can bet I counted each of those times as a win for me. Immature? Yes. I liked the fact that you didn't buy into my 'pity me' crap (and I really did go pretty far with that, not really easy for me). It seems to work on most people I've encountered.

I don't think I really thought things out too well concerning our cohabitation (sorry for the large word, I know you hate those) because I sort of forgot about the whole actually living together part. I was really only concerned with the challenge of getting you to aagree (well, suggest) it.

I have to say I'm surprised at how possessive I got at the thought of you going out and fucking around with girls, that's not reall like me. I really have no desire to have sex with you (or anyone, for that matter); maybe it's just jealousy of your ability to have normal relationships. I remember getting pissed of when Name Redacted would do the same thing.

Anyways, I'm not making myself out to be some diabolical genius or anything, though I've always had a bit of a superiority complex.

As far as the apartment is concerned, I'm sure I'll be able to get a roommate by the 1st of September-not that I was kicking you out or anything, it's just that the whole thing wasn't as fun as I had imagined. Even if I can't, you not paying for your seven days, while dickish on your part considering you are choosing to leave early, is fine. It's not as if I'm broke.

Well, clearly there's no need for a response on your part. The whole thing could have actually been pages longer, but I figured you'd be getting bored by now, so I might as well chop it off.

No hard feelings!

So, there you have it. That email is from August 2009, after we decided we shouldn't be roommates.

And then there were none

So the other day I informed sugar daddy that I do not wish to continue this relationship.

He wanted to know if it was because he texted me too much (admittedly this was an issue; he would sometimes send me upwards of 30 texts a day. He did pay my phone bill for me, though), and I told him that wasn't the issue.

I told him I just didn't feel comfortable with the situation, and did not wish it to progress, especially sexually. He then pulled the whole "I hope we can still hang out as friends, blah blah blah..." crap.

"I really think it's best we just go our separate ways,"

and that was that. He's only sent me 2 texts since then, so I think the message got through. He also said I should keep the necklace, so yay!

Work on Thursday was fine, as was Saturday. Someone 'made it rain' on me when I was on stage on Thursday with over $100 in ones! That was probably the highlight of my night, especially since I was dancing to Skidrow.

I haven't been drinking at work lately, I mean nothing. Not even one shot. I have been downing crazy amounts of sugar free redbull, which is probably worse for me than vodka.

Come to think of it, I haven't had a drink since last Wednesday, when I hung out with sugar daddy. I'm not even committed to being an alcoholic.

The ex sent me an email last week (Thursday to be precise) telling me about an interview he had with a company (which happens to be located near where I live) and suggesting that we do lunch.

I wrote back that I was happy that the company seemed to like him and that my free days were Tuesday and Thursday. I also mentioned that I'm thinking about moving again soon because I'm starting to feel bored. I sent this email Friday morning.

So far no response...I made sure to keep the email as inoffensive as possible so I don't know what happened. I know sometimes he thinks it's clever to wait a few days to respond to my emails/texts for whatever reason (I think he's trying to convince me of how busy and fulfilling his life is), but I couldn't care less.

Now that I think about it, the whole idea of 'let's do lunch' seems kind of dumb. It's not like we're old friends who need to catch up or business partners discussing a new deal.

What- are we going to talk about how our relationship continues to be dysfunctional and how we may or may not communicate for the next 3 months. Maybe we'll discuss the reasons for continuing communication even though it's proven futile over the past 3 years in forming anything other than drama and confusion.

Yeah, now that I think it over I'm going to have to cancel on lunch...if he ever replies back that is.

Working tonight, hoping for big money.

A hooker by any other name...

So I'm kind of an escort now. I mean, not officially, but yeah.

Last night I hung out with the sugar daddy. I think he's under the impression that we're dating, but I see it as a simple business transaction. Well, not all that simple.

He bought me a necklace from tiffany's. It's nice.

In spite of all the gifts and money I've received I don't think I'm going to be able to carry this on much longer. There's too much bullshit. I like my work because I go in, dance, make money and leave. I don't have to deal with my customers 24/7. If I were to go into escorting seriously it would have to be the same way. I can't deal with faking being someone's girlfriend.

I can fake sexual enjoyment for a little while. I can fake a good time for a little while. I can fake interest for a little while. I can only do these things for money. I cannot do this on a long term basis for any amount of money (well, maybe for an astronomically high amount and lots of mind-numbing drugs).

I cringe (on the inside) every time he touches me. Making out with him is revolting. He's not fat or ugly. His personality is a bit...clingy and over the top 'gentlemanly', but not horrible. There's just nothing there. No chemistry, no attraction. I'm fairly asexual to begin with and being sexual with someone I actually like is still a chore-this is tortuous.

I left without having sex with him last night. We were in his hotel room, a very nice hotel room might I add, and I just felt...weird. Not bad or ashamed or gross, almost stoic.

He tried, oh did he try. He played the 'just let me give you a massage' card. Men, we know this game. It's not some crafty play that us women aren't on to. We know that massage leads to groping leads to sex 95% of the time. I make a point to never allow massages to turn into sex for this very reason- out of spite!

Anyways, I guess I'll just tell him straight up that this situation isn't going to work for me. Luckily he doesn't live here so it shouldn't be too much of a hassle. I'll offer to give him back the jewelry as well :(

On another note, I've decided that I am in fact asexual and I will no longer engage in sex because it's expected of me or because it's the only way I can maintain a relationship with most normal men. If I happen to meet a guy who's asexual then awesome. If not, awesome too. I'm tired of feeling used and grossed out because I have sex even though the desire isn't there.

Off to work to hopefully make $3,000!

The life of a schoolgirl

Hanging out with the sugar daddy tomorrow. He got me something from Tiffany's!

He annoys me quite a bit, but I'm so thankful for the fact that he doesn't even live in the state. I guess I'll make out with him a bit tomorrow. Definitely not sleeping with him yet. He wants to take me to Italy; too bad I have school every damn day.

Work was decent last night as was Saturday. Nothing close to a $3,000 night, but hey, they can't all be like that (oh how I wish they could, though).

I bought a new outfit yesterday. It's a schoolgirl outfit. Normally I'm not into the cheesy costume-y outfits, but I figured I'd give it a try. It actually went over really well. I think I want to buy one more outfit-maybe something for halloween.

I texted the ex while I was at work last night. Didn't expect him to respond 'cause it was pretty late but he did. Right away. Happened like that a few weeks ago too, except it was like 5 in the morning. He doesn't seem to be getting much sleep lately, wonder why. Anyways I told him about my new outfit (and may have sent him a picture. Hey, I was drunk), and I guess he didn't realize that I was at work because he responded with,

"hot, come over."

I told him to come pick me up (knowing he wouldn't, just wanted to check), and he told me to call him. Having nothing better to do I called him and right as he answers the dj calls me to stage.

"Hey, I just got called to stage, I gotta go."

"You're at work?!?"

"Yeah, I'm always at work."

"WTF?"

Haha, he thought I was trying to booty call him. He should know me better than that. I have to say, it gives me some sort of sick pleasure to know that he, a)wasn't with a girl at the time and b)isn't dating anyone seriously enough to not want to sleep with me.

My best friend finally broke it off with her boy. YAY!!! Now we can go out and cause trouble like we used to!

My sugar daddy is bringing me some party favors (ahem) tomorrow, so it's going to be a fun weekend.

Off to do about 4 hours of painstakingly long and thorough homework involving many a proof. If anyone cares to show why y=β0+β1x+u where E(u)≠0 and α=E(u)can always be written with the same slope, but with a new intercept and error, where the new error has a zero expected value feel free! Don't forget to include what would happen if E(u)=α1x.

We can dance!

I made over $3,000 at work Thursday night, all in about 45 minutes.

Obscenely wealthy people are insane.

The guy from whom I acquired my wealth dropped 30 grand in about an hour. $30,000. That's a year's salary for a lot of people.

It's surreal having a guy just hand you a hundred dollar bill every few minutes for no reason. It makes the money seem...fake or something. Too bad I had to tip out $900 or I would have went home with $4000.

I'm glad I chose not to leave early that night; especially after my first vip's credit card got declined ($400), and my second vip kept asking me to 'just touch the tip' for an extra $100. What a crazy world I live in.

On another note, the 30 grand guy made the dj play safety dance on loop for about 30 minutes. I never want to hear that horrible 80s song again.

Even so, I'm still going in tonight as planned. My friends think I'm crazy and should take the rest of the week off but they don't understand. It's a sickness. A compulsion. I could make $10,000 at work in a night and I'd still want to go back and work my usual shifts. Anyways, if I make $500 or more tonight then I'll have made $4000 this week working only 3 shifts. Awww yeah.

The ex texted me the other morning. Of course the number just showed up as a number since I deleted him from my contacts list but I still knew who it was. I don't understand what his problem is.

Well, I see a lot of new clothes and a new laptop in my future.

I remember

I'm starting to realize that I may in fact have an alcohol problem. I hesitate to call it a problem per se because I don't actually have a problem with the fact that I drink a lot. An alcohol addiction, perhaps.

I just don't care. I sit there, vodka bottle in hand, and realize that I don't care. I don't care about school, my health, my friends, my future. I cannot bring myself to care. I want to, trust me. I see people, ambitious driven people, and I long to be like that, but I'm not.

I do fine. I function. I realize that my life could be worse. I realize that I generally get what I want. I think I may enjoy being miserable. Not miserable, really; apathetic I guess.

I knew how I was when I lived alone last time. How I spiraled into a mess fairly quickly. Yet I chose to do it again.

I remember sitting on my bathroom floor with a drink in my hands crying.

I remember waking up at 4 in the afternoon with the realization that I hadn't eaten in 4 days.

I remember chopping up oxy pills on the counter; hors d'oeuvres to my alcoholic beverage of choice. The xanax bars, the sleeping pills, the cocaine.

I remember going through the contacts list on my phone trying to decide whether I wanted to call anyone; feeling heartbroken realizing that the people I wanted to talk to most wanted nothing to do with me.

I remember going to work like a zombie. Pale with bones jutting out, perfectly straight hair and impeccable makeup.

I remember customers telling me not to lose any more weight.

I remember other customers fawning over my body, asking me how I stayed in such 'good' shape.

I remember not caring then, too.

Runaway money.

I'm supposed to be out shopping but I'm feeling lazy so I decided to have a few shots and write an entry first.

Wednesday night was...interesting.

I sat around for about the first hour and half as usual. Drank 3 sugar free redbulls (my newest vice) and talked with the other strippers. Then I sat at a hightop with a group of guys who seemed to have money. They bought me some shots and got some dances. They also had the bright idea of trying to get as many girls as possible dancing on the table at once. We had five girls up there at one point, and the tables aren't that big. No one could really do anything other than wiggle back and forth. Table dances do please me though because they cost $20 a dance instead of the usual $10.

Little old asian man was also in. He didn't spend that much money, I think I may have gotten ~$150 from him.

Last but certainly not least was retard asshole. Retard asshole grabbed me as I was walking to the back and asked if I did dances.

"uh, yeah. Do you want one?"

"I want a few, let's find a chair"

So we go sit at an abandoned table and I do a dance. When the song is over I ask if he wants another one and he says yeah, he wants a lot. After a few more I ask if he can go ahead and pay me for the ones I've done. He says that he only has a three hundred dollar bills so he'll pay me after the first ten. Now I should have told him to pay me then and I'd get him change but I didn't. It's not too unusual that guys come in with only hundreds so I figured I'd just do the rest.

I'm about 8 dances through when I get called on stage. I tell the customer that I'm going to stage and that he better not leave while I'm up there. I also notify the bouncer to keep an eye on him just to be safe.

After my stage set I go back and do my last two dances. At this point I'm exhausted. My knees hurt like hell, I'm starting to get sweaty and I feel kind of light headed due to not much food and a lot of red bull.

"ok, time for you to pay."

"uh, I have to go to the bathroom first"

"No, you need to pay me now or I'll have to get the bouncer."

"I actually don't have the money on me, it's in my car. Let me go get it."

"...Hahahahahaha. No. You need to either pay me now or go to the atm and get money out to pay me with."

"I don't have any money on my debit card. I need to go to my car. I promise I'll be back with your money."

At this point I know that I'm not getting my money and I'm pissed. I do the next best thing (to getting my cash) and tell one of the bouncers,

"This guy says he needs to get money out of his car to pay me with. Can you accompany him to his vehicle?"

This basically means that the guy is skipping out on me and I'd like you to go outside and rough him up a bit.

I tip the bouncers quite well so that when a situation arises they are willing to do these sorts of things for me.

They both go outside and I go to the bar where a regular of mine is sitting. I tell him about the situation and he can tell I'm pretty upset. About 20 minutes go by and there's no sign of the bouncer or the asshole retard. My customer (who is well known by club staff), goes outside to check on things. Both him and the bouncer return sans asshole retard or my money. Then my regular goes to the atm and gets out $100 and gives it to me. He tells me that the bouncer and the valet beat the guy up a bit and he actually had to get them to calm down.

At least I got my money in the end even if not from the right person.

I swear to god if I ever see that guy again I'm going to murder him.

Drama and all I still made over $500, even though I'm pretty sure my blood pressure suffered a bit.

The price of love

I went to dinner with a potential sugar daddy last night. So far he's shown the most promise (see: buys me the most stuff) of all the guys I've tried.

We went to a nice restaurant and ate sushi and lobster. Drank some wine that was $18 a glass. The bill came to $187.00. He bought me some nice perfume, a very nice dress, and a bottle of stoli o. He did keep trying to kiss me, but I was mostly successful at avoiding his advances.

His personality is not so offensive that I want to kill myself every time he talks and he isn't fat or hideous. Obviously this is somewhat important seeing as I'd have to sleep with him at some point.

Another bonus is that he doesn't even live here. He travels down here for work every other week or so. This means I wouldn't have to devote too much time to him.

Is it worth it?

At this point I don't care anymore. I'm through with the ex. I have an extremely hard time meeting guys who I have any sort of attraction to. I'm over the whole notion of love or relationships that don't involve some sort of clear exchange of goods and or services. I'm completely unstable emotionally.

We'll see how this pans out.

I texted the ex last night while potential sugar daddy was in the bathroom. No response. Of course this pissed me off because I assumed he was probably out with another girl. Got a text from him at 8:00 this morning saying that he left his phone in the car. Right.

I finally told him that I was unhappy with the situation and his reponse...'It's your own responsibility to make yourself happy.' I fucking know this so I told him that we shouldn't hang out anymore. He wrote back about how I finally "get it" feigning excitement for my new found enlightenment. Fuck him and his stupid games.

Off to class I go.

Ultimatum

Ugh. I just made the mistake of looking at the ex's facebook profile. I don't even have a facebook, but I can log onto my friend's to look at all our partying pictures.

Of course he has some album up with pictures of him with some really ugly chick he looked to be dating. The album was 4 months old, but still. She was gross. Another reason for me to feel shitty about myself.

We had a really good time in Biloxi. That would have been a good place to go as a more single girl, though. I got hit on a ton even with the ex in tow. Might have to plan a trip with some girl friends of mine.

At one point we both walked up to a craps table and he started talking to someone. This gave the guy next to me opportunity to move in and start flirting/conversing with me. All of a sudden the ex did something he never does-turned around, put his arm around me and introduced himself to the guy who was talking to me.

I sound like a complete nutcase analyzing this but hey, I'm a girl and this is what we do.

The ex did pay for the whole trip (besides my gambling fund), even meals, which is really odd for him. I did offer to pitch in and he said he was taking care of it. This makes me insanely happy for reasons that have nothing to do with the actual money.

Anyways, I decided that next time the ex contacts me to hang out I'm just going to grow some balls and tell him we either need to be exclusive or I'm out. My exact words-"Hey, I like hanging out with you but I can't do this casual hooking up thing anymore. It's either exclusive hooking up or nothing."

Work was alright last night. I had a customer come in and he gave me two gift cards(victoria's secret for $100, and a hair/nail salon for $75), and a bunch of money! Yay. Unfortunately these sorts of customers are very high maintenance and he will start to annoy me about hanging out outside the club shortly. Good thing they're somewhat disposable.

Time to go to class, go tan, and then get my nails done!

Abort abort!

Well last night was my best night this week and I didn't even hit $500. It's almost as if the universe knows I'm going gambling and doesn't want me to have money to burn.

I haven't been drinking at work (much) lately. I'm trying to lose 7 more lbs. I do wish I had some coke, though. I was talking to another stripper at the party I went to on Labor Day and we both agreed that we make a lot more money when we do a bit of coke at work.

It seems that all my regulars come in on the same night which makes it hard. I then have to make the decision of who to sit with and I'm always afraid I chose the wrong person.

On Tuesday someone came to the club in their helicopter. A fucking helicopter just parked on the lawn outside the club. WTF? You think if you're that rich you could just order the strippers to come to your place like delivery pizza or some shit. The manager said it was Ted Turner's cousin or something.

So I might be pregnant. I'm 2 weeks late and I just have a bad feeling about this. Do you think it would be better to tell the father of the kid or just get an abortion without letting the sperm donor know? I'm leaning towards not telling him. I mean, what you don't know can't hurt you. I have no idea how the ex would even react...I'm taking a pregnancy test when I get back from vacation this weekend so we'll see.

On relating to others

Well last night was a bit of a waste. Good thing it was sort of an extra day for me since I don't normally work Tuesdays.

I think there may have been 7 customers total last night. The bouncer had the audacity to tell me that he warned me not to work the Tuesday after Labor Day, but he forgot to take into account that he probably told me this whilst drunk and therefore I was unable to retain this information.

In spite of the fact that I made <200 last night I still went out today and spent $55 on a new tanning membership, $26 on some stoli vodka, and $14 on nail polish. I notice that I tend to spend more on the days after I make no money at work than visa versa. Shopping therapy or something.

So the ex and I are going out of town this weekend. This promises to be interesting. Last night I was sitting with some customers of mine and one of them asked me if I had ever been to Biloxi. I excitedly responded that I was infact going there this weekend. Turns out he is too, and we're staying at the same hotel. Pretty funny. I decided to tell the ex about this just to see what his reaction would be. My email went something like this:

"hey, I was at work last night and found out that a few of my customers are going to be in biloxi this weekend and they're staying at the same hotel as us! Now we have people to hang out with!"

I was honestly hoping this would bother him a bit, but he just chose to completely ignore the whole situation in his email back to me (there were other points in my email about more logisitical things such as when we were leaving and what to pack). What does this mean in man language? Is he annoyed and illustrating that by ignoring the issue?

I remember when I lived with him I was constantly trying to get a rise out of him. He's pretty stoic usually when it comes to arguing. There was one time where he got sort of mad and yelled at me to 'shut the fuck up for two seconds.' That was probably the most emotion I'd ever seen him show. Then later that night he tried to have sex with me.

I think part of my issue is that I fail to see other people as my equals. I tend to view myself as a unique and more clever organism and therefore cannot relate to others in a sincere fashion. I fail to realize that most other people probably have the same feelings and thoughts running through their brains at all times as I do when dealing with them. This causes me to get my feelings hurt but not care or recognize when I may be doing the same to others. I have no idea how to drill this concept into my head so that it's present when I'm interacting with others. Until I'm able to do so I think all my relationships with other people will be dysfunctional.

cos(stripper skill)

Man tonight was a piece of shit disappointment. I was hoping it'd be good 'cause I worked labor day weekend last year and made over $500 all 3 nights I worked but that was not the case this year.

Meth guy was in tonight (the guy who I did meth with last valentine's day) and I danced for him but refused his drugs. This is odd because normally I don't say no to free drugs (wasn't meth this time, he had molly and tabs) but I decided to exercise some willpower on this fine evening.

We were up in room 7 with two other strippers and two other customers. One of the customers was a female that I swear looked like a tranny. Then she took off all her clothes and danced for meth guy. It was awkward and I kept trying to see if she had any sign of a penis. I always feel girls who are have her sort of shape. Absolutely no hips and no ass and very little body fat. So unfeminine.

Then I danced for this guy who was wearing the thinnest basketball shorts ever with no underwear so I could feel his tiny sharpie dick on my butt for much of the dance. Seriously guys who do this are pathetic and we're pretty much always laughing at your mini penis to ourselves. We even make fun of it in the dressing room with the other girls.

I think I'm becoming a shittier stripper as time goes on. My skill level as a stripper is somewhat parabolic in nature. Start out crappy, a year or so in hit your peak and then it's down hill from there. Maybe it will end up as a trigonometric function, and there will be multiple peaks and valleys.

I've been obsessed with bell peppers lately. I bought 5 this morning and have eaten three of them already. I always crave the weirdest shit. Always vegetables.

The ex texted me last night at 3:30 am. He asked what I was doing...and told me that he's going to tennessee to climb and coming back monday evening. Sort of odd for him. I think I sent him a few drunken text messages on Friday night but I compulsively delete all my incoming and outgoing texts after I get/send them so I don't know.

I do know that a friend of mine sent him a message on facebook telling him he needs to 'treat me like a princess' and a bunch of other shit. I swear I'm not 14 years old.

Chameleon

I just blew a .17 and had no idea. I've been drinking sooooo much lately...It's pathetic.

I did alright tonight, a little over 500...meh.

There's this 'documentary' on hulu called 'the strip game' that I watched today. It's pretty good. A fairly accurate portrayal of the industry. It focuses mainly on black clubs, but the sentiments are the same. Plus they have a section about atlanta!

The ex texted me today. I'm going to try and get him to take me to my car tomorrow...under the guise of lunch or someting. We'll see.

The guy with a kid keeps trying to get me to go out with him again. The problem with dating is that i know what the guy I'm with wants/expects and I can tailor myself to that, so I do. I don't know why. Amusement maybe. I always drop them before anything serious happens.

Thank you for sharing!!!

This week has been incredibly fucking busy. I'll start with work.

Worked Wednesday night. It was the worst night (money-wise) I've had in a while. I left with under $100. I did get to leave at 1:00 because of school so I didn't have to waste any more time in that god forsaken place.

Last night (saturday) was pretty decent, if not a bit awkward. Little asian man came in. Now he often comes in with girls from the club (they are his dates) and that can cause drama. Especially since this girl, ashley, has returned. She worked at the club when I first started. I remember her because she was one of the prettier girls but a lot (a fucking ton) of drama. She ended up on a lot of shit lists and did a lot of questionable things. She left when she became pregnant with her second child (she's 22) and just returned a few weeks ago. She was only working on Saturdays (when little asian comes in) and this made a lot of girls angry. Well she came in the little asian last night along with another girl, Autumn, who I don't know all that well. Apparently ashley thought that autumn was talking shit about her behind her back and there was this huge drama fest with tears and yelling and all that jazz. I just sat there an observed. It was slightly annoying because the ordeal was fucking up my money a bit and making little asian uncomfortable. Apparently ashley got fired last week as well, so that made things worse.

I did stray from the table for a second to say hey to another customer of mine that was in and it was disappointing. I did two dances for him and while I was over there they call another girl over. This girl is dirty as fuck and everyone knows it. She will actually have sex with guys in vip. So the customer she's dancing for asks my customer is she's a good vip (he was a first-timer, apparently), and my customer responds "oh yeah, she's a good one to take to vip" She wasn't present for this exchange (bathroom or something) and it just made me feel grossed out. Is that what guys really want?

Ok, some non-work stuff.

Had my date on Tuesday with the father. It went well but there was no chemistry. We did make out, but I have a tendency to make out with people that pass on the street, it's no biggie to me. He called me the next day and wants to hang out again. It's a tough position for me because he's good friends with my friend's fiancee so I don't want to blow him off but I also don't want to lead him on. Why can't I just be attracted to more people?

I hung out with the ex on thursday night. We went roller-skating which was funny.

On Friday I hung out with friends and it was crazy as usual. I think I might have broken, sprained or jammed my thumb punching someone. I didn't really feel it at the time because I was trashed, but I woke up the next morning and I could move it or pick stuff up. It's fairly swollen still, I guess I'll wait it out.

I also sent the ex a really horrible albeit hilarious email Friday night/Sat morning. I not only sent it to him, but to a bunch of his friends/family. See, he sent me and a bunch of other people an email on Friday about stupid new age crap like he often does. Now, I've learned to just roll my eyes and ignore these emails because that's the easiest thing to do. So I did just that. Well, I get home from partying on Friday and notice another email in my inbox from one of the people he sent the original email to. It's more fucking bullshit and at this point I'm just annoyed so I decide to have some fun. I write back an email mocking all of the crap they're talking about and calling out the ex at the same time. I send this email to everyone he sent the original email to (family members included). I'm pretty sure they all think I'm crazy now, but I had to do it for the lulz. Here's a copy of the email that set me off and my response. I didn't include the ex's original email because I'm embarassed to be involved with such a retard.

Here's the girl's email:

Wow! Thank you for sharing, stupid ex.

I admire you for being on a journey about who you are in the world.

I also admire your openness to sharing your breakthroughs with friends.

I admire that you’re thoughtful, pensive and that you get what you’ve gotten so far.

If you ever want to consider expanding the conversation you’re having or shortening your discovery to 3 and ½ days from a couple of years, I would love to have you register for The Landmark Forum. There is an Introduction to The Landmark Forum and it is 3- hours and it is all about creating a new possibility in an area of your life. (Even if you don’t register, you still get something.) There is are two introductions this week on Tuesday (8/31) and one on Wednesday (9/1), both at 7pm. I would love for you to be my guest! You and any of your friends are welcome – just let me know. I mean many of us piddle away 3-hrs without even thinking about it, I always ask my guests, “Why not give yourself 3-hours for your life?” and “What’s an area of life you’d like a breakthrough in?”

What I got from The Landmark Forum was the ability to give up past resentments and regrets, peace-of-mind and more love and affinity with people I care about. I am able to put the past, in the past which gives me a wide-open future to create. Plus –I got a set of “tools” that showed me how to apply what I got to every area of my life. Transformation isn’t sustaining on its own.

It really can’t hurt to just come see, right?

It isn’t a belief system, it’s all just conversation. And, I hope you’re okay with my response. You know I think you’re the “bees-knees”!!

Give me a call if you’re interested this week or any other time.

What if everyone experienced a HAPPY day on the same day??!!! That would be so cool!!

peas & lub,

-retard

Pretty fucking stupid, right?

Here's my response:

Amazing!

This is so enlightening. All this time I thought life was just some bullshit coincidence that occurred as a result of some cells colliding but now I see it's so much more!!!

I admire the fact that you're able to disregard all logic and reason and grasp at abstract and convoluted concepts in order to justify your existence and behavior in this fucked up world of ours.

I would try and have you register for some dumb-fuck course or website but I don't have anything to offer!!! OMG that's so great though, I wish I did!

I mean, sure we've been fucking for the past few months or so, but what the hell does that mean anyway? I'm sure you've been fucking half the people on this stupid fucking contacts list!

I don't have any websites or churches or cults to recommend to you, but I know that I have a lot of answers to a lot of questions! Granted I'm just a blob of cells and I don't know jack shit but I think that you're the 'wasps articulatio genus', and that means a lot to me!

Well I'm really pleased we could connect in such a way, I feel very privileged and honored to be on such a presitgious contacts list...hopefully you'll subscirbe to my newsletter or whatever...and by subscribe to my newsletter I mean place your penis in my vagina! Which you've done already, so that means you're a preferred customer. Discount for you!

-Cheers and positive vibrations if you know what I mean...eh? ;)

Wholly and totally inappropriate but I just don't care anymore.

Cheers.

A good night...

I did so much fucking cocaine tonight. I feel jittery and nauseous as hell, so it wasn't even good coke.

I made some money though. Good money. Well, good considering how it's been lately. Two years ago this would have been an average/decent night but now it's fucking great.

My first vip was disturbing. It was me, another girl, and a somewhat regular. Not a regular I go to vip with, but he gives me money and buys me drinks. He was nasty, she was nasty and I was freaked out. She actually let him go down on her. Ugh.

My second vip was this coked up mother fucker. He cracked me up. He was getting upset 'cause his dick wasn't getting hard and I was like "dude, you just snorted half of columbia's wealth in cocaine, your dick ain't getting hard anytime soon."

Then another regular of mine came in, scarface asian, and gave me $150 for a few dances. Nice.

I have class tomorrow which sucks 'cause I'm not getting any sleep :(.

Strip club constants

So I worked a million days this week. We have last sat, sun, mon, wed, fri, and tonight. I feel like I live at the goddamn club.

Tonight my little asian came in so I just sat with him all night. I love not having to deal with customers. Customers would come up to me and ask me for dances and I was like "uh, later" but never went. There was a new girl that hung at out table tonight. Super cute.

I was thinking about strip clubs and some things they all have in common. Here's what I came up with:

20% of the girls sell drugs. I don't know if people realize how many girls sell or have sold shit on the side but yeah, it's pretty fucking common.

The male staff will try and sleep with you. I think a lot of people think that after working in a strip club for a while the male employees couldn't care less about the abundance of naked chicks prancing around. False. Men are fucking horny bastards and will try and sleep with every dancer in the club (well, most). Once they realize you aren't down with that they usually give up.

Most of the girls aren't in college. I'd say about 30% do the college thing but about 70% say they're doing the college thing. I did even when I wasn't in school. It's what the men want to hear.

There's drama. Not really a huge surprise; wherever you have this many fucked up girls there's going to be a lot of shit going down all the time. Customers ask about how all the girls get along and we always say "there's not drama, all the girls are really cool and chill here," but that's a lie. Everyone talks shit and gossips about everyone else and there are numerous fights in the dressing room every week.

On another note, I have a date this Tuesday with a 36 year old divorcee with a 6 year old child. What the fuck? It's funny 'cause the other day I was in my car thinking about how old I'm getting and I starting asking myself if I wanted kids. I decided that I should try and date a guy with a kid to see if I liked the whole kid thing and voila-two days later I have a date with a father.

No Stoli O

Work last night was kind of shitty. I think I may skip the concert tonight and go to the club instead :(

I've been experiencing some sort of work guilt lately. I want to go in every night out of fear of missing good customers if I don't. Turns out Tuesday (the night I bailed on) there was a good customer of mine in and I'm kicking myself for skipping. I don't want to become one of those people obsessed with work but it's beginning to be that way. I guess when school starts I'll chill out a bit.

Some girl (the one who occasionally gives me free coke) let me use her black light nail polish at work last night and it is freaking awesome. I was admiring my nails all night. I found out she does a lot of meth which makes me sad. She sells a lot and always seems to be in a good mood and now I understand why. I wish meth weren't so bad for you because it really is so freaking awesome.

The club was out of stoli o last night because they forgot to order it or something. Since that's what I always drink I had to switch it up. Well, I made the mistake of switching it up to jager. Yuck. I did about 7 jager bombs and felt gross. I also blew too high so my friend drove me home.

The Ex and I aren't talking at the moment. It was inevitable, really. I constantly feel like he's punishing me for how I was to him [3 years ago]. He can be such a prick and last Friday I think I said some pretty mean stuff to him. I was drunk (of course), but I remember saying something about how I can see why his ex married some other guy instead of him...ouch.

Needless to say I haven't heard from him since that gem and I haven't bothered making contact. I would apologize but I don't even remember what I said. It kind of sucks because he invited me to go to vegas with him this October and I really wanted to go. We'll see.

I think if I work tonight I'll buy myself a new outfit as a reward.

3 years ago

I skipped out on work tonight. My week was supposed to be sat, sun, mon, tues, wed, sat...etc but now I'll have to work tomorrow and Friday night.

I'm going to a work friend's fiance's concert at this really seedy dive bar on Thursday evening which will be fun.

I decided not to completely waste the evening and get some tanning done in lieu of work. I also ordered over $50 worth of nail polish and accessories online so that's exciting.

I got my hair done today and I was talking to my stylist about my life and realized that I haven't done anything noteworthy over the past three years. Pretty much my biggest accomplishment is that thousands of people have seen me naked.

My attitude has changed a lot in these past years, though.

Below is a excerpt from an email I wrote to my mother after she found out I was working as a stripper. I was so naive then...

I know you've never worked as a stripper, or even set foot in a strip club, but it really is an interesting environment, and I think if you were to ever enter such an establishment, especially as a worker, you'd be surprised. It's not just full of lecherous old men looking at naked women. If you think about it, they can do that at home on their computers for free (and a lot do). I think a large part of it is about the temporary companionship. I can't tell you how many guys I actually took the time to have legitimate conversation with (as opposed to just asking for dances) told me they appreciated the fact that I am able to hold a decent conversation. In the few weeks I've worked thus far I've had more interesting conversations about everything from politics to religion to quantum physics (yup), than I'd had up to that point in my entire life. In life it's rare to just go up to strangers and start conversation with them, but in the strip club environment it's perfectly acceptable. Not to mention you're being paid to converse

I don't think so little of myself, and the job really has had no bearing on my self-esteem. Besides the fact that I love feeling self-sufficient. To be honest, success in this job has less to do with looks, and more to do with sales skills. Some of the top-earners are definitely not 'lookers', but they can hustle like no body's business. A lot of the rest of that paragraph is simply your opinion, so I can't really refute it. And trust me, I take everything told to me there by customers with a grain of salt. I know men can't think clearly, especially when surrounded by half-naked women.

Yes, there are drugs. Yes, a lot of the girls abuse controlled substances (mostly alcohol). I have no interest in the drugs or alcohol. Even if I were able to drink at work, I wouldn't. I see too many girls at the end of the night absolutely trashed in the dressing room, and I know it hurts their money. A lot of the girls claim to need to drink before they can get of stage, well I don't have that problem. There is really no way I could get in trouble by the law unless drugs were found on me, which is not going to happen. If anything this job is more of an anti-drug, seeing all the shit that the other dancers go through.

Ha ha ha. How cute was I? If I had only known.

False vips

I'm pretty fucking drunk right now.

Had two decent nights at work in a row. Unfotunately tonight I blew a .19 so I had the driver drive me home. I want to be skinny but I had too many shots of vodka so fuck that shit.

I did have an hour vip tonight...

First the waitress recommended that I go to the high top in the corner. So I did. They were your typical just divorced mid-forties obnoxious men; enjoying their freedom and all that. The guy I was talking to was starting up an escort agency (again) and trying to get me to be the 'head girl'. I told him I wasn't interested in recruiting girls and being a pimp at this point in my life. He did give me about $100 but they didn't want to do vip and were getting a little to drunk to deal with.

Actually he did agree to vip but as I'm sitting back there waiting for him to get out of the bathroom the waitress comes in and tells me he's changed his mind. I did what any decent stripper would do and abandoned ship.

The waitress then recommended I go to some guys sitting by the wall. Yes ma'am. I had a better feeling about these guys. They were young-mid to late twenties-but I coiuld tell they had money. Originally I sat with a guy in a teal shirt and he asked about vip. I could tell he was slightly disappointed in my description and I was called to stage so I told him I'd come back in a little while.

While I was on stage another dancer comes up to me and tells me one of the guys she's sitting with wants to do a vip with me and that she'll put my name on the list. Yay.

I get off stage and go sit with instant vip guy. He doesn't really know what I'm talking about when I ask if he's ready for vip and it's a no go. At this point I'm getting upset because the night is sucking.

I decide to go back to the rich young guys and sit with a different one.

Side note: right after I get on stage teal shirt young guy gets accosted by a girl who's notoriously dirty and goes to vip with her after about 1 minute of conversation.

The guy I'm sitting with is 27 and fairly attractive. We talk a bit and at this point I'm pretty smashed. We order tequila shots and a makers and coke. Then he says we should spend the rest of the night in vip and we do. Unfortunately at this point the rest of the night is only an hour but he gave me $400 for the hour on card (boo!) and $100 cash tip (yay!). We also ordered more shots in vip. He's pretty decent even though he tried really hard to get me to hang out at his hotel after work. No no and no.

I tipped the waitress and everyone else well because I'm a generous drunk. I think I gave the driver $30 on a $10 ride.

At the end of the night I knew I was far too drunk to drive (.19 bac) so the driver drove me home and now I have a slight hangover and no car.

At least I made over $500 the last two nights I've worked which wouldn't have been a big deal a year ago but is now.

Work sucks

Worked Tuesday and Wednesday night. Both sucked. I feel like that sums up all my nights for the past month.

Tuesday I had one vip early in the night. The guy was alright. He wanted to talk about some really raunchy shit, which two years ago would have made me really uncomfortable but now I don't give a fuck. I'll talk like a fucking pornstar if you pay me.

I also had a regular in but he's one that attracts a million girls and if I leave for a second there's some other bitch in his lap. I only got about $100 from him.

I blew a .18 fairly early in the night and still made it down to a .05 by 3:30. Yes!

Wednesday night was even more dire than Tuesday. We had all the girls from Tuesday 'cause no one made money and then a bunch of other girls that normally work Wednesday. I wasted about 1.5 hours with this obnoxious drunk asshole and only got like $50 out of him. I was pretty pissy all night so I just pouted around and flirted with the bouncer. My friend got an hour and a half vip and was trashed when she came out so I knew I was going to be driving her home. This gave me a reason to ask the manager to leave early and permission was granted. Scarface asian also came in and gave me $200 so I didn't leave entirely broke.

Scarface is cool but he does this weird thing where he grabs your ass cheek while you're dancing for him and jiggles it really fast. Like he's shaking a container of oj or something. I dunno.

I worked 4 nights this week and still only made a grand total of $1400. Fuck that shit.

Hanging out with the Ex tomorrow. He invited me to go on vacation to Canada with him this winter but I don't think I'm going to. I don't understand what he wants from me. I suppose I should just ask him, but that's no fun.

My friends asked me if I could see myself marrying him the other night while we were drinking and I was like,

"NO!!!"

...but really I don't know. Sometimes I get the feeling that's what's going to happen. The first night I met him I knew he was going to be a main character in my life and it looks like I was right. Meh.

Yay internet

Worked Saturday and Sunday. Both sucked. I made a total of $700. That should one night's income, not two.

On Saturday I sat at the bar and bought myself shots for the first 3 hours of the night. A few guys actually came up to me and tried to start conversation or buy dances but I said 'no thanks'. Maybe not in those words but...yeah. Then little old asian man came in and I sat and danced for him for the rest of the night. Would have made more off of him if these other two skanks didn't come over and invade. It was just supposed to be my friend (who is good friends with old asian) and I, but because old asian man spends so much money all the girls come sniffing around when he's in.

Sunday was just retarded. It was dead and the customers were gross. I had a few customers ask me about vip and as soon as I told them they had to keep their dick in their pants and they couldn't touch anywhere my g-string covered they were all like "ok, thanks for coming by" which translates to "you're not whorey enough for me because I'm a nasty pervert who has to pay for sexual contact and can't even do so in the appropriate environment."

At the end of the night on Sunday I started talking to this dumb young drunk kid who was trying to take out $500 from the atm but kept getting declined. He was only able to take out $100 and promptly handed it over to me but $500 would have been better.

Some girl at work who's been super friendly with me lately invited me to her house warming party next weekend. She had to move out of her place 'cause her boyfriend beat the shit out of her. Strippers sure know how to pick em. She's one of the top girls. Bleach blonde hair, fake boobs, tan skinny body, cute outfits, prissy attitude-she's got it down. I like her though and she gets me customers. Plus she knows all the club gossip so I can feel in the loop after conversing with her.

The Ex texted me last night asking about my new place and inviting me out to go...ROCK CLIMBING! He's so fucking dumb. He knows I don't do the climbing thing. I've told him multiple times that my nails are too long and it's just not that fun for me but still every week he asks. If he'd rather cling on to some stupid fucking (fake) rock than hang out with me that's cool but the sex stops. He's not about to just do what he wants and hang out with his friends and then call me or stop by when he wants to fuck. There must be a 3:1 ratio of hanging out to fucking I've decided.

I don't understand how my coworkers get their significant others to fucking pick them up from work every night at 4 in the fucking morning and that sort of shit and I can't even get a guy who will hang out with me twice a week and maybe pay for a meal or two. I really fucking suck.

My new clean life

Im in my new place and it's really nice. My furniture is beautiful. I'm really bored and lonely though. I've been living with people for the last year and half so I have to get used to being by myself again. Time for all my destructive behaviors to start up again I suppose.

I had a dream about Colorado guy last night. Kinda odd. I can't even remember the content of the dream. I think we were sitting on the couch, which makes sense as it was one of our main activities in conjunction with the consumption of alcohol. I kinda miss him. I flipped out on him last time he called and told him to stop calling me. I was having a shitty night at work and was in a sour mood. Plus I was frustrated at how things were going with the Ex.

The Ex is out of town this weekend. I've been playing tons of chess against the computer. I've probably logged about 50 games so far, which is a lot for fucking chess. I need to get really good so I can beat his cocky ass.

I resume work tomorrow. Yay. Sort of yay.