I would never let her do that...

This weekend, like most, was spent drinking, drinking, and drinking some more. I'm not even sure how I managed to make it to work on Saturday night, granted I was over 2 hours late. Even with my late fines and short shift I did well. I think I might do the late thing every weekend.

It's funny how it seems that the crappier you look at work, the better you do. Maybe guys really do go for the disheveled look. There will be nights where I'm super done-up; skinny body, very tan, perfect outfit, hair perfect, nails done up, impeccable makeup, the whole nine yards...and nothing. Then, there are nights like Saturday where I'm suffering from alcohol poof, pool hair, skanky nails, bathing suit tan lines and I do great. Probably just a coincidence.

Friday night I went out with a bunch of people, including the Mexican (new name for my friend's boyfriend's roommate). It was fun, but I drank a bit too much. When I go out I dance; I'm not one of those sit-at-the-bar and look bored types. I'm out on the floor. Apparently this bothered some people the other night, as a group of girls approached the Mexican and said something to the effect of "I can't believe you let your girlfriend go off and dance with other dudes like that...I would never do that." A few things about that

a)I'm not his girlfriend

b)I would never want to be with a guy who 'lets' his s.o. do stuff. wtf?

c)Why do people care so much about what other people (who they don't even know) are doing.

d)What a tacky way to hit on someone.

e)It's weird hanging out with a guy who's attractive enough to get hit on by multiple girls in the course of a night.

Anyways. Night ended and Saturday started way too early. Somehow almost our entire group had disappeared through the course of the night and when we woke up it was just the Mexican and me. We promptly hit up McDonalds, Target, and the liquor store (in that order), and started day two of the holiday weekend. Saturday consisted of both of us being trashed the entire day. Our friends rejoined at some point and we spent a few hours at the pool. I remember we kept trying to go off and...make sexytime, and we kept getting interrupted. Then the Mexican passed out and I decided about two hours too late that I should head into work. Glad I did, though.

Sunday was fairly tame in comparison, just the traditional cookout and chill at the pool memorial day thing.

Refreshing

My week-long hiatus from work came to an end on Wednesday. Things were definitely slow this week, maybe because this is the last week of grade school?

On Wednesday one of my easy regulars came in and did an hour. That was basically most of the money I made that night. I somehow kept my drinking to a minimum, even though I hadn't imbibed for a week. I'm trying to lose some of my tolerance for memorial day, so I can get nice a tipsy without too much effort. It's kind of sad how much thought I put into these things.

Last night was blah-tastic. One of my friends almost got fired for pouring juice on a guy-multiple times. In her defense, the motherfucker totally deserved it. First, he tried to slide a nickel between buttcheeks. Now, I guess this could be silly/funny if you have really strong rapport with the guy, but she didn't. Then he made the mistake of slipping a dime into her garter. She flipped the fuck out. She went to grab the carafe of cranberry juice that was on the table. Luckily, a girl grabbed it out of her hand before any damage was done. Unfortunately, there was another one filled with orange juice within reach, and this one met its target. Clearly feeling that the oj was not enough, she then started grabbing rogue drinks scattered about the table and dousing the douche with those as well. She got a stern lecture from out manager, who kindly asked her 'not to be so ghetto', and the offender was kicked out.

Other than that, a totally boring night.

Hey ma

Soooo.

Wednesday night was lame. I was pretty bored/annoyed all night. I felt like I drank a ton, but ended up blowing really low. That was nice. Now I have a week off work since I'm out of town!

I hung out with my friend's boyfriend's roommate again. He can be really dumb, but I like him. It's weird, the thing/s that cause you to like someone. I don't even know what it is, there are just some people I'm attracted to, regardless of their looks or personality. Maybe it's pheromones or something.

We didn't have sex, mostly because we were in the bed with two friends of mine, and I thought it would be pretty gross to go at it right next to them, even though they were passed out.

Apparently he's referring to me as his 'girl' to our friends. Funny. He's half mexican, so he always calls me ma, and that cracks me up.

I'm in sort of an odd position right now. There's the bouncer, who I don't really have an interest in, but kept bugging me for another date, which I mistakenly accepted. Now he's insistent that we do it again, and I don't know how to end things. Normally I'd just tell him that it's not gonna happen, but because I work with him, it's weird. Plus I already tried that and it didn't work. Gah.

Well, maybe I'll meet a hot Harvard graduate while I'm up here and just stay here. That would solve all my boy problems.

Hit me baby

I have to tell you about this hilarious customer I had tonight.

He summoned me while I was dancing for another group of guys, and he told me that he wanted to go to the back (vip), pronto. This always makes me suspicious, but he seemed harmless enough.

We get back there and the first words out of his mouth are

"what do you want to do to me?"...

So I start talking shit, and mention that I want to spank him. He's really into this idea and he bends over in spanking position. I start slapping his ass as hard as I can, because why not... Then he takes off his belt and tells me to hit him with it. I'm a little hesitant at this point because I don't want to get in trouble for hurting this dude, but I oblige.

So here I am smacking this dude's ass with his own belt in vip and it's loud. Really fucking loud. I'm trying my hardest not to crack up laughing as I'm smacking this 45 year old bald man from New York on the ass with his own belt, and it's hard not to.

Of course he then tries to get me to go back to his hotel room with him, telling me I can "do whatever I want to him". I throw out a ridiculous pricetag that I'm sure he won't be willing to pay, and he tries to haggle. I finally tell him that I had a nice time, but it's just not something I can do.

Later, as I'm tipping out, I see him talking to another girl who I'm sure won't hesitate go back to his room and beat the hell out of him. I wish I could be a fly on that wall.
I like beating men up, but this was just too much.

Nothing noteworthy

Work was...work-esque this weekend. Nothing particularly noteworthy happened. Well, besides all the bouncers asking me questions about my bouncer suitor and our date. I still haven't decided how to deal with this situation.

Last night I did threaten to 'kick some guy in his fucking face', which put a damper on the rest of my night (luckily his obnoxoius behavior occurred later in the night). He was one of those ones that think it's a good idea to try and tickle(?) my ass-crack with a folded dollar bill while I'm dancing for him. Except I wasn't even dancing for him, I was dancing for his friend. Neither of those scenarios are ok, but that pissed me off even more. His face after I snapped at him was priceless, though.

I'm thinking of switching clubs soon, I think I need a change.

Date with the bouncer #2

So, in traditional me fashion, my date was...interesting.

I arrived at Captial Grille about 20 minutes early. Being an alcoholic, I decided to sit at the bar and enjoy a cocktail in my spare time.

Unfortunately, as I walked in I was recognized by none other than a customer of mine. He was dining with a friend and beckoned me over. I reluctantly meandered over to his table and took a seat. They ordered me a drink (a delicious concoction of stoli and pineapple) and made small talk. Then my customer decided to take a trip to the restroom, leaving me alone with his friend. Of course his friend inquired as to how I know said customer and I sat there and muttered incomprehensibly. I had told them that I was there for a date that I was less than excited about, so of course this lead to them encouraging me to ditch my date. I stood firm in my decision to not ditch my date, even though my customer's friend is one rich motherfucker. I mean, VERY wealthy. I did get his number ;). He told me about his house in Florida, and his house in Colorado, and talked about other rich person stuff that I wanted to roll my eyes to.

My customer (his friend) arrived back as we were exchanging numbers, which was awkward in and of itself because we've spent hours in vip together, and he (my customer) has asked me for my number numerous times (I always refuse him). Gah.

My date arrived, and I ate a lot of delicious food and blah blah blah. We went to Tongue and Groove and then went bowling (I won, btw). It was fun, but I'm sooooo not attracted to him. I used my best kissing avoidance techniques and got away pretty easily. For some reason he enjoyed himself and wants to see me again, despite him spending $200 on me and not even receiving a kiss.

I hate this situation and I want out.

Getting to know my new friends

So I slept with my friend's boyfriend's roommate on Friday night. The hot fitness model one...What's wrong with me? Actually it was fun and he is hot, so I'm not really disappointed or anything. Not sure where things are going to go from here, though. I guess it would be convenient. He's an alcoholic as well, so that would be fun, but probably not too healthy.

Work was decent last night as well. I was trashed-I actually went into work drunk-and was pretty lit all night. Had exactly 8 one hundred dollar bills when I got home. No tens, twenties, or ones. Weird. I must have tipped them all out.

I'm sooo tired, it was a long weekend.

Rewind

Where do I start...

As I was leaving for work on Friday I hear my phone vibrate. It's a text from the ex. I haven't talked to him in months, and didn't plan on ever seeing or talking to him again. Of course, that never seems to happen. The text simply says 'sociopathic stripper' [it actually says my stage name, but I didn't want that to be public].

I decide to ignore it and head to work. Unfortunately curiosity got the best of me and I responded with '?'

"are you working?"

I respond a few hours later (hey, I was working) with a 'yeah'

When I check my phone towards the end of night this gem is waiting for me

'I was at your club earlier but i didn't see you...must have been in vip'

Now, I was in vip, but only for an hour, so I find it hard to believe that he happened to be at my club during that time.

He then makes shitty conversation and tries to get me to go over to his house. Hell to the no.

The next day I get more texts from him.

"Come to Opera with me tonight"

"I'm working" I respond.

I go off to work and everything is going well. I go to check my phone around 1:00, and there's a text. A one word text. I get a bad feeling and realize that he's probably at my club.

I start to walk out to the floor and *bam* I see him. I beeline back to the dressing room and bitch to the housemom and other girls.

I finally get the nerve to leave the dressing room, and go to the bar. Of course he sees me and comes over.

"what the fuck? I told you not to come to my club. I could have you kicked out."

"Wow, I haven't seen you forever"

"Will you buy me a shot?"

"You should buy me a shot, you're the one with all the money."

I walk off.

Of course I get called to stage 2 minutes later because the universe hates me. My ex is standing in the corner, not watching me on stage of course. He does come up and tip me 8 dollars as I give him the death stare. He leaves shortly after I get off stage and continue to ignore him.

Of course I get a text about how I should come over. I'm almost impressed he has the nerve to booty text me after the fact that I've told him numerous times I hate his guts. I reject his offer and tell him to have fun sleeping alone.

The next day, I have this gem waiting for me,

"I finally found that middle eastern girl I'm gonna do"

"Wow, that took you a while; almost a year. Glhf."

I mean seriously? Was that some sad attempt to make me jealous, because if anything it made me relieved. Go booty call some middle eastern chick and leave me the hell alone you disrespectful sleazy-ass motherfucker. Gah.

In other news, I went to a cookout with my friend and a bunch of her coworkers (she works at a gym) on Sunday. Now, in Georgia you can't buy alcohol on Sunday, and due to poor planning, we had none. So we all decided to go to a mexican restaurant for drinks. I got trashed and blacked out (surprise surprise). Apparently I was all over one of the guys there, but I don't remember. He's a fitness model, and pretty attractive, so that's good.

I'm hungover as hell today. Work is gonna blow tonight.