cos(stripper skill)

Man tonight was a piece of shit disappointment. I was hoping it'd be good 'cause I worked labor day weekend last year and made over $500 all 3 nights I worked but that was not the case this year.

Meth guy was in tonight (the guy who I did meth with last valentine's day) and I danced for him but refused his drugs. This is odd because normally I don't say no to free drugs (wasn't meth this time, he had molly and tabs) but I decided to exercise some willpower on this fine evening.

We were up in room 7 with two other strippers and two other customers. One of the customers was a female that I swear looked like a tranny. Then she took off all her clothes and danced for meth guy. It was awkward and I kept trying to see if she had any sign of a penis. I always feel girls who are have her sort of shape. Absolutely no hips and no ass and very little body fat. So unfeminine.

Then I danced for this guy who was wearing the thinnest basketball shorts ever with no underwear so I could feel his tiny sharpie dick on my butt for much of the dance. Seriously guys who do this are pathetic and we're pretty much always laughing at your mini penis to ourselves. We even make fun of it in the dressing room with the other girls.

I think I'm becoming a shittier stripper as time goes on. My skill level as a stripper is somewhat parabolic in nature. Start out crappy, a year or so in hit your peak and then it's down hill from there. Maybe it will end up as a trigonometric function, and there will be multiple peaks and valleys.

I've been obsessed with bell peppers lately. I bought 5 this morning and have eaten three of them already. I always crave the weirdest shit. Always vegetables.

The ex texted me last night at 3:30 am. He asked what I was doing...and told me that he's going to tennessee to climb and coming back monday evening. Sort of odd for him. I think I sent him a few drunken text messages on Friday night but I compulsively delete all my incoming and outgoing texts after I get/send them so I don't know.

I do know that a friend of mine sent him a message on facebook telling him he needs to 'treat me like a princess' and a bunch of other shit. I swear I'm not 14 years old.

Chameleon

I just blew a .17 and had no idea. I've been drinking sooooo much lately...It's pathetic.

I did alright tonight, a little over 500...meh.

There's this 'documentary' on hulu called 'the strip game' that I watched today. It's pretty good. A fairly accurate portrayal of the industry. It focuses mainly on black clubs, but the sentiments are the same. Plus they have a section about atlanta!

The ex texted me today. I'm going to try and get him to take me to my car tomorrow...under the guise of lunch or someting. We'll see.

The guy with a kid keeps trying to get me to go out with him again. The problem with dating is that i know what the guy I'm with wants/expects and I can tailor myself to that, so I do. I don't know why. Amusement maybe. I always drop them before anything serious happens.

Thank you for sharing!!!

This week has been incredibly fucking busy. I'll start with work.

Worked Wednesday night. It was the worst night (money-wise) I've had in a while. I left with under $100. I did get to leave at 1:00 because of school so I didn't have to waste any more time in that god forsaken place.

Last night (saturday) was pretty decent, if not a bit awkward. Little asian man came in. Now he often comes in with girls from the club (they are his dates) and that can cause drama. Especially since this girl, ashley, has returned. She worked at the club when I first started. I remember her because she was one of the prettier girls but a lot (a fucking ton) of drama. She ended up on a lot of shit lists and did a lot of questionable things. She left when she became pregnant with her second child (she's 22) and just returned a few weeks ago. She was only working on Saturdays (when little asian comes in) and this made a lot of girls angry. Well she came in the little asian last night along with another girl, Autumn, who I don't know all that well. Apparently ashley thought that autumn was talking shit about her behind her back and there was this huge drama fest with tears and yelling and all that jazz. I just sat there an observed. It was slightly annoying because the ordeal was fucking up my money a bit and making little asian uncomfortable. Apparently ashley got fired last week as well, so that made things worse.

I did stray from the table for a second to say hey to another customer of mine that was in and it was disappointing. I did two dances for him and while I was over there they call another girl over. This girl is dirty as fuck and everyone knows it. She will actually have sex with guys in vip. So the customer she's dancing for asks my customer is she's a good vip (he was a first-timer, apparently), and my customer responds "oh yeah, she's a good one to take to vip" She wasn't present for this exchange (bathroom or something) and it just made me feel grossed out. Is that what guys really want?

Ok, some non-work stuff.

Had my date on Tuesday with the father. It went well but there was no chemistry. We did make out, but I have a tendency to make out with people that pass on the street, it's no biggie to me. He called me the next day and wants to hang out again. It's a tough position for me because he's good friends with my friend's fiancee so I don't want to blow him off but I also don't want to lead him on. Why can't I just be attracted to more people?

I hung out with the ex on thursday night. We went roller-skating which was funny.

On Friday I hung out with friends and it was crazy as usual. I think I might have broken, sprained or jammed my thumb punching someone. I didn't really feel it at the time because I was trashed, but I woke up the next morning and I could move it or pick stuff up. It's fairly swollen still, I guess I'll wait it out.

I also sent the ex a really horrible albeit hilarious email Friday night/Sat morning. I not only sent it to him, but to a bunch of his friends/family. See, he sent me and a bunch of other people an email on Friday about stupid new age crap like he often does. Now, I've learned to just roll my eyes and ignore these emails because that's the easiest thing to do. So I did just that. Well, I get home from partying on Friday and notice another email in my inbox from one of the people he sent the original email to. It's more fucking bullshit and at this point I'm just annoyed so I decide to have some fun. I write back an email mocking all of the crap they're talking about and calling out the ex at the same time. I send this email to everyone he sent the original email to (family members included). I'm pretty sure they all think I'm crazy now, but I had to do it for the lulz. Here's a copy of the email that set me off and my response. I didn't include the ex's original email because I'm embarassed to be involved with such a retard.

Here's the girl's email:

Wow! Thank you for sharing, stupid ex.

I admire you for being on a journey about who you are in the world.

I also admire your openness to sharing your breakthroughs with friends.

I admire that you’re thoughtful, pensive and that you get what you’ve gotten so far.

If you ever want to consider expanding the conversation you’re having or shortening your discovery to 3 and ½ days from a couple of years, I would love to have you register for The Landmark Forum. There is an Introduction to The Landmark Forum and it is 3- hours and it is all about creating a new possibility in an area of your life. (Even if you don’t register, you still get something.) There is are two introductions this week on Tuesday (8/31) and one on Wednesday (9/1), both at 7pm. I would love for you to be my guest! You and any of your friends are welcome – just let me know. I mean many of us piddle away 3-hrs without even thinking about it, I always ask my guests, “Why not give yourself 3-hours for your life?” and “What’s an area of life you’d like a breakthrough in?”

What I got from The Landmark Forum was the ability to give up past resentments and regrets, peace-of-mind and more love and affinity with people I care about. I am able to put the past, in the past which gives me a wide-open future to create. Plus –I got a set of “tools” that showed me how to apply what I got to every area of my life. Transformation isn’t sustaining on its own.

It really can’t hurt to just come see, right?

It isn’t a belief system, it’s all just conversation. And, I hope you’re okay with my response. You know I think you’re the “bees-knees”!!

Give me a call if you’re interested this week or any other time.

What if everyone experienced a HAPPY day on the same day??!!! That would be so cool!!

peas & lub,

-retard

Pretty fucking stupid, right?

Here's my response:

Amazing!

This is so enlightening. All this time I thought life was just some bullshit coincidence that occurred as a result of some cells colliding but now I see it's so much more!!!

I admire the fact that you're able to disregard all logic and reason and grasp at abstract and convoluted concepts in order to justify your existence and behavior in this fucked up world of ours.

I would try and have you register for some dumb-fuck course or website but I don't have anything to offer!!! OMG that's so great though, I wish I did!

I mean, sure we've been fucking for the past few months or so, but what the hell does that mean anyway? I'm sure you've been fucking half the people on this stupid fucking contacts list!

I don't have any websites or churches or cults to recommend to you, but I know that I have a lot of answers to a lot of questions! Granted I'm just a blob of cells and I don't know jack shit but I think that you're the 'wasps articulatio genus', and that means a lot to me!

Well I'm really pleased we could connect in such a way, I feel very privileged and honored to be on such a presitgious contacts list...hopefully you'll subscirbe to my newsletter or whatever...and by subscribe to my newsletter I mean place your penis in my vagina! Which you've done already, so that means you're a preferred customer. Discount for you!

-Cheers and positive vibrations if you know what I mean...eh? ;)

Wholly and totally inappropriate but I just don't care anymore.

Cheers.

A good night...

I did so much fucking cocaine tonight. I feel jittery and nauseous as hell, so it wasn't even good coke.

I made some money though. Good money. Well, good considering how it's been lately. Two years ago this would have been an average/decent night but now it's fucking great.

My first vip was disturbing. It was me, another girl, and a somewhat regular. Not a regular I go to vip with, but he gives me money and buys me drinks. He was nasty, she was nasty and I was freaked out. She actually let him go down on her. Ugh.

My second vip was this coked up mother fucker. He cracked me up. He was getting upset 'cause his dick wasn't getting hard and I was like "dude, you just snorted half of columbia's wealth in cocaine, your dick ain't getting hard anytime soon."

Then another regular of mine came in, scarface asian, and gave me $150 for a few dances. Nice.

I have class tomorrow which sucks 'cause I'm not getting any sleep :(.

Strip club constants

So I worked a million days this week. We have last sat, sun, mon, wed, fri, and tonight. I feel like I live at the goddamn club.

Tonight my little asian came in so I just sat with him all night. I love not having to deal with customers. Customers would come up to me and ask me for dances and I was like "uh, later" but never went. There was a new girl that hung at out table tonight. Super cute.

I was thinking about strip clubs and some things they all have in common. Here's what I came up with:

20% of the girls sell drugs. I don't know if people realize how many girls sell or have sold shit on the side but yeah, it's pretty fucking common.

The male staff will try and sleep with you. I think a lot of people think that after working in a strip club for a while the male employees couldn't care less about the abundance of naked chicks prancing around. False. Men are fucking horny bastards and will try and sleep with every dancer in the club (well, most). Once they realize you aren't down with that they usually give up.

Most of the girls aren't in college. I'd say about 30% do the college thing but about 70% say they're doing the college thing. I did even when I wasn't in school. It's what the men want to hear.

There's drama. Not really a huge surprise; wherever you have this many fucked up girls there's going to be a lot of shit going down all the time. Customers ask about how all the girls get along and we always say "there's not drama, all the girls are really cool and chill here," but that's a lie. Everyone talks shit and gossips about everyone else and there are numerous fights in the dressing room every week.

On another note, I have a date this Tuesday with a 36 year old divorcee with a 6 year old child. What the fuck? It's funny 'cause the other day I was in my car thinking about how old I'm getting and I starting asking myself if I wanted kids. I decided that I should try and date a guy with a kid to see if I liked the whole kid thing and voila-two days later I have a date with a father.

No Stoli O

Work last night was kind of shitty. I think I may skip the concert tonight and go to the club instead :(

I've been experiencing some sort of work guilt lately. I want to go in every night out of fear of missing good customers if I don't. Turns out Tuesday (the night I bailed on) there was a good customer of mine in and I'm kicking myself for skipping. I don't want to become one of those people obsessed with work but it's beginning to be that way. I guess when school starts I'll chill out a bit.

Some girl (the one who occasionally gives me free coke) let me use her black light nail polish at work last night and it is freaking awesome. I was admiring my nails all night. I found out she does a lot of meth which makes me sad. She sells a lot and always seems to be in a good mood and now I understand why. I wish meth weren't so bad for you because it really is so freaking awesome.

The club was out of stoli o last night because they forgot to order it or something. Since that's what I always drink I had to switch it up. Well, I made the mistake of switching it up to jager. Yuck. I did about 7 jager bombs and felt gross. I also blew too high so my friend drove me home.

The Ex and I aren't talking at the moment. It was inevitable, really. I constantly feel like he's punishing me for how I was to him [3 years ago]. He can be such a prick and last Friday I think I said some pretty mean stuff to him. I was drunk (of course), but I remember saying something about how I can see why his ex married some other guy instead of him...ouch.

Needless to say I haven't heard from him since that gem and I haven't bothered making contact. I would apologize but I don't even remember what I said. It kind of sucks because he invited me to go to vegas with him this October and I really wanted to go. We'll see.

I think if I work tonight I'll buy myself a new outfit as a reward.

3 years ago

I skipped out on work tonight. My week was supposed to be sat, sun, mon, tues, wed, sat...etc but now I'll have to work tomorrow and Friday night.

I'm going to a work friend's fiance's concert at this really seedy dive bar on Thursday evening which will be fun.

I decided not to completely waste the evening and get some tanning done in lieu of work. I also ordered over $50 worth of nail polish and accessories online so that's exciting.

I got my hair done today and I was talking to my stylist about my life and realized that I haven't done anything noteworthy over the past three years. Pretty much my biggest accomplishment is that thousands of people have seen me naked.

My attitude has changed a lot in these past years, though.

Below is a excerpt from an email I wrote to my mother after she found out I was working as a stripper. I was so naive then...

I know you've never worked as a stripper, or even set foot in a strip club, but it really is an interesting environment, and I think if you were to ever enter such an establishment, especially as a worker, you'd be surprised. It's not just full of lecherous old men looking at naked women. If you think about it, they can do that at home on their computers for free (and a lot do). I think a large part of it is about the temporary companionship. I can't tell you how many guys I actually took the time to have legitimate conversation with (as opposed to just asking for dances) told me they appreciated the fact that I am able to hold a decent conversation. In the few weeks I've worked thus far I've had more interesting conversations about everything from politics to religion to quantum physics (yup), than I'd had up to that point in my entire life. In life it's rare to just go up to strangers and start conversation with them, but in the strip club environment it's perfectly acceptable. Not to mention you're being paid to converse

I don't think so little of myself, and the job really has had no bearing on my self-esteem. Besides the fact that I love feeling self-sufficient. To be honest, success in this job has less to do with looks, and more to do with sales skills. Some of the top-earners are definitely not 'lookers', but they can hustle like no body's business. A lot of the rest of that paragraph is simply your opinion, so I can't really refute it. And trust me, I take everything told to me there by customers with a grain of salt. I know men can't think clearly, especially when surrounded by half-naked women.

Yes, there are drugs. Yes, a lot of the girls abuse controlled substances (mostly alcohol). I have no interest in the drugs or alcohol. Even if I were able to drink at work, I wouldn't. I see too many girls at the end of the night absolutely trashed in the dressing room, and I know it hurts their money. A lot of the girls claim to need to drink before they can get of stage, well I don't have that problem. There is really no way I could get in trouble by the law unless drugs were found on me, which is not going to happen. If anything this job is more of an anti-drug, seeing all the shit that the other dancers go through.

Ha ha ha. How cute was I? If I had only known.