My 5th move since the start of this blog

moving day!!!

I'm excited to get my nice furniture back. And my big screen tv. And my own space. My video game systems. My whole wardrobe. A gym. Two swimming pools with fountains!

I'm actually going to be homeless 'til the 5th, my actual move-in date doesn't exactly coincide with my move-out date of the 30th. I don't mind couch surfing.

I've made $4,000 since I started working 2.5 weeks ago. Almost made everything back that I blew while not working. I'm trying to make a total of $10,000 before school starts (23rd of August), so I have $6,000 left to make. Very doable.

Rich doctor keeps texting me. As does rich ADD guy. And the Ex to an extent. Don't like any of them...well besides the Ex maybe. I guess I just don't like rich men as much as I want to. I like their money-could do without their personalities.

5 in a row

Tonight will be my fifth consecutive night working. Fuck.

I'm in a bit of a funk right now and I just feel like working. All the time. I haven't even been drinking at work. I want to be perfect. Well, look perfect. I already know my personality is shit and there's nothing I can fucking do about that. I want to care about other people-I'm sick of being selfish. Everyone is selfish, right?

I've lost some weight over the past few days because I've been working so much. I like looking thin. Makes you look more...expensive if that makes any sense. I need to go tanning again. And a new outfit.

I don't even remember Sunday night...I did get a vip with this really sweet guy who was stoned out of his mind and thought that I might actually consider dating him.

Oh and these two cokeheads that came in. My friend and I called it right when they walked through the door-"these guys are fucking coked up." Sure enough when we start talking to them they ask if we can get them some blow. Yeah and no. Neither of the resident drug dealers were in yet. 10 minutes we told them. 10 minutes turned out to be 3 fucking hours and things went terribly wrong. The more obnoxious of the pair was dancing around the club like a maniac and kept getting reprimanded by the bouncers. We tried to get him in vip, but he wanted to wait for his coke. He did buy two large bottles of Nuvo and countless other drinks for almost every girl in the club. His buddy ended up going to vip with some nasty chick who fucks customers bareback in the back. They were back there for 4 hours. Obnoxious guy just kept acting obnoxious so I left. Fuck cokeheads.

Monday night was very slow. Luckily I got a vip at the end of the night. It was a couple. On their first date. All they did was make out and...manually stimulate eachother while I stood in the corner of the room like a awkward voyeur or something. At one point I did start dancing for the guy and his chick got jealous and started to try and 'show me up'. Listen lady, I don't give a fuck about your ugly boyfriend and I'd rather you dance for him.

Last night was slow too. Little asian man was in and I got $200 from him and did one vip with a gropester. He kept trying to touch my pussy and I finally grabbed his hand and dug my nails into it as hard as I could. I hate Indian motherfuckers. I also hate how dirty the club has gotten.

Hopefully tonight I'll make $3000.

The Ex invited me to go indoor climbing with him. I declined due to my beautiful long nails I don't want to ruin. I told him he could stop by my place afterwards if I'm not working. I just want to have sex with him, honestly. I'm too fucking smart for relationships I've decided. And I lack sincerity.

How's the baby?

So I worked last night. I HATE Saturdays. I can't get anything done because there are too many people and I just feel annoyed. Add in the fact that I don't drink on Saturdays and that leads to a pissy me.

I had made $70 bucks up until the last hour of work. Then a wonderful asian customer of mine comes in and my night is salvaged. This man, tiny asian, spends a lot of money at my club. He comes in 2-3 times a week and spends $600-$1000 each visit. I don't know what he does or where he gets this kind of money and I don't care. I got $180 from him which helped a lot. Then I ended up getting another $100 from these two customers I know so that was $280 in about 45 minutes.

I still went home poor, but slightly less poor than I was expecting. It doesn't help when I'm tipping out the DJ and the girl infront of me says

"hey, I got over $1,000 in credit card money so you'll get your 10% of that too."

...After handing him $45 in cash. This means she had $450 cash as well as 1000-something waiting in the office for her. This is also one of girls who made $6,000 of the mystery customer who came in while my dumb ass was still in Colorado. Granted, I've had my share of $1,000+ nights, but I have not come anywhere close to $6,000 in a night. It always hurts when girls make tons more money than yourself...

I'm working tonight which I'm sure will be better than last night.

So I went to pick up my keys from the office on Thursday night and when I walked in my manager asked me "how's the baby?" I sort of chuckled and was like "what?" and repeated himself, "how's the baby?"

"What baby?"

"A girl told me the reason you left is because you had a kid."

"I was gone for four months..."

"Yeah, I didn't think that was the case, but you never know..."

"Just 'cause I'm a stripper who started young doesn't mean I'm going to get knocked up once a year for the next four years or so. I was in Colorado."

"Oh, sorry. Well, welcome back."

What the fuck? Did I look fucking pregnant when I left? The answer is no, by the way. I realize that people reading this have no idea what I look like, but I'm generally pretty thin. I did gain a bit of weight right before and during Colorado, but I don't think I looked pregnant. Plus, I've lost about 7 lbs since Colorado, and I'm working on losing 7 more...Gah. So much gossip at the club.

The Ex called me while I was at work last night, but I surprisingly missed the call even though I spent much of my time in the dressing room pouting. I texted him at like 2:30 on Friday night.

'What are you up to?"

God I'm an idiot.

I got a text back the next morning.

'I was sleeping.'

Yeah, I forget that not everyone lives in opposite land with me where you sleep from 6:00 am to 3:00 pm and are awake the rest of the time. I called him back last night but got voicemail. We're both stupid.

I'm going out with my stripper friends on Monday, I'm sure it will be a blast.

Stupid friends

Most of my friends suck.

I knew this already but I've decided to do something about it. Call it a social experiment if you will.

I'm going to ignore everyone for a while. Well, everyone who doesn't answer phone calls/respond to my texts in a timely manner. I can have friends who would be thrilled to hear from me and be at my beck and fucking call but instead I have dumbass aloof fucking 'friends'. No more.

I worked Tuesday and Wednesday (and tonight!). Tuesday was shit but I was sober enough to drive my car home.

Wednesday was substantially better but I was too drunk to drive my dear car home.

Hung out with the Ex Thursday and it was boring. We didn't have sex, which at this point is all I really want from him because I like the way he looks but everything else about him annoys me.

I found a place to live!!! I'm living with my old bartender from work...It's going to be good times.

Not feeling it

I worked Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday of last week. Didn't do exceptionally well any of those days. I don't even care. I hit my 1,500 weekly goal, even though it took 4 days instead of 3 like it used to.

Wednesday was ok, got a vip at the very end of the night. Did a little bit of coke in vip, but nothing too crazy. Wasn't able to drive home due to 7 shots and 2 glasses of champagne consumed earlier in the night.

Thursday night was better. Had a regular in. Drank slightly too much and wasn't able to drive home. Also got a vip at the end of the night. Might have kissed the regular a little too much. Bleh.

Saturday was the worst as far as my misery level. I didn't drink at all, not even one sip of alcohol, so that put me in a bad mood. Saturdays are full of college kids and bachelor parties which puts me in a bad mood. And the polish guys I dealt with that night put me in a bad mood. They did pay 20 a dance instead of 10, but they were obnoxious and crude. There were probably 15 of them and everytime I danced for one of them all the others would watch. Not just sit back in their chairs kind of watching, but leaning in trying to peer at my asshole every time I bent over kind of watching. And the comments. "I want to eat your poosay-wouldn't you like dat?" Ugh. The manager let me leave early-1:45 or so-and I was home by 2:15.

Once I got home it was time to play 'find the drunk roommates/friends who need to be picked up in downtown atlanta game'. Luckily I found the first one walking down the street by herself at 2:45 in the morning in a shitty part of town like a retard. After I collected her I drove around the club district and spotted the other arm in arm with some dude, crying and wobbling around like a drunkard. I Herded her into the car as well and headed back to our nice not-so-safe home. Now that I'm working again I'm not really feeling the going out thing.

The Ex called me today but I didn't answer. We're seeing a show on Thursday so I don't really want to talk to him until then.

One of my friends at work is trying to set me up with a friend of her fiance. He's an ex punk/metal band guy who looks scary as hell but is actually pretty awesome. He's a vegan which is interesting and he's so different from anything I've ever dated. Plus I like the people he hangs out with-we could go on double dates and shit. On the other hand what I don't need right now is another guy to juggle. It's weird having so many to choose from and not really having feelings for any of them.

I don't know what happened to my feelings. Sometime after returning from Ireland and hanging out with my ex again I realized that they're barely there. It's nice but a bit sad.

I have to move out in 9 days and still haven't found a place to live. Haha.

Scrabble

So this past Sunday was my first night back in the stripper world. It really is like riding a bike, once you learn you don't forget. Well, I'm actually an avid hater of bikes and am not particularly gifted in the art of bike riding, whereas I can give a mean lap dance.

Sunday was easy as a Sunday should be. I had a customer come in who gave me only $20, which freaked me out because normally I get a few hundred bucks out of him. I think the reason I didn't get my money is because another one of the girls he likes was there and he always goes to vip with her instead of me if she's available. I'm guessing that she's a bit nastier in vip and I'd honestly rather him release his pervert powers on her rather than me.

I did end up having two vips that night so all was not lost.

The first was with this Russian customer who adores me. He's really mean to a lot of the girls and will openly criticize their looks which isn't very nice, but he happens to like me. Most of the girls hate him and warn me about his insulting nature but I've never had a problem. I like Russians. They are somewhat rude and blunt but I prefer that to the other personality types that wander into the titty bar. The Russian was fine in vip. He kept asking the usual questions, but once I made it clear that he wasn't getting anything 'special' from me he chilled out.

My second vip was really chill as well. I don't even think he touched me. He just wanted to do his coke and not be hassled. I didn't partake in any powder snorting because I didn't want to be fucked up so close to closing. He said he's coming back next Sunday, so we'll see. I hope he does-he's my favorite kind of customer.

I did drink a bit much so I was car-less the next day. I have to retrain myself to know when my bac is .08 or lower.

My shoes broke halfway through the night which was annoying. I had to trash them and get some new ones for $70. I don't like the new ones as much...they have those stupid looking ankle straps. I think I'm just going to cut them off.

We had so many new faces. Some pleasant to look at, some not so much. There was one girl who I thought might have been pregnant. When I inquired with the girl next to me she said she's probably just fat. Nice.

I was supposed to work last night but instead hung out with the Ex. We went to dinner which I was late to (when I got there he looked really surprised and said that he didn't think I was going to show-I guess that does tend to be my mo), and then I kicked his ass at scrabble.

It's funny because I know a lot of the guys I date think I'm lacking in the brain matter department but that's not the case. I've just realized it's easier as a woman to act like a flake.

After that we played a few more games (uno, anyone?) and then went to sleep. And by went to sleep I mean had intercourse. It was better than I remember, mostly due to me trying a bit harder. I've realized that I will never associate sex with feelings. I get 0 emotional payoff from it so I might as well work on the technical aspect of it and be the best I can be.

I also realized that I just don't have the same feelings for the Ex that I used to. I suppose I only want him when he's not available which leads me to believe it's less about liking him as a person and more about getting what I want.

I have so many dating options right now I'm just a bit overwhelmed. I'll probably do what I always do and just ignore them all until they go away and then start new. I might even move again.

I'm working tonight and pretty damn apathetic about it.

Welcome back!

So I got my job back last night. Well, I suppose I never really lost it.

After downing 2 shots of Svedka I decided to drive to the club just to make sure I was still allowed to work there. Walking towards the door it seemed like no time had passed at all, when in reality it's been 4 months. When I entered the dressing room the house mom immediately started writing my name down on the dj list.

"Uh, I'm not working tonight, I'm just making sure I still have my job..."

(laughter)"of course you do."

"ok, well I have to get my permit renewed. See you Thursday."

I hardly recognized any of the girls. Hopefully all the girls I know were already out on the floor.

I'm excited and slightly nervous about going back. What if I've forgotten how to make money?

I worked a promo gig today for grey goose. It went fairly well, sort of boring. The pay is $30/hr, which is decent for a 40 hr/week job, but measly for a 4-6 hr/week job.

I called the Ex last night to invite him to sushi with my best friend and her date but he didn't answer. He texted me today asking why I called. I told him it was a last minute invitation and that was that.

Last time we saw each other I ditched him halfway through a movie and told him I didn't want to be fuck buddies. He asked me what I wanted us to be and I told him I wasn't sure.

Is it too forward to tell someone you want to be in a relationship with them? Probably not, but for some reason the thought of telling him this makes me nervous. Maybe it's because our history has been a bit rocky.