Fully clothed Thanksgiving

I'm going through work withdrawal right now. I always worked Thanksgiving - one of my favorite nights to work...As I was driving to my apartment this evening I passed my old club and felt the urge to stop by. I still have work dreams often.

I hung out with one of my stripper friends the other night, and surprisingly our night together helped me realize that I really don't want that life anymore. I miss it, but I know it's bad for me - like everything in my life. She's still a crazy drunk. She's been dancing for 11 years. She has a degree and she's quite smart (but a little 'off' due to the alcohol and a concussion she got from falling off the pole), but she's stuck in the trap known as the strip club. She tried to get me to work at her club with her. We used to both work at my old club, but she left (got fired for being a drunk) and went to a slightly nicer club in the vicinity. We actually met there for drinks before going out elsewhere. It's sad when you feel more comfortable in a strip club than pretty much anywhere else.

She got ridiculously drunk due to day drinking thanks to a bad date she had earlier in the day. She's gone through more boyfriends than anyone I know. Another example of how strippers can't maintain healthy relationships. Neither can ex-strippers apparently. I've been on a few dates, some with noteworthy candidates, but no. I just don't like anyone and I cannot force myself to play along. Sure I want to 'settle down' and get married and have kids I guess, but I don't want to feel bored or trapped. I see girls I went to school with - you know the type- sorority, fluffy major, mainstream job, and they meet these guys - fraternity, good family, good job, and get married. Very southern and picturesque and blah blah blah but there's no chemistry. It all just seems planned. Like they had a list and getting married to someone with qualities a, b, and c was # 12 on their 'life list'. They don't look like they have fun together (or apart). Half the time the (omg so perfect!!!) guy is cheating, and the other half of the time the girl is. I dunno. I probably just sound bitter. I probably am.

My strip club bartender neighbor invited me to her club's Christmas party. It's the club I worked at for a hot minute back in...maybe 2009? There's an open bar all night, so I'll probably be there. My alcoholic tendencies are on and off. I haven't drank since last Saturday, and haven't been alcoholic drunk for about 2 weeks. I think my alcoholism is a function of my boredom these days. The more bored I am, the more I drink.

I wish I had the ability to travel right now. I think a few months in another state (or country) would do me some good.

B-O-R-I-N-G

Well, my life is officially boring. Maybe this is why I drank. I suppose I've done well on the no-drinking front - haven't had any alcohol with the exception of maybe 4 drinks last Saturday and 2 on Sunday. I know I wasn't supposed to imbibe at all, per my psychiatrist's instructions, but oh well. I maintained control of my intake.

I'm got a marketing analyst job. Like a normie.

I still miss work. I dream I'm back at the club nearly every night, it's so weird. Still playing with the idea of traveling and working a weekend in another city every so often.

Both my closest friends are dating people; one is still dating the mexican's old roommate (over 2 years now!), and the other is dating a guy from her work. This means I'll start dating someone soon because I hate being the only one without someone. Whenever we go do anything its me and two couples. Boo. That's sort of what prompted me to hang out with the mexican however many years ago (2). Maybe workplace guy has a roommate I can sleep with, ha.

I miss the craziness of my old life. Growing up sucks.

Things I miss

I just ate half a cake and puked it up. Bleh.

I'm kind of bored; I don't really know what to make of my new lifestyle. I have no expendable cash and it's sad. I like to buy things-pointless, unecessary things. I like to eat out...for nearly every meal. I like to have cash. I like counting it, I like depositing it, I like everything about it, and I don't have any. I've made a grand total of $270 in Colorado. I'll probably make $100-$200 more before I leave due to my other job, but still. I miss the drugs. I miss the partying. I miss going to bed at 7:00 in the morning and waking up at 3:00 in the afternoon. I miss being super skinny. I miss hating work. I miss my nice furniture. I miss all the free alcoholic beverages made by professional bartenders. I miss the lifestyle I was attempting to escape from. Maybe that's why I needed to escape; I liked it too much.

Despite all this I'm not overly excited about returning to Atlanta. My best friend is back with her on-and-off boyfriend. When she's with him she's no fun. I'm registered to go back to a school I have have no interest in for a major I couldn't care less about. I'll be back working at a club that I miss, but I'll soon again hate. I'm going to be leaving the person I've spent nearly every waking (and sleeping) moment with for the past month and half which is going to feel weird.

I'm just not excited about my life or my future.

Time to drink some tequila!