Sneaky

So my roommate was out of town last week. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but my roommate is dating the Mexican's roommate. This makes things difficult for a number of reasons, but mainly because everyone in our little circle knows everything. If I'm gone for the night, my roommate knows. This means her boyfriend knows. Which means his roommate, the Mexican, knows. This can be a problem when it comes to keeping secrets.

So anyways. I took her absence last week to my advantage and decided to work a night at the club. Even though I had told the Mexican I had quit (and I did- for 5.5 months), I needed money. While some people may frown on this violation of trust, I have to say that the relationship between the Mexican and myself is rocky at best. Honestly, as of now, I'm not sure there is even enough of a relationship to salvage.

So I worked. And it was almost like I had never left. I mean yeah, girls have left and decor has changed, but I couldn't have honestly told the difference between the other night and a night 6 months ago. Well, except for the fact that my tolerance has gone down.

Part of me feels bad about failing. Failing to 'stay off the pole', as they say...but things are different now. I do have two other legitimate jobs. Jobs that I can put on a resume and get referrals from. I have four classes left 'til graduation-the end is in sight. I don't feel as trapped as I used to. And the money is still great.

Lastly, I have been having correspondence with the Ex. Not that I would ever ride that train again, trust me, I'm completely over that...but he always pops up at the most interesting of times.

I'm probably going to be blogging somewhat regularly again, as I plan to work this Friday and Saturday, as well as some of next week.

I don't know

I'm restless.

I talk to my stripper friends on the phone and I miss it.

 I long for the $800 nights.

I want to be able to get new tires, an oil change, groceries, and some new clothes after a night of work.

Things between the Mexican and I aren't going so well. I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong...but I'm bored.

I've just finished up school for the spring semester. I'm 'free' 'til fall.

I want to make money. Enough to pay for fall semester. Enough to go out and spend without feeling guilty.

I do have a job. A few jobs, actually. But the money isn't the same. I can work 40 hours a week and make 1/3 of what I make working 20 hours a week.

I don't know.

Part of me doesn't want to fail. Doesn't want to crawl back into the club like I couldn't hack it anywhere else. I mean, that's what everyone else does-but I don't want to be that.

 I don't know :(

missing it

So I quit stripping 3 months ago. Haven't been back to the club, not even once, since. Why did I quit? A few reasons:

1)Burn-out. It's very real, and in this industry it doesn't take too long to kick in. Making it in each night was a chore. There was no excitement. As soon as I got to work I went straight to the bar. Straight to my double stoli shot. Straight to another, and another and another...

2) The Mexican. Never quit for a guy. That's what all the seasoned strippers will tell you. They probably know because they've done it. And based on their advice, I'm guessing it didn't work out. Well, the mexican finally gave me an ultimatum: 'your job or me'. Ugh. I guess I really liked him. I do really like him-but our relationship is not a healthy one. More on that later.

3)school. So I'm back in real person school. I acutally only have one more semester (4 classes) 'til I graduate. When I try to do the work and school thing, my schooling suffers. I'm tired, I'm hungover, and mostly I'm more concerned about making money than doing well in school. I felt like if I could just make it through my last few classes and get a real job, I could leave the club behind forever.

So now onto the missing it part. I miss it. I think about it every day. The money, the feeling of being adored, even if just for your body, the spontaniety. Mostly the money, though.

My personality has suffered. I'm moodier. I cry more. I cry a fucking lot. I never used to cry. I thought my relationship with the mexican would get better after I quit. it didn't. Instead of fighting about my work, we just fight about other stupid shit. I just feel like this crazy, moody, psycho girl, and I'm not used to it.

I keep thinking I could just go back for a few days a month. Just enough to cover bills. So I don't have to keep dipping into savings. My scholarship ran out this semester, so I'm going to have to pay for my last semester in full.

It's not as easy as just going back. My pride would be hurt. My mom will be disappointed. I feel like as soon as I walk back into the club everyone will judge me. 'Oh, she couldn't do it. She couldn't quit for good.' "They always come back"-that's what we always would say when girls would quit. I guess it's true.

[erased for personal security reasons]

Hello again

The Mexican was out of town for a little while last week, so I utilized my time and got my ass into work. Did pretty well, guess it's like riding a bike.

Three of my most recent exes (the ex, colorado guy, and ga tech kid) have all contacted me within the last two weeks. All out of nowhere. I don't talk to them ever, and I'm not even friends with them on facebook, yet I got three emails (and a phone call, and an appearance at my work) from them all within a week and a half of eachother. Guess it's the holiday season?

Welp, going to try and start updating a little more often. I'm working thanksgiving, so hopeful something eventful will happen

Boring update

I'm back at my old club. Surprise surprise. For the past few months I haven't worked much, but I'm starting to get back into the groove of things.

I'm still with the mexican...I dunno. I like him, but I just know it's not going to work out. He doesn't like my job, and at the end of the day I'm going to choose my job (money) over any guy. I find myself being resentful at him for taking up my time that used to be taken up by work.

Money is as good/bad as it's always been. Not much really changes on that front.

I haven't been drinking at work lately because I live sort of far from my club now. I actually blew a .00 last night. Cannot remember the last time that happened.

I guess I'm starting to feel bored with my life, which means I'm probably going to move halfway across the country or something soon.

Goodbye club

It's been a while since I last posted. I've only been working intermittently lately. Let's see, I worked last Tuesday and Wednesday, but skipped the weekend. I'm not working this week except for Friday and Saturday. I'm actually leaving my club in a week for a new club because I'm moving, so Friday and Saturday will be my last nights. Unless of course I hate the new club, and decide to commute to my old one because it's worth it. This may very well happen.

Last week was meh. On Tuesday the bouncer recommended me to a customer who just likes to sit and talk to the girls (while paying them, of course). This worked out well, because he did indeed just want me to sit and talk. I stayed with him for ~3 hours, and only got $300, but I didn't mind. It was so easy. I also smoked a huge cigar and sipped Baily's on the rocks. How classy!

On Wednesday, a regular of mine came in. Unfortunately he brought his wife, so there was no vip :(. I sat with them for, I dunno, maybe two hours and he gave me $200. I guess that means my sitting rate is around $100/hr. I suppose that's not bad for what it is. I liked his wife, she was the ideal strip club customer wife. Friendly but not gropey, not pissy and angry, and not completely wasted. They're a cute couple.

My summer semester just ended, thank god. What a boring one it was.

I'm still hanging out with the Mexican...I'm not sure what we're doing exactly, still. I hate discussing those sorts of logistics. We did agree that we wouldn't sleep with other people, so I guess that's a start. He keeps telling me he loves me, and that he loved me since he first saw me, but I don't know-he's cheesy as hell. It's funny because I thought he was gay when I first met/saw him.

I did get a message from a client of his the other day, thanking me for picking him up (drunk) from a dinner party she threw. She mentioned in the message that he mentions me a lot, and that she wants to meet me. I told him this and he got all embarrassed. It was cute.

I guess it's time to start packing!