Missing Work

I miss work so much. It's like an addiction. Once I'm drinking and on a steady diet of opiates and stimulants my emotions will be numbed and all will be right with the world.

Summary of my boring life

The ex texted me on Thursday and invited me to a baseball game when I get back from vacation...WTF? I have this sad feeling that we're going to end up with eachother eventually. I don't really think I have feelings for him anymore but I'm kind of ready for a serious relationship so we'll see.

Colorado guy is moving to Montana where I think there's some chick he'll probably get back with. Blah to that.

I'm going to be living in Midtown for a month and a half so that will be fun.

I had a dream about work last night; I was back at work but the club was closing for good in 2 days. I remember being upset about how I was supposed to make money once my club closed.

A customer of mine keeps trying to get me to go to Vegas with him.
Pros
He pays for everything as well as provides me with $5,000 gambling cash.
It's summer so the weather would be really nice.
Another vacation this summer to a place I haven't been.
He likes to drink.

Cons
He expects that I'll sleep with him.
I have to fend off his advances the entire time.
I do sleep with him and then I'm pretty much a hooker.
Figuring out how to hide this vacation from my parents/friends.

So, I don't know. I guess I'll decide when I get back to Atlanta.

My best friend is back with her on and off boyfriend again and it seems pretty serious-I think they plan to get engaged pretty soon. Another strike against me.

Things I miss

I just ate half a cake and puked it up. Bleh.

I'm kind of bored; I don't really know what to make of my new lifestyle. I have no expendable cash and it's sad. I like to buy things-pointless, unecessary things. I like to eat out...for nearly every meal. I like to have cash. I like counting it, I like depositing it, I like everything about it, and I don't have any. I've made a grand total of $270 in Colorado. I'll probably make $100-$200 more before I leave due to my other job, but still. I miss the drugs. I miss the partying. I miss going to bed at 7:00 in the morning and waking up at 3:00 in the afternoon. I miss being super skinny. I miss hating work. I miss my nice furniture. I miss all the free alcoholic beverages made by professional bartenders. I miss the lifestyle I was attempting to escape from. Maybe that's why I needed to escape; I liked it too much.

Despite all this I'm not overly excited about returning to Atlanta. My best friend is back with her on-and-off boyfriend. When she's with him she's no fun. I'm registered to go back to a school I have have no interest in for a major I couldn't care less about. I'll be back working at a club that I miss, but I'll soon again hate. I'm going to be leaving the person I've spent nearly every waking (and sleeping) moment with for the past month and half which is going to feel weird.

I'm just not excited about my life or my future.

Time to drink some tequila!

Atlanta strip clubs > Boulder strip clubs

I'm going off to Ireland in three weeks. Yay.

I worked a night at a club here in Boulder and let's just say Boulder is no Atlanta when it comes to strip clubs. I guess there just isn't the right sort of population to really support a decent strip club. At this particular club the girls, who were a pretty mangled bunch, were allowed outside for smoke breaks during their shifts. OUTSIDE IN THEIR STRIPPER HEELS AND OUTFITS! Some were savvy enough to throw on a jacket or some sweat pants, but not enough.

The management could use some help. They were nice enough but they couldn't manage...well, anything.

Since there were only 10 girls or so and the DJ insisted on putting two girls on stage at a time I was on stage every 12 minutes or so. Normally I would complain about this, but considering stage tips comprised the majority of my income I didn't mind too much. Except for the fact that I was expected to perform a fucking swan lake-esque routine for one or two measly dollars. I don't understand the mentality of having to stick my tits in some dude's face and writhe around on the ground for 2 minutes for a few bucks. If the girls wouldn't do it, the guys wouldn't expect it. If management would stop goofing off in the back of the club for a few minutes and try to do some managing they could make some rules against this sort of behavior and the world would be a less skanky place.

Then there were the three Mexican guys who kept trying to pay the waitress in pesos. While the waitress was not amused by this, one of the dancers was more than happy to accept the mexi-money 'as long as she could cash it in for dollars at the bank'.

I ended up doing only 4 dances (at $20 a pop) and I got stiffed (in the money sense) on one of them, so my total dance income was $60. Fifteen of that went to the club (along with 15% of my gross income), so with my stage tips I ended up walking away with $120. One of my worst nights ever and soooo not worth it. I didn't even get many free drinks. You know it's a bad night when I turn down free alcohol.

Other than that little fiasco my trip is going pretty well. I think I may move down to Denver for my last two weeks here because I'm starting to tire of Boulder.

I did get another part time job that pays $30/hr and my clothes stay on, so that's nice.

Running away

So I moved out of colorado guy's place. I figured I better get out before I get too attached. After our little fight the other night he started talking about his feelings for me and I think maybe I freaked out a bit. In true sadsociopath fashion I ran away. I'm really regretting it I think. I feel sad and alone. I want to go back but then I feel like I'm being weak-I dunno. Plus living out of hotels is so expensive, I was saving so much money living there for free.

On another note I talked to the ex today and he was pretty upset because he found out his ex (the one he left me for) is getting married in a few months. I do feel bad for him. I know he really loves her and it must be crushing to watch the person you loved and we with get married to someone else. It must make you wonder what was so wrong with you that they didn't want to marry you. Oh well.

I'm in a hotel room right now, it's pretty nice. I miss the boy a lot but I do appreciate the real bed, cable TV and strong internet connection.

%#$^@*

So we got into our first fight. Well, not really. I got upset at him for the first time is more like it. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

I can't wait to travel this May. I'm getting pretty sick of Boulder already. At least the weather's been nice.

I'm sort of oddly upset that I'm not working, pathetic, I know. I wish money wasn't the fuel that drives me. Damn my materialistic nature!

Time for a drink!

My new life-sort of

So I'm in Colorado right now-and have been for the past month. I'm living with a guy that I was renting a room from. I'm no longer paying rent, which is nice. I guess we're kind of dating. I mean, we're fucking and we spend 80% of our time together, but it's only temporary. Colorado is alright... Not somewhere I'd want to live.

I did get a job at a strip club here, but I decided not to work. The club seemed weird and oddly pretentious. They had a pretty strict dress code for the dancers and the manager/owner kept stressing how they try to keep it a 'classy' club. I was just like get over yourselves, it's a fucking strip club-we grind dick for money-it's not classy. Plus I didn't want to buy a bunch of new non-strippery outfits.

I'm still drinking pretty heavily. One thing I like about this guy is that he drinks with me. It's fun to be able to drink with the guy you're dating. He also doesn't talk about philosophy and spirituality non-stop.

I did call the ex the other night. I was a bit drunk and me and my (roommate, fuckbuddy, boyfriend, whatever) had gotten into a bit of a fight so I decided I was going to go out and party. Well, I still don't know my way around very well so I ended up in a parking lot of a shopping center. I decided to call the ex to get some perspective on men because I don't really get them. We talked for a bit and I realized that my feelings for the ex have completely evaporated. Yay for that.

I just paid my taxes, and that's always a bit painful. Happy birthday Uncle Sam.