Here it is.

Here I've outlined my thoughts and actions on a typical work night. We'll start with the pre-work ritual.

-Shave (armpits, pubes, and legs). Think about what drink I'll be making in a few minutes.

-Fix up hair, assemble outfit and put in the stripper bag. Remind myself that I need to buy some new outfits.

-Make a drink. Nothing too strong, maybe two shots worth of alcohol, just enough to ensure a slight buzz.

-Sip on drink and apply makeup. Contemplate trying something new, and then end up resorting to the same old work look.

-Surf the internet one last time and start to feel buzzed. Excitement for what the night ahead holds starts to build.

-Drive to work blasting my pre-work music (crappy hip-hop). Still feel pretty optimistic about the night.

-Drive by parking lots and notice the fullness of the stripper lot and emptiness of the customer lot. Uneasy feeling starts to accumulate in pit of stomach.

-Park and then go through mental tug of war of whether or not to stay and go back home.

-Decide to stick it out; walk to valet office and hand off keys. Realize that I'm stuck here 'till the end of my shift. Uneasy feeling starts to well up.

-Walk into dressing room and see a bunch of half-naked bitches. Try and see how many hot girls are working tonight while finding a space on the counter. If the number is less than 5, feel excited. If there are more than 5, feel miserable.

-Change into stupid looking work outfit. Notice the alcohol pudge starting to accumulate. Poke at it a bit. Notice the lack of fake boobs and consider asking another girl for some surgeon references.

-Touch up makeup. Take longer than necessary as a procrastination measure.

-Start to exit the dressing room, but stop to apply some Victoria's Secret body spray. Pretend to pick out a specific scent, but this is just another procrastination measure.

-Walk out onto the floor. Take a quick inventory of customers. All fucking cheap-I can tell. Walk to the back bar.

-Sit at a bar stool and talk shit with the bartender. Occasionally glance out at the floor and feel a seething hatred for every man out there.

-An hour has gone by. Seething hatred has morphed into resignation. Decide to go out and try to gather up some cash.

-Spend the next 5 hours drinking, giggling and pretending to be interested in what the dumb men are saying. Hopefully dance a few times.

-Start to get antsy about leaving. Check the time every 15 mintues. Bitch about the money I've made to a friend if one's avaliable. No more drinking.

-3:30-run back to the dressing room like a bat out of hell and get my pass to leave. Tip out and mildly flirt with staff to retain good standings.

-Get dressed as quickly as humanly possible and go out to get keys from valet.

-Enter vehicle and feel happy that I made it through another night. Drive home carefully as to not get pulled over.

-Get back to my apartment and enter quietly as to not disturb the roommate. Consider entering his room and jumping into bed with him. Remember that he hates my guts.

-Go into my room and count my money. Mood elevates greatly if money count is good, remains stable if not. Put supplies away.

-Shower and drink some powerade before bed to stave off any hangovers. Jump into bed.

-Start thinking about if I'm going to work tomorrow. Decide I should. Probably won't.

FML

I'm unhappy with my life for the following reasons:

-I'm a college dropout
-I have an alcohol problem
-I'm a stripper and don't see the end in sight
-I have barely any friends
-I never find guys that I like enough to date
-I live with someone who I inexplicably care about more than I should who's completely indifferent to my existence
-I don't have any hobbies

Almost all of these things are completely within my control to change.

Wants

I would love nothing more right now than a huge pile of cocaine in front of me.

Hmmm

So I was reading another stripper blog and this passage really stood out

"...but when it comes down to it, i think we're all on the same level playing field. i think it affects you no matter what, and it damages you. i very rarely see (i can't think of any, actually, but that doesn't mean i haven't come across one) a stripper in a happy, healthy, monogamous relationship. maybe i'm not cut out for this. " -stripperbarbie

Nothing unusual

I have hardly worked at all in the past few months. I'm so lazy and work hasn't been all the busy lately.

I can't believe I've been doing this for more than a year now. I've been at my current club for a year now, which means I have to get my permit renewed. Another 300 dollars down the drain.

My regular who's been keeping me supplied with a steady stream of coke and opiates is about to fly the coup, so to speak. I can tell he's unhappy with the fact that I'm never going to meet him OTC.

My lease is up in two months, which means that I'm probably going to move again. Moving is a love/hate thing for me. On one hand I like being some place new, on the other I hate having to physically move all of my stuff. My furniture is fucking heavy. I think I might sell it and get
some cheap IKEA shit.

I can't wait to go on vacation or something. I like having stuff to look forward to.

I don't know what to do.

My roommate situation is not going well at all. He treats me terribly-and only me. I see how he acts with his 'friends' and family and it's night and day. The other day he had the audacity to tell me to buy him a whole new bottle of ketchup after I asked if I could use a little bit for my fries. We're talking a teaspoon sized amount.

This is after I've: driven him to and from his job while his car was in the shop, picked his drunk ass up from some bars downtown at 4:30 in the morning even though he was a complete asshole to me the entire week. Let him borrow money to go rock-climbing because his drunk ass lost his debit card. Then when I brought up an incident that happened a while ago involving him not letting me borrow a stamp he told me to 'not make this personal.' Fuck him.

I'm trying so hard to be nice to this man and it's not effective. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do. It's hard enough living with this person who I still inexplicably have feelings for. I cannot deal with his animosity towards me.

Last night I went out and ended up doing coke with some old married dude in the sleazy bathroom of a shitty little bar. My coping skills are obsolete.

Tonight I'm going into work because my regular is going to be there and I know he'll have plenty of drugs that I know I'm going to end up ingesting because I'm fucking miserable right now.

I just don't know what to do. Every day is painful and I just don't want to deal with anything any more.

Pissed off.

Everyone in my life seems extra incompetent right now.

My retarded roommate has invited his pregnant sister to stay with us at our apartment until she has her kid. I like his sister, she's a really cool girl, and I really have no problem with her staying for a few weeks. The problem is that dumb-fuck roommate is going out of town for 5 days while his sister (and her sketchy boyfriend) crashes at our place. I don't care if you invite a family member in need to stay with you but don't be so fucking inconsiderate as to skip town for a week. Now I have to put my life on hold so he can do whatever the fuck he wants. Selfish fuck.

I'm so sick of work and haven't made jack shit lately.

I hardly ever go to school, so I can't complain too much about that, but I'm not doing that well due to my lack of attendance.

I'm super grumpy because I'm hungry and have to lose 5 lbs by Monday and I just want everyone to die.