Fuck the Law of Attraction and The Secret and all New Age religion bullshit

I bitch a lot about New Age religion on this here blog. That's because someone whom I really like is being devoured by that shit. A ridiculously intelligent individual who would be a totally cool human being if he would just grow the fuck up and stop clinging to easy answers. He was devoutly religious for many years. Went to church all the time, bought every religious book there was to be found, the whole nine yards. Then one day he realized it was bogus. Bullshit. Now all this was before I knew him. Met him-really like his 'normal' personality. Normal interests, normal outlook on life, all seems good.

Fast forward to one year later. Completely fucking crazy. Filled the Christian hole with New Age spirituality mumbo jumbo. He doesn't watch TV any more-just those stupid tapes. He just doesn't see it. It's insulting to anyone's intelligence. They make life out to be so simple. Just 'do this' and 'do that' and you'll be a happy zombie and get whatever you want. That's not life. Complexity and the full gamut of emotions are what makes human life beautiful and unique. Not mind vibrations and not thinking about the past or future. Humans have 'flaws'; we get angry, sad, depressed, scared, you name it. We also experience happiness, love, joy, passion and a whole lot of other emotions. There's no simple answer for how to live your life perfectly-no simple solution for clearing up depression or unhappiness.

They're just trying to make a profit and it's working. I don't fault them for that. I just wish people (who I care about) would stop succumbing to it.

Mondays

You know it's a bad night when half the girls can't even pay their tip-out at the end of the night. It was exceptionally slow, and exceptionally cold. I had pretty much given up by 3:00 and was out of there by 3:30.

Luckily I did make enough to tip out, and reached my (week) nightly goal of $400. I'm working four days a week now, seeing as I have NO social life, I might as well be at work making money.

I'm starting to make 'friends' with the staff, which really is important in this industry. Having people recommend you to big spenders is always helpful.

I think this whole job is starting to click with me now. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding people, especially men. I used to find it impossible to believe that men actually get turned on during a lap dance. It seems so artificial, so unsexy to me. My sales skills suffered because of that ridiculous notion. Now, I realize that receiving a dance is not an arousing experience for every single man, but for the majority of them it is. This fact alone has helped me immensely.

I don't know. I'm making more money than I ever have, more than college educated professionals with actual credentials. I can afford the $1,000 leather couch and $800 flat screen TV that I want. I can afford to get my hair and nails done. When I come home and count my money I get this intense high: green and papery between my fingers, with the smell of stale smoke and cheap Victoria's Secret body spray lingering on every bill. Then I quietly pack those lovely pieces of paper in an envelope, their temporary holding cell, until they find themselves in the prison that is my bank account. But I realize that this is not happiness, at least not the happiness that I watch other people partake in.

It's just consuming.