What a weekend

Well after taking one day off from drinking, I was back at it. Not alone, though.

Thursday was a Christmas party at a friend's condo complex. Nothing too exciting happened. Free drinks and food all night, creepy older predatory men, pretty clothes.

Friday was a little more eventful. Hung out with a friend and three of her friends. Well, two of her friends and one of their boyfriend's. We all got pretty tipsy and her friend with the boyfriend pretty much proposed that we have a threesome. I guess I was pretty lit at this point and went home with them. I didn't actually have sex with her boyfriend, even though she kept pushing for it. I know from experience (not any of my own), that it doesn't tend to end well due to jealousy and whatnot. I mostly just made out with the girl and she screwed her boyfriend. Reminded me of my crazy stripper days, ha. Of course my friend was a bit mad at me the next day. Well, not really made, just confused. She's always told me that this girl is crazy; she's convinced she's a sociopath. I dunno. I explained to her that sex means nothing to me, at least in the emotional sense (unless I'm already emotionally attached to someone - and even then it's never been the sex (with other girls) that pissed me off, it was the lying). The next morning wasn't too awkward, no one seemed regretful so that was nice. Crazy girl actually just messaged me "dinner soon!", so I guess there'll be no drama.

Saturday was spent at a friend's house with a few other people. Did some drinking, but nothing crazy. Didn't feel too bad until Saturday night came along. Well, more like early Sunday morning. I started getting really severe heart pains, worse than I've ever felt. Then something weird happened; my head and heart started hurting like crazy and I couldn't move. I was kind of shaking, but I couldn't control my movements. I remember trying to reach for my phone to call someone (maybe 911), but I couldn't. Then I guess I passed out. Now I'm not sure if it even really happened or it was some kind of night terror/dream. I've had chest pains on and off all day, but don't feel too bad.  I did cancel my date I had this evening. Well, rescheduled it for Tuesday. I wish I was excited about dating, but I'm not. I just have to force myself I guess.

I got a call from the Mexican today. A good friend of his passed away on Friday - car accident. I guess he went on a little bender this weekend; told me he downed a bottle of jim last night. Then he invited me to the bar with him and his friend. I laughed and told him I can't drink today, overdid it this weekend. I told him he shouldn't drink so much either, and he said "we're like the blind leading the blind, we each chide each other about our drinking while unable to control our own habits." Very true. I told him that it was killing me and he said it was the same with him. Then he said he didn't care if he died - he's had a good enough life. I felt like I hearing myself talk. Us pitiful alcoholics.

I'm really starting to need money badly. So many job applications so little responses. The wage I'm making now is unfortunately not a living one.

Well, here's to at least 2 days sober, today and Monday, doubt I'll have a sober date  - don't think that's ever happened.