A friend and I went to (a male) strip club this past Friday. The same one I attended many weeks ago that my neighbor bartends at. We went for a specific purpose; a friend of hers recently got a new roommate that claimed to bartend there. After hearing this, I had a feeling he was playing the 'I bartend at the local strip club but actually I'm a stripper game'. God knows I was generally a 'cocktail waitress' at my club to most people who asked about my source of money. Anyways, we decided to hit up the club after a somewhat laid back night out to check out his story. Well, we didn't see him. At least I think we didn't. We were trashed, due to a benefactor we met at the previous club who funded our shenanigans. I wish I could extrapolate on our activities, but the memories at the club are fuzzy. I think I did encounter my bartender neighbor, I'm hoping I did nothing too embarrassing. I guess I'll always feel comfortable in strip clubs. Such a weird dynamic, I'm not sure I even understand.
I don't feel attractive anymore. My new thing is getting fully done-up every day- even for a trip to the grocery store. I used embrace the opposite approach. I knew come nighttime that I'd get all prettied up for work and gets tons of compliments and money thrown my way so I didn't care how I looked during the day. Now I get nothing. Maybe if I were dating someone things would be a little better on that front. Probably not. It seems that none of the people I've dated have ever thought much of my looks. I don't remember getting many compliments from past partners.
I'm still bored with what I'm doing. I'm looking for other jobs. I don't have any idea of what would keep me entertained and happy at this point.
Luckily when I went to buy a new razor today the store I was at also sold champagne. I obviously bought a bottle because I love champagne. Despite this, I'm still doing so much better on the alcohol front. I generally only drink socially now, and on nights like tonight I stay away from liquor and keep it to one bottle of champagne. Probably still a lot to most people, but definitely a lot better than in the past.
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3 comments:
So happy you are finally back. Whatever happened with that photo shoot you were doing way back when?
Anyway, love living vicariously through your blog. HaHa. Never had the body to strip but I did earn a few bucks after a few too many tequila shots in TJ once, does that count? :)
Take care.
I am sorry to hear you are still struggling with all this: I get where you are coming from. I have heard the doubts concerning being pretty before. I am sure you are still gorgeous. I don't even have a penniful of cheap wisdom to offer up. Just keep trying to move forward. Avoid anything that can throw you into a spin.
I did do the photoshoot, I was in two playboy issues! I deleted anything concerning it from my blog because I had to try and make sure no one in my life found out.
I did end up telling everyone except my parents eventually.
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