moving on

So, I'm sitting here feeling sick to my stomach and I don't know what to do. I don't think things are going to work out between me and the mexican. He's an alcoholic. I realize that I drink a lot, probably too much at times, but not like him. Despite my sometimes heavy drinking, my life is pretty together. I make it to class four days a week, I am able to keep my apartment clean, I have no DUIs. I very rarely get blackout drunk.

He's been drunk for 4 days straight. He left me at the bar last night, crashing his car on the way home. I finally realize he's left the bar (as well as our tab, which I paid, and it wasn't just our tab, his other friends were drinking on it, too) and walk home by myself. The next morning when I wake up and go outside, I see his car with a huge scrape down the side, and a blown tire. He's lucky he lives so close. He's lucky that there weren't any cops out patrolling for fourth of july drunks.

Today the drinking starts right after we wake up. Bloody marys with his friends. I drink one, and call it a day. He's on the floor of his friend's place with no idea what's going on by 3:00. I finally hit my breaking point and leave. Of course I haven't heard from him, probably because he's passed out somewhere and his phone is dead. He wont remember any of this tomorrow, and it'll be all 'sorrys' and 'i messed ups', Too bad I've heard these words a million times, but the actions aren't matching.

The thing is, he is a sweet person. When he's sober (and even when he's drunk-he's definitely not a mean drunk). I can just tell at this point that I shouldn't even bother getting any more invested in this...relationship. I can tell it will not end well, and that breaks my heart.

It has helped me in the sense that I'm much more aware of my own drinking. I can now see how obnoxious some of my past behavior must have been to the sober people around me. I now understand how being a drunk not only disrupts your own life, but the lives of those around you.