Oyster fest 2011

So, Sunday...

I'll start at the beginning; Oyster fest. Oyster fest is a festival held every year where oysters are eaten, alcohol is consumed, and music is listened to. I had never been to oyster fest before, so me and two faithful companions of mine decided to check it out.

We got there around 11:45, and much to our dismay, alcohol was not allowed to be served until 12:30. We decided to fill our sober time with oysters. We purchased a bucket and got to shucking. Now, I've never shucked an oyster before, and there were no instructional videos or seminars on oyster shucking, so we were left to our own devices.

Oysters don't taste that great. That's why people smother them with lemon juice, hot sauce, crackers, breading, etc. Even though they taste like snot textured ocean blobs I was determined to eat the little fuckers. Mostly because they are such a pain to get to. If I spend 10 minutes prying the little bivalve out of it's house, I'm definitely going to eat the little fucker, if only out of spite.

About halfway through our oyster bucket, 12:30 rolled around. Cue people cheering and running to the various alcohol vendors scattered about. We each got a bud light (1). I'm going to keep a running alcohol tab during this post, as this is important to understanding the crux of this story.

After we finished our oysters we decided to do a celebration shot of vodka (2).

We walked around a bit and chatted with some radio show guys and a dog rescue lady. THey were holding a raffle for the shelter dogs. I asked what the prize was and she said "a stay in the no kill shelter for the weekend." "..." "for the winner?" "No for the dog you sponser." Ok, that makes more sense. I didn't buy a ticket, but I did make a donation.

We decide it time for some more drinking, so we head to the bar. We order two long islands (one for me)(3), and a sex on the beach. I finish my long island pretty quickly and order another (4).

We decide to go exploring again. We run into some people we know. They were boring, so we head back to the bar. I order yet another long island (5). Some older folks start talking with us, and this one lady is taking pictures of me. At first I figure she's just taking pictures of her friends and I happen to be in the frame, but no. My friend informs me that she's taking pictures of me-my face-zoomed in and all. I guess she hears my friend mention this, and buys us all a shot (6).

We then join another group of younger people and do another shot (7). They tell us we should go hang out and party with them after the festival and...I don't really remember what we say, but somehow we get out of there.

We go up to the lawn where the band is playing and dance around. I remember feeling this older lady's fake boobs. I also remember getting another beer (8).

At this point things get start to get fuzzy. I think we met up with some people that we knew and I get one more long island (9). Then one of the guys from the group buys me a shot (10). I think that last shot is what did me in.

From this point on I'm just going off what my friends (who were trashed as well) told me.

I'm sitting on a bench talking to one of my friends when suddenly my head flops down. I guess I'm unresponsive to stimuli and some guy freaks out and yells to call an ambulance. Thus an ambulance is called. By the time the ambulance arrives I am awake but not feeling cooperative. I am fighting with the emts and refuse to get on the stretcher and into the vehicle. This prompts them to wrestle me onto the gurney and strap me down.

While this is going on, the friend I was talking with starts freaking out. Her freak out prompts the police to shove her to the ground and handcuff her. Of course a huge crowd has gathered at this point-to watch the crazy girl get strapped to the stretcher and the other crazy girl get handcuffed on the ground.

I do not remember the ride to the hospital, and none of my friends were allowed to ride in the back of the ambulance with me, so I'm just going to assume I had enlightening conversation with the emts about string theory or something.

When I get to the hospital and wake up I'm still not feeling cooperative. I decide to keep ripping out my IV, which causes my blood and saline solution to spray everywhere. I do this a few times, until my nurse proceeds to tape my whole arm up after inserting the IV, so that I cannot rip it out.

I keep requesting to talk with my doctor, and tell them they can't keep me here against my will for no reason. My nurse informs me that they just performed a blood test and my blood alcohol level is at a .37. My response, "clearly that's not high enough to put me in a coma or kill me, so why am I still here?"

My nurse (who was actually really cool for putting up with my obnoxious behavior) tells me that my doctor has issued me a 2320 (I don't remember the exact number), which basically means I can't leave on my own will because I'm psychologically unstable. Of course this infuriates me even further.

My one friend was with me in the hospital room the whole time, she ended up riding in the front of the ambulance, and she's crying. Of course I can't take anything seriously, so I keep laughing and joking about, which makes her even angier.

My other friend then shows up. She's pissed about being handcuffed and keeps ranting about the police. Apparently she walked three miles to get to the hospital where I'm located.

We're there for however many hours before the doctor finally tells me that if I can find someone sober to come drive us home, I can leave.

One of my friends calls this guy she's seeing, and he agrees to pick us up. They make him sign a release form saying that if I die it's his fault (probably didn't say exactly that), and I apologize to my nurse for being annoying and getting blood all over the place.

I can't wait for oyster fest next year!