It's been 2 years

So I worked Tuesday, Thursday and Friday last week. All went quite well.

Sometimes when I think about what guys spend in a strip club I get freaked out. On Friday I had a guy tip me a $20 on stage and then pay $40 for a dance (dance prices are $10/song). That's $60 in about 5 minutes. Then I realized that maybe he makes $500,000/year and what he spent on me in equivalent to me getting a value meal at Wendy's. Or maybe he's scraping by on $30,000/year and has a problem. Who knows.

The waitresses have been introducing me to a lot of customers lately...I don't know what that's about. I'm never sure if I should tip them for it...I guess if the customer they put me with spends over $200 on me it would be appropriate to give a 10-20% tip. I might try that next week.

I can't believe I've been stripping for 2 years now. So much for the get in and get out strategy.

I just don't understand sex. I'm not a sexual person and I feel like I don't have sexuality. I just happen to be young and cute and guys aren't perceptive of the fact that there's nothing actually sexy about me. When guys ask me sexual stuff, e.g., what's your favorite position, thing to do in bed, etc., I just giggle and give some stupid answer about how it depends on the situation. What am I supposed to say? I couldn't care less about sex and I'm grossed out by your boner?

I miss L and I'm pissed off about it. Every time I start getting pouty about it I just have to wonder what the fuck my problem is. He didn't like me-he made that clear. He's not the first guy I've have sex with. I didn't even like him at first. I should have never given him my number.

I hate that we play these stupid games. One of us will ignore the other and the ignored one will do stupid shit to get the other's attention. Then the cycle reverses. I feel like he should just ignore me once and for all since he's the 32 year old.

I don't understand how he could complaim about me crawling into bed with him once in a boue moon, and then a week later come into my room and jump in my bed. Extreme cognitive dissonance?

I hate that he likes stupid girls because he thinks stupid = happy.

I hate that he thinks he's enlightened, yet went out of his was to buy a bed 3 weeks before he had to move (when he had been without one for the previous 5 months) because there was a chance that a girl might have been staying the night.

I hate that he goes out of his way to mention that a girl is coming over or he's at a girl's house when it has nothing to do with the conversation. What's the point in trying to make me jealous?

For someone who claims that the ego is the root of all evil, he sure has a gigantic one. He should lead a cult-I feel like he has the personality and is delusional enough to be effective at it.