So it's a Thursday night and I'm bored out of my mind. Z is out of town. All 3 (ha ha) of my friends are out of town. L, who confuses the hell out of me is also out of town. I almost want to get tarted up and head out to a local bar with my shitty fake ID which I don't even need. Find a guy. Have sex. Sex is so confusing for me. When I'm having it I don't like it. Well, that's not exactly true. I only like it if I know the person I'm fucking doesn't like me. When I'm not having sex, I want it. Crave it, if only for the reassurance and feelings of acceptance it grants me. I think when I start making money again I'm going to see a psychiatrist.
I'm thirsty. I should go to the gas station down the road and get a drink. The manager, if he's working, doesn't make me pay for my drinks. Maybe I look pitiful. I've gotten quite skinny. I just don't feel like buying food, and my funds are low. Tomorrow I'll have to go to the club and get a job. I dread that part. The fear of rejection is devestating to me. They hired me before, so they should hire me again, right? Times are tough right now. The economy is shit and I know that strippers are probably paying the price. Oh well. We'll see tomorrow.
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