The aftermath

I'm beginning to realize that my stripping career made a definite and perhaps permanent impact on my world view and personality. While I was a stripper I convinced myself that I could compartmentalize and depersonalize with the best of them, but I guess even I'm not that talented.

When how you look is your greatest occupational concern your perspective becomes skewed. Not to mention how making $400 in an hour leads to disappointment and discontent when entering the 'real world' and realizing that $400 is now 16 hours worth of actual sober and clothed work.

As I've mentioned I've been toying with the idea of stripping one or two weekends a month (out of town) to help alleviate the boredom/itch. Either that or go the sugar daddy route. I don't think I'm cut out for the sugar daddy thing though. I prefer a more cut and dry exchange of services.

Sales

Well, I'm back to the world of sales, though this time my body is not the merchandise.

I guess sales is all I've ever known, and I'm somehow decent at it even though my personality would convince most people otherwise.

I just googled my playboy 'video' and it had 41,000 views on some hack job porno site. A bit disconcerting.

I'm throwing a party for my cat's 2nd birthday on Friday - I'm officially a sad cat lady.

I still miss work (and by work I mean stripping). Still playing with the idea of traveling once a month for a weekend of naked debauchery and money.

I had to wake up at 7:00 am today for a meeting so I'm dead tired - cheers to whoever still reads this boring shit!

I bartend at the strip club

A friend and I went to (a male) strip club this past Friday. The same one I attended many weeks ago that my neighbor bartends at. We went for a specific purpose; a friend of hers recently got a new roommate that claimed to bartend there. After hearing this, I had a feeling he was playing the 'I bartend at the local strip club but actually I'm a stripper game'. God knows I was generally a 'cocktail waitress' at my club to most people who asked about my source of money. Anyways, we decided to hit up the club after a somewhat laid back night out to check out his story. Well, we didn't see him. At least I think we didn't. We were trashed, due to a benefactor we met at the previous club who funded our shenanigans. I wish I could extrapolate on our activities, but the memories at the club are fuzzy. I think I did encounter my bartender neighbor, I'm hoping I did nothing too embarrassing. I guess I'll always feel comfortable in strip clubs. Such a weird dynamic, I'm not sure I even understand.

I don't feel attractive anymore. My new thing is getting fully done-up every day- even for a trip to the grocery store. I used embrace the opposite approach. I knew come nighttime that I'd get all prettied up for work and gets tons of compliments and money thrown my way so I didn't care how I looked during the day. Now I get nothing. Maybe if I were dating someone things would be a little better on that front. Probably not. It seems that none of the people I've dated have ever thought much of my looks. I don't remember getting many compliments from past partners.

I'm still bored with what I'm doing. I'm looking for other jobs. I don't have any idea of what would keep me entertained and happy at this point.

Luckily when I went to buy a new razor today the store I was at also sold champagne. I obviously bought a bottle because I love champagne. Despite this, I'm still doing so much better on the alcohol front. I generally only drink socially now, and on nights like tonight I stay away from liquor and keep it to one bottle of champagne. Probably still a lot to most people, but definitely a lot better than in the past.